Anyone else just stop initiating or asking for sex from their partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

If mine knows we are going to be alone later or there will be an opportunity to have sex she will begin declaring how much a body part hurts, with all of her ailments you would think she spends her days in a coal mine instead of our couch. I even suggested she file a Workmen’s Compensation claim against Time Warner cable.

As soon as we are properly chaperoned she’ll be doing handstands with our kid on the living room floor, it’s amazing how the miracle of motherhood can carry a woman through such horrific musculoskeletal pain!

I’m highly sympathetic to the general problem of mismatched libidos, but you sound like a dick. if my H were as blatantly disrespectful and condescending to me as you seem to be, I wouldn’t have sex with him either.

I’t’s been said that I am extremely charming, never really believed it until just now.

Sincerely,

he/him/dick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

That's the cynical view. And, if I'm honest, I strongly suspect that's what she was doing. But, maybe they were true ailments with very unlucky timing.

A little bit of serendipity here: just as I'm grumbling about our sex life to the Internet, DW initiated last night. First time we've had sex in 3 or 4 months. None of you needs to know that, I'm just bragging. People of the Internet, *I* had sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

If mine knows we are going to be alone later or there will be an opportunity to have sex she will begin declaring how much a body part hurts, with all of her ailments you would think she spends her days in a coal mine instead of our couch. I even suggested she file a Workmen’s Compensation claim against Time Warner cable.

As soon as we are properly chaperoned she’ll be doing handstands with our kid on the living room floor, it’s amazing how the miracle of motherhood can carry a woman through such horrific musculoskeletal pain!

I’m highly sympathetic to the general problem of mismatched libidos, but you sound like a dick. if my H were as blatantly disrespectful and condescending to me as you seem to be, I wouldn’t have sex with him either.

I’t’s been said that I am extremely charming, never really believed it until just now.

Sincerely,

he/him/dick

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

That's the cynical view. And, if I'm honest, I strongly suspect that's what she was doing. But, maybe they were true ailments with very unlucky timing.

A little bit of serendipity here: just as I'm grumbling about our sex life to the Internet, DW initiated last night. First time we've had sex in 3 or 4 months. None of you needs to know that, I'm just bragging. People of the Internet, *I* had sex.

Why on earth would you tolerate (let alone BRAG about) going sexless for 4 months? If she is not interested, fine for her - just go find another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

That's the cynical view. And, if I'm honest, I strongly suspect that's what she was doing. But, maybe they were true ailments with very unlucky timing.

A little bit of serendipity here: just as I'm grumbling about our sex life to the Internet, DW initiated last night. First time we've had sex in 3 or 4 months. None of you needs to know that, I'm just bragging. People of the Internet, *I* had sex.

I hope you made it EXCELLENT for her and took the opportunity to ask her what got her in the mood yesterday in particular!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

That's the cynical view. And, if I'm honest, I strongly suspect that's what she was doing. But, maybe they were true ailments with very unlucky timing.

A little bit of serendipity here: just as I'm grumbling about our sex life to the Internet, DW initiated last night. First time we've had sex in 3 or 4 months. None of you needs to know that, I'm just bragging. People of the Internet, *I* had sex.

Why on earth would you tolerate (let alone BRAG about) going sexless for 4 months? If she is not interested, fine for her - just go find another.

Maybe he has INTEGRITY and does not want to break HIS vows even if his wife has arguably broken part of hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your partner is uninterested in sex, feel free to simply declare the relationship open and go meet your normal healthy sexual needs elsewhere. An uninterested partner gets no vote on this.

Agree. Do what you need to do.

Agree, IF and ONLY IF you tell your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

That's the cynical view. And, if I'm honest, I strongly suspect that's what she was doing. But, maybe they were true ailments with very unlucky timing.

A little bit of serendipity here: just as I'm grumbling about our sex life to the Internet, DW initiated last night. First time we've had sex in 3 or 4 months. None of you needs to know that, I'm just bragging. People of the Internet, *I* had sex.

I hope you made it EXCELLENT for her and took the opportunity to ask her what got her in the mood yesterday in particular!!!

I did make it excellent for her. No way in hell am I going to ruin it by dissecting the situation with a lot of questions. I've made that mistake before. Any conversation that alludes to the fact that we have less sex than I'd like has the result of decreasing our sex life even further and never results in any actionable information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

That's the cynical view. And, if I'm honest, I strongly suspect that's what she was doing. But, maybe they were true ailments with very unlucky timing.

A little bit of serendipity here: just as I'm grumbling about our sex life to the Internet, DW initiated last night. First time we've had sex in 3 or 4 months. None of you needs to know that, I'm just bragging. People of the Internet, *I* had sex.

Why on earth would you tolerate (let alone BRAG about) going sexless for 4 months? If she is not interested, fine for her - just go find another.

