Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults hug. Physical contact, including hugging, is normal for humans. Hugging is not a problem, nonconsensual hugging is.

Nope. If you feel a need to hug, hug your partner or your dog or your kids. Don’t touch me other than a handshake. And don’t EVER assume that because something is OK with you, it’s OK with someone else.

- mid 50s man

Early 40s man. Will never initiate a hug. Don’t like them. I will grudgingly participate in workplace hugs so as to not make it awkward. Hugging has no place at work.

Spoken like a typical male. No men I’ve ever worked with would initiate a hug.

[Anonymous]

Just no. This is how creepy guys (and relatives) cop a feel.

[Anonymous]

Zombie thread but remember:

Hugs are offered, not given. If the other person doesn't come in for the hug, drop it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s gross. I’ve had that happen to me when I was younger (I’m in my late 40s now so not so huggable anymore 😂). I believe some of the men who do this are completely clueless and think they’re being affectionate but others are pigs and know they’ll never get that close to a female body under 40 ever, ever again. Wifey looks and feels like the Pillsbury doughboy and they can’t find a willing AP.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a field where hugs sometimes happen. I have mixed feelings about this. One time, I extended my hand for a handshake, and the (much older) man pulled me in for a hug and kissed me on the cheek - in front of his wife no less.

Is this harassment?

[Anonymous]

if anyone comes in for a hug i do the sideway tap on the back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't laugh at this.

I come from a very affectionate Italian American family. We hug hello, goodbye, so I understand hugging.

However, I've observed older men who are in way superior positions, publicly and on camera, hugging much younger subordinate women who work for them or with them.

These are men who are giving great big "bear hugs" to these much smaller women. It's creeping me out. I'm a woman. I'm not a child in a kindergarten class. I don't need or want a "hug" from a much larger man. And I know for a fact these men do not consider these women to be respected colleagues at all. They talk badly about them.

I honestly believe that these men are considered neurodiverse, based on the field we're in. We all have doctorates, most of us. And I've been in this field for decades. They don't pick up on social cues at all. And they honestly believe that other people don't pick up on their social cues.

Do they see anyone else "hugging" people as a greeting in a work setting? No. I might "hug" a friend, who is a genuine friend, if I haven't seen the person in a long time, at a work conference or something.

This is triggering me in a big way. And I don't normally get triggered.

How could they not have learned after the "me too" movement to not touch people at work? Don't comment on a person's appearance at work.

Sounds to me you're sexist, ageist, sizist, and brainist. What a peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a field where hugs sometimes happen. I have mixed feelings about this. One time, I extended my hand for a handshake, and the (much older) man pulled me in for a hug and kissed me on the cheek - in front of his wife no less.

Is this harassment?

If he’s from your office, yeah, I’d take it as harassment. It’s overstepping social boundaries to see what he can get away with. I hope his wife caught the whole thing and tore into him in the car on the way home. I’d think less of my husband if he did that. Ick.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the younger women are doing the hugging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did someone seriously DELETE the post noting that President Biden does this all the time?

That’s not made up, it’s not “political” and it’s directly relevant to this conversation. Old, powerful men engage in this creepy behavior all the time. Even the “good ones”.

Are we shilling so hard for Biden that we have to just pretend he doesn’t do this?

Omg stop

It is fine! It was official business so the Supreme Court gives a thumbs up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you all think about being side hugged when you didn't even know they were coming in for a hug as you were turned the other way? (This person had been drinking.)

Okay, so not sure if anyone replied to this. What do you all think? Because this happened to me and I want to know if I'm overreacting. Said person has not tried to hug me again but has come close where he was in my personal space though. Just wondering if he is socially awkward or if he knows what he is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a field where hugs sometimes happen. I have mixed feelings about this. One time, I extended my hand for a handshake, and the (much older) man pulled me in for a hug and kissed me on the cheek - in front of his wife no less.

Is this harassment?

If he’s from your office, yeah, I’d take it as harassment. It’s overstepping social boundaries to see what he can get away with. I hope his wife caught the whole thing and tore into him in the car on the way home. I’d think less of my husband if he did that. Ick.

Thank you for the validation. I wasn't sure how to react or even what to think and haven't told anyone about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just no. This is how creepy guys (and relatives) cop a feel.

Yup- not every time of course but once your husband’s boss has held on way to long and whispered in your ear at an holiday party you definitely understand it wasn’t just a hug. And once it’s happened a few times you hate hugs from strangers.

[Anonymous]

I am a female executive. I am naturally a hugger, I ask before hugging.

A lot of cultures don’t sexualize every body part in every situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't laugh at this.

I come from a very affectionate Italian American family. We hug hello, goodbye, so I understand hugging.

However, I've observed older men who are in way superior positions, publicly and on camera, hugging much younger subordinate women who work for them or with them.

These are men who are giving great big "bear hugs" to these much smaller women. It's creeping me out. I'm a woman. I'm not a child in a kindergarten class. I don't need or want a "hug" from a much larger man. And I know for a fact these men do not consider these women to be respected colleagues at all. They talk badly about them.

I honestly believe that these men are considered neurodiverse, based on the field we're in. We all have doctorates, most of us. And I've been in this field for decades. They don't pick up on social cues at all. And they honestly believe that other people don't pick up on their social cues.

Do they see anyone else "hugging" people as a greeting in a work setting? No. I might "hug" a friend, who is a genuine friend, if I haven't seen the person in a long time, at a work conference or something.

This is triggering me in a big way. And I don't normally get triggered.

How could they not have learned after the "me too" movement to not touch people at work? Don't comment on a person's appearance at work.

I agree it is inappropriate. I say this as someone who is a hugger. And whose mentors are / were MUCH older men who I'm still very close to. We hugged for sure, but not as a greeting every day (after long absences, special occasions, etc.) These were father figures to me (absolutely nothing inappropriate) and I respect and adore them, and they were my biggest supporters. I still speak with the surviving mentor regularly (he's retired). No way would they go around hugging random subordinates on a daily basis.