Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults hug. Physical contact, including hugging, is normal for humans. Hugging is not a problem, nonconsensual hugging is.

Nope. If you feel a need to hug, hug your partner or your dog or your kids. Don’t touch me other than a handshake. And don’t EVER assume that because something is OK with you, it’s OK with someone else.

- mid 50s man

You seem to not understand the word "nonconsensual".

You don’t seem to understand that something being consensual in your head doesn’t make it so. Unless you are getting specific, verbal, affirmative consent before hugging, you have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Ageist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t always say something without being afraid of retaliation. I personally think affection like hugging is not appropriate at work. On your own time, out of the office, whatever. But it sets the wrong tone and can make people really uncomfortable, especially if they are lower on the food chain. When I was younger I tolerated a lot of things I would NOT tolerate now.

+1. At 25, I tolerated it, but felt gross inside. At 50, I step back and shake my head. That’s strike one. Strike 2, I clearly say, “that makes me uncomfortable.” Strike 3, I would talk to HR. But I’ve never had a strike 3.

My daughter is in college. I hope alive raised her in such a way that she would never put up with what I did at 25. Thus far, she has does a great job drawing boundaries, so I have high hopes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's definitely odd as all the men I know are deathly afraid to say something wrong to women at work, let alone touch them.

This isn’t hard stuff. When my kids (son and daughter) started with social media, it was don’t post until you are okay with your parents, the principal and the police seeing it. When my son hit college, it became— treat women the way you would want me to treat your sister. That works for dating and for workplace behavior.

Also, consent doesn’t mean someone tolerates being touched. It means that they actively want it.

Easy advice it’s served him well.

[Anonymous]

I’m an overweight middle aged woman in an office setting. Sometimes both men and women hug me, especially if we haven’t seen each other in a long time, like after the pandemic. It’s never felt sexual or like a power play, but maybe if I were young and attractive it would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a middle aged woman who has worked in an office for 20 years, I learned many years ago to aggressively stick out my right hand when someone is approaching me to make it clear I’m willing to shake hands but not hug. If other people want to hug each other that’s fine for them but I never hug anyone I work with, man or woman. As a manager I also think I could be opening myself up to personnel complaints.

Love this approach. Good for you, seriously.

I wish everyone was as upfront about their boundaries. especially since these differ so much person to person. I don't want to live in op's world where no one hugs. But I also don't want to make those who are more reserved uncomfortable. Personally I'm on the more reserved side, so don't tend to initiate hugs. But I'm not traumatized by hugs either.

I agree with the bolded.

I see how hugs at work can be tricky.

It also seems awkward to never touch a person (i.e., arm/shoulder).

And, I think it’s the “safest” approach at work - so, only handshakes.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mid-40s male. I don't touch other people at work unless it's a handshake or they initiate the hug. If it's a hug, it's an offset or side hug and it's quick.

I'll hug family and friends all day long, but doing so at work is just asking for an HR complaint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's definitely odd as all the men I know are deathly afraid to say something wrong to women at work, let alone touch them.

This isn’t hard stuff. When my kids (son and daughter) started with social media, it was don’t post until you are okay with your parents, the principal and the police seeing it. When my son hit college, it became— treat women the way you would want me to treat your sister. That works for dating and for workplace behavior.

Also, consent doesn’t mean someone tolerates being touched. It means that they actively want it.

Easy advice it’s served him well.

You should tell your DD that also. There are a lot of women who inappropriately at work(touch, hug at work, conversations, etc).

[Anonymous]

No one should hug at work. Women and women. Men and men. Men and women. It's a business not a family reunion. Shake hands please. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults hug. Physical contact, including hugging, is normal for humans. Hugging is not a problem, nonconsensual hugging is.

Nope. If you feel a need to hug, hug your partner or your dog or your kids. Don’t touch me other than a handshake. And don’t EVER assume that because something is OK with you, it’s OK with someone else.

- mid 50s man

Early 40s man. Will never initiate a hug. Don’t like them. I will grudgingly participate in workplace hugs so as to not make it awkward. Hugging has no place at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults hug. Physical contact, including hugging, is normal for humans. Hugging is not a problem, nonconsensual hugging is.

Nope. If you feel a need to hug, hug your partner or your dog or your kids. Don’t touch me other than a handshake. And don’t EVER assume that because something is OK with you, it’s OK with someone else.

- mid 50s man

You seem to not understand the word "nonconsensual".

You don’t seem to understand that something being consensual in your head doesn’t make it so. Unless you are getting specific, verbal, affirmative consent before hugging, you have no idea.

You don't seem to understand that inventing a scenario in your head doesn't make it so.

[Anonymous]

I work in an agency and everyone hugs all the time. Like - whenever anyone sees each other. It’s sooo non sexual. I have no idea how this is suddenly not ok. Obviously if someone is like - squeezing or clutching or grabbing that is super weird but hugging?

[Anonymous]

45 yo male partner at a consulting firm here. I avoid anything that could be perceived as too close interactions with female staff.

I'm taking ZERO risks. Just want to make money for the the next 10 years, then retire.

[Anonymous]

What do you all think about being side hugged when you didn't even know they were coming in for a hug as you were turned the other way? (This person had been drinking.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jfc. You need to find bigger things to worry about. Wait till you start getting major health scares then you won’t get triggered when someone hugs someone else.

If you are a much larger man doesn’t mean you’re a robot and doesn’t mean you want to sleep w people you’re just being human. Grabbing *ss - now that’s not ideal.

With a full frontal hug, the man is literally pulling the woman close to his body and pressing her breasts up against his chest. It happened to me by a man who is higher up the chain of a command at a holiday party in front of his wife. He didn't hug anyone else all night.

I also didn't like the HR lady hugging me.

It’s not that you’re ‘wrong’
But there are just so so so so so many bigger problems to expend mental energy and concern on.
Sure if someone is like bear hugging and squeezing on many occasions then that’s weird but otherwise it’s just like - don’t create some big issue for prob people who actually have big issues to deal with

NP. what the h*ll are you on about? I’d add sexual assault to the so so many bigger problems that you speak of.