Tone doesn't always translate on the Internet, but if you didn't pick up on it, the "brag" was entirely self-deprecating. Our sex life isn't ideal. But it also only part of our relationship. The other parts are very good. Also, my sex life isn't some kind of reflection on my manhood. I'm tall, strong, fast, have a big dick, an extensive record collection, cargo shorts with ample pocket space, a successful rec sports coaching resume, mad grilling skills, and many other manly qualities. So, thanks for the advice, Internet Stranger, but I'm not going to cheat on my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

What is it with the hair, men? You are the only ones who care. Some of men recede, some go bald, some just thin, and a few have all of their hair. It just happens and you can't help it. It doesn't matter. To most people, anyway. No decent person is going to judge you because you lost the genetic lottery and have no hair. Although I will judge you if what hair you have left isn't clean or combed or trimmed, though.

Also, what does having tons of girlfriends before you were married signify?! Nothing. As if success with women in your 20s means you are the whole package in your 50s. It doesn't. You need a whole lot MORE to be a catch in your 50s than you did in your 20s.

Working out I'll give you. I love a man who takes care of himself, works out, does yoga, stays fit. Thanks for your continued efforts in that sphere. And of course I love that you are caring for kids and doing errands and taking care of the house. You are a partner to your spouse.

Also, PSA to men everywhere. Take care of your feet. Do you have weird, thick, cracked, ugly toenails? Are your feet a mess? Do you prefer to keep your shoes and socks on so nobody can see your feet? Go to the f&cking podiatrist. You don't need to have "beautiful" feet, but non-fungus, cared for feet is important for your health and your partner's health. You can spread that fungus to your partner, and she's (or he's) not going to be pleased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

That's the cynical view. And, if I'm honest, I strongly suspect that's what she was doing. But, maybe they were true ailments with very unlucky timing.

A little bit of serendipity here: just as I'm grumbling about our sex life to the Internet, DW initiated last night. First time we've had sex in 3 or 4 months. None of you needs to know that, I'm just bragging. People of the Internet, *I* had sex.

Why on earth would you tolerate (let alone BRAG about) going sexless for 4 months? If she is not interested, fine for her - just go find another.

Learned helplessness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

I don’t really how this situation happens.
You initiate sex every day or every other day or whatever, and she says that you’re too horny, and she somehow thinks this is fine? I don’t see how this same conversation happens every day for weeks, let alone years, without something coming to a head.

It’s variations of the same theme:

I’m not in the mood
I’m tired
I’m hungry
You’re too horny
It turns me off when you nag
I have work
It’s too late
We just did it
You don’t seduce me

And on and on and on, the excuses are infinite and then you give up because you are “nagging.” The dynamic is such that the more you ask the less they want it. Your desperation is unattractive. And for a woman it’s especially maddening because men everywhere are giddy to flirt or talk to you.

Back when I used to initiate more, my wife frequently had vague stomach issues that I needed to hear about early in the evening. Since I stopped initiating, her intestinal challenges have all but disappeared. It's a medical miracle!

So anticipating you might be interested in sex later in the evening, her go to response was to preemptively lay the foundation for her planned rejection?

What a catch she must be.

That's the cynical view. And, if I'm honest, I strongly suspect that's what she was doing. But, maybe they were true ailments with very unlucky timing.

A little bit of serendipity here: just as I'm grumbling about our sex life to the Internet, DW initiated last night. First time we've had sex in 3 or 4 months. None of you needs to know that, I'm just bragging. People of the Internet, *I* had sex.

Why on earth would you tolerate (let alone BRAG about) going sexless for 4 months? If she is not interested, fine for her - just go find another.

Maybe he has INTEGRITY and does not want to break HIS vows even if his wife has arguably broken part of hers.

That’s what she’s counting on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could get to this point. Every time I say to myself, that’s it, never going to try again. But I eventually cave.

It’s so demoralizing and embarrassing and pathetic to try and initiate only to be told I’m tired, have to go make lunch, have to go shopping in a minute, have to go to yoga, have to feed the f&cking dogs.

I’ve communicated. I’ve said that hey maybe once in a blue moon it would be great if you initiated. Honestly can think of maybe one or two times that’s ever happened in the past 10 years of marriage. But OK, that’s not your thing, can you at least pretend to be into it? Not openly treat it like I just asked you to fold a load of laundry. Nope, apparently that’s asking too much.

So, I end up just asking in some weird transactional kind of way. As romantic as doing your taxes. And 19x in 20 the answer is no. Feels really sh$tty.

I’m all over my husband. But then again, he does the shopping, feeds the kids, and feeds the dog. This gives me time and energy to want him.

Oh STFU. This is such a tired, repetitive response. Do the women saying it over and over again in response to literally any complaint about this issue think they’re making some staggering point?

