Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public

[Anonymous]

Please don't laugh at this.

I come from a very affectionate Italian American family. We hug hello, goodbye, so I understand hugging.

However, I've observed older men who are in way superior positions, publicly and on camera, hugging much younger subordinate women who work for them or with them.

These are men who are giving great big "bear hugs" to these much smaller women. It's creeping me out. I'm a woman. I'm not a child in a kindergarten class. I don't need or want a "hug" from a much larger man. And I know for a fact these men do not consider these women to be respected colleagues at all. They talk badly about them.

I honestly believe that these men are considered neurodiverse, based on the field we're in. We all have doctorates, most of us. And I've been in this field for decades. They don't pick up on social cues at all. And they honestly believe that other people don't pick up on their social cues.

Do they see anyone else "hugging" people as a greeting in a work setting? No. I might "hug" a friend, who is a genuine friend, if I haven't seen the person in a long time, at a work conference or something.

This is triggering me in a big way. And I don't normally get triggered.

How could they not have learned after the "me too" movement to not touch people at work? Don't comment on a person's appearance at work.

[Anonymous]

It’s on camera? Tell HR. It’s not ok

[Anonymous]

Jfc. You need to find bigger things to worry about. Wait till you start getting major health scares then you won’t get triggered when someone hugs someone else.

If you are a much larger man doesn’t mean you’re a robot and doesn’t mean you want to sleep w people you’re just being human. Grabbing *ss - now that’s not ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jfc. You need to find bigger things to worry about. Wait till you start getting major health scares then you won’t get triggered when someone hugs someone else.

If you are a much larger man doesn’t mean you’re a robot and doesn’t mean you want to sleep w people you’re just being human. Grabbing *ss - now that’s not ideal.

With a full frontal hug, the man is literally pulling the woman close to his body and pressing her breasts up against his chest. It happened to me by a man who is higher up the chain of a command at a holiday party in front of his wife. He didn't hug anyone else all night.

I also didn't like the HR lady hugging me.

[Anonymous]

I am definitely of the no-hugs persuasion but affectionate displays were very commonplace in my office… until someone got fired for touching someone inappropriately at a holiday party. I just prefer to keep things entirely professional now. Handshakes and warm smiles are perfectly acceptable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jfc. You need to find bigger things to worry about. Wait till you start getting major health scares then you won’t get triggered when someone hugs someone else.

If you are a much larger man doesn’t mean you’re a robot and doesn’t mean you want to sleep w people you’re just being human. Grabbing *ss - now that’s not ideal.

With a full frontal hug, the man is literally pulling the woman close to his body and pressing her breasts up against his chest. It happened to me by a man who is higher up the chain of a command at a holiday party in front of his wife. He didn't hug anyone else all night.

I also didn't like the HR lady hugging me.

It’s not that you’re ‘wrong’
But there are just so so so so so many bigger problems to expend mental energy and concern on.
Sure if someone is like bear hugging and squeezing on many occasions then that’s weird but otherwise it’s just like - don’t create some big issue for prob people who actually have big issues to deal with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jfc. You need to find bigger things to worry about. Wait till you start getting major health scares then you won’t get triggered when someone hugs someone else.

If you are a much larger man doesn’t mean you’re a robot and doesn’t mean you want to sleep w people you’re just being human. Grabbing *ss - now that’s not ideal.

With a full frontal hug, the man is literally pulling the woman close to his body and pressing her breasts up against his chest. It happened to me by a man who is higher up the chain of a command at a holiday party in front of his wife. He didn't hug anyone else all night.

I also didn't like the HR lady hugging me.

It’s not that you’re ‘wrong’
But there are just so so so so so many bigger problems to expend mental energy and concern on.
Sure if someone is like bear hugging and squeezing on many occasions then that’s weird but otherwise it’s just like - don’t create some big issue for prob people who actually have big issues to deal with

Feeling women up is a big issue. Especially if they are unable for any reason to advocate for themselves

[Anonymous]

Shame on the poster that is minimizing this. I bet if someone got raped they'd be like "Well at least you didn't get killed".

I have never been hugged at work except maybe when my grandmother passed away and it was a woman, not my boss and not a "bear hug". I would be horrified if my boss or any of the numerous old men I interact with at work tried to hug me. This is highly inappropriate and you should step back and say you prefer they don't hug you, if you can.

[Anonymous]

It is not ok if the women did not consent. I got pushed into a wall, arm squeezed, called "baby" by a man at work. In not one of those instances did he ask my permission. Many men feel entitled to women's bodies. Unwanted touch is not ok.

[Anonymous]

The creepy pats on the back, or hand on my shoulder, are also unwelcome. *shudder*

You aren’t my dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not ok if the women did not consent. I got pushed into a wall, arm squeezed, called "baby" by a man at work. In not one of those instances did he ask my permission. Many men feel entitled to women's bodies. Unwanted touch is not ok.

+1. We are seeing a lot of this at my agency in connection with the push for RTO. Older, white upper managers missed this aspect of work "culture" and they want everyone back to experience it. The union keeps the most egregious abuses at bay but there's only so much they can do to protect us from this.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I always thought young women like that.

- old man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not ok if the women did not consent. I got pushed into a wall, arm squeezed, called "baby" by a man at work. In not one of those instances did he ask my permission. Many men feel entitled to women's bodies. Unwanted touch is not ok.

+1. We are seeing a lot of this at my agency in connection with the push for RTO. Older, white upper managers missed this aspect of work "culture" and they want everyone back to experience it. The union keeps the most egregious abuses at bay but there's only so much they can do to protect us from this.

I wouldn’t say it’s just old -white- men. It’s just old men in general. Some of the women were really inappropriate too tbh. It’s been really nice to be away from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shame on the poster that is minimizing this. I bet if someone got raped they'd be like "Well at least you didn't get killed".

I have never been hugged at work except maybe when my grandmother passed away and it was a woman, not my boss and not a "bear hug". I would be horrified if my boss or any of the numerous old men I interact with at work tried to hug me. This is highly inappropriate and you should step back and say you prefer they don't hug you, if you can.

What? Raping is not the same as hugging someone.
If hugging at work isn’t ok then we should tell everyone it’s not ok. It’s not weird that ppl assume it’s ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I always thought young women like that.

- old man

Sure…