I do all these things as well; we both do, it’s a marriage. I also do things she doesn’t, and vice versa. That’s not the point, and my wife being stretched too thin isn’t the issue… she’s a SAHM and has support from a full time housekeeper, two kids in school, if that helps you.

The point is: if I’ve got errands to run on a Saturday or whatever, and the rotation of the earth reversed itself such that DW initiated, I’d never be like “sorry no can do, need to be at Home Depot by 11:00.”

Honestly, I think most men let themselves go and expect women to put out. We get our hair, nails and make up done, smell good, go to the gym to lose weight, wear lingerie and you all think a hard penis is good enough. No… there is no reason you aren’t putting in an effort to be attractive. There is a reason she is not reaching for your penis and it’s not because she has to run errands…

Maybe.

I haven’t. I take care of the kids all the time. I do chores. Honestly, stop reciting the same tired tropes about why women lose interest in sex. We all know the same 5 or so reasons.

I don’t fall into that category. I have all my hair, work out, am considered attractive and have had tons of girlfriends prior to marriage.

I agree it’s just demoralizing to be with a low libido spouse with a take it or leave it, apathetic attitude toward our sex life. It’s really sad to me. To her it’s just me being too horny. I don’t agree. Why be in a marriage? Why have my libido locked ina cage? It’s unfair.

What is it with the hair, men? You are the only ones who care. Some of men recede, some go bald, some just thin, and a few have all of their hair. It just happens and you can't help it. It doesn't matter. To most people, anyway. No decent person is going to judge you because you lost the genetic lottery and have no hair. Although I will judge you if what hair you have left isn't clean or combed or trimmed, though.

Also, what does having tons of girlfriends before you were married signify?! Nothing. As if success with women in your 20s means you are the whole package in your 50s. It doesn't. You need a whole lot MORE to be a catch in your 50s than you did in your 20s.

Working out I'll give you. I love a man who takes care of himself, works out, does yoga, stays fit. Thanks for your continued efforts in that sphere. And of course I love that you are caring for kids and doing errands and taking care of the house. You are a partner to your spouse.

Also, PSA to men everywhere. Take care of your feet. Do you have weird, thick, cracked, ugly toenails? Are your feet a mess? Do you prefer to keep your shoes and socks on so nobody can see your feet? Go to the f&cking podiatrist. You don't need to have "beautiful" feet, but non-fungus, cared for feet is important for your health and your partner's health. You can spread that fungus to your partner, and she's (or he's) not going to be pleased.

There you go, guys. Internet expert says pedicures are the key to fixing sexless marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have sex with my husband a few times a week but my libido in menopause fell off a cliff. I would rather just go to sleep. However, I want to keep my marriage together and I would like to have a relatively happy spouse so I have sex when I don't want to. I want my libido back and I've sought medical treatment and other tricks. etc. Some have helped but it sucks. I understand both sides of this one.

this is me. DW with no libido at all. a response? sure.

what medical treatment were you able to get?

im interested in seeking out a gyno, and figuring out why i have no libido at all. not on birth control. just turned 40.

its prob bc i am a parent of a 5 year old, have a stressful job, no meaningful help at home, just so exhausted. sex is just another thing that needs to be done, like the never ending piles of laundry, drop offs/pick ups, cleaning, etc...

This is me as well (40F). It's really difficult because DH's high sex drive is completely normal and healthy, and so is my lower one. He feels unappreciated, undesired, and rejected, and I feel guilty and pressured. We also had 5+ years of infertility sex which sort of broke the emotional connection we used to have. Upside of infertility is that I'm now very aware of my cycles, and try my hardest to initiate as much as possible mid-cycle when my libido is higher during ovulation. And we communicate often during the second half of my cycle when my interest falls off a cliff. He still gets frustrated when it goes a week or more, but we've been talking about how we can meet his need for emotional connection with non-sexual intimacy, physical touch, kind gestures, etc. And patience. I go from interested around ovulation, to willing, to completely disinterested and just wanting space, dammit. Then I get my period and the cycle repeats itself. Framing it as a cycle, not a permanent state of affairs, helps. As does compromise from both of us. Sometimes he just needs to not try to initiate, sometimes I need to initiate or go along even when I'm not totally feeling it. I genuinely wish I could take some of his testosterone and have sex on the mind like he does. I get glimpses of that occasionally and it's great. I do really worry about what full menopause will bring. Hopefully his libido will start dropping by then and we'll find a new normal.

[Anonymous]

I did. I am just not that interested in sex. DH doesn't make an effort to make me interested in sex, and he is really busy and often just not interested himself. But he still initiates about 3x per month and we are both generally content with the situation.

OP I think that backing off is a good idea. Once you spouse doesn't feel like sex is about appeasing you (so, a choose) he or she might become interested again.