My kid is in a class with a chair thrower

[Anonymous]

FCPS to put some resources into separate classrooms or schools for kids with behavior issues. I find the best reason to apply to AAP classes is that there are fewer kids with behavior issues. My one daughter was in a class with a child who would regularly disrupt the classroom throwing things and having fits - so the entire class would have to go into lockdown in another room until they could get her under control. Hours of the day were sometimes wasted. My other daughter was in a class with a child that would scream uncontrollably whenever he got overstimulated. Happened frequently so the class was completely disturbed. My daughter would come home with headaches after one of his episodes.

I am all for mainstreaming but not when it starts hurting the other kids - I wish FCPS put as much money and time into special needs kids as they do for advanced kids in TJ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (complete non-angelic) kid and his classmates were traumatized by a kid like this last year in 2nd grade. The kid finally was placed elsewhere in the winter. I don’t know what the answer is other than very expensive solutions like skilled 1:1 aides. I felt badly for the poor little guy who couldn’t control himself, the teacher, and the students who were terrified of what was going to happen every day.

And the poor parents who are typically rejected by the community.

They deserve to be. Trust I will be keeping my eyes open to figure who the parents of this kid are at back to school night.

I am that parent. My child has been challenged with regulation since the day he was born. I have another child with the same parenting who is popular everywhere and praised for good behavior. I spend hours each month on parent coaching, psychiatrists for my dysregulated child, and lots of money on IEP advocates to get my child a 1-1 aide. Honestly the aide is as much for your child because they deserve to be safe and the school does t provide that with a child like mine in your class, as for mine. I send my child to special, highly regarded therapeutic camps in the summer that take up hours of driving and cost three times what any camp for my daughter could cost. My dysregulated child is, honestly, on the ASD spectrum and struggles, and is not diagnosed because he has a very high iq and can answer standings test questions whether he knows the answers or not. I would give a better environment if there was one but no private school will take him and he is three grade levels ahead in academics. So I work tirelessly to get him an aide who can keep him calm and stop him from being aggressive to others. It does work. But it is incredibly hard work and only possible because I have a lot of extra money and am a type A person who plans for this. Most parents in this situation would fail and it has come at the cost of a god marriage as it requires so much risk and out of the box thinking to manage that we often disagree.

I am worried more for your chi,d than you have having a son like this. It is a special hell I could not wish on anyone. I am scared for his future too. I try any medication that migh t work. But if it helps you to think about me as a demon who created my son, please go ahead. But the world is not so simple,

I am so sad to hear of children who were injured by other kids and the school thinks it’s ok. It is not. And I am so so sad that our schools have become places where we not only are children not safe, we are telling them it is ok to not feel safe.

That is all. Wish I had something better.

Amazing post. And you’re a special person to have the patience, perspective and empathy to even try to reason with OP.

We have a strikingly similar story. And I’m just so utterly exhausted and sick and tired of the cruel, snotty, thoughtless crap from people like OP that we’re now in pure defense/self-preservation mode. I don’t have the capacity right now to try and find common ground or understand her plight. Maybe one day.

For now I hope her kid catches a chair in the face, and the school refuses to do anything. Then she spend hundreds of hours and tens of thousands of dollars trying to figure out a solution. Then the kid catches another chair in the face. More effort, no results, no one can help. Then another chair in the face. Then she and her husband fight every day about what to do about their kid being beaten with chairs every day and they can’t fix it. Then she quits her job to deal full time with this chair thing. Then their other kid is crying every day alone in their bedroom because there’s literally no time or space or capacity for ANYTHING but trying so Fking desperately to solve this chair thing. That’s what I hope.

You are a monster and it’s no wonder your child behaves the way they do.

Chair throwing kid mom, how many kids were injured by your little monster? How many others had their learning constantly disrupted? You should be ashamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (complete non-angelic) kid and his classmates were traumatized by a kid like this last year in 2nd grade. The kid finally was placed elsewhere in the winter. I don’t know what the answer is other than very expensive solutions like skilled 1:1 aides. I felt badly for the poor little guy who couldn’t control himself, the teacher, and the students who were terrified of what was going to happen every day.

And the poor parents who are typically rejected by the community.

They deserve to be. Trust I will be keeping my eyes open to figure who the parents of this kid are at back to school night.

I am that parent. My child has been challenged with regulation since the day he was born. I have another child with the same parenting who is popular everywhere and praised for good behavior. I spend hours each month on parent coaching, psychiatrists for my dysregulated child, and lots of money on IEP advocates to get my child a 1-1 aide. Honestly the aide is as much for your child because they deserve to be safe and the school does t provide that with a child like mine in your class, as for mine. I send my child to special, highly regarded therapeutic camps in the summer that take up hours of driving and cost three times what any camp for my daughter could cost. My dysregulated child is, honestly, on the ASD spectrum and struggles, and is not diagnosed because he has a very high iq and can answer standings test questions whether he knows the answers or not. I would give a better environment if there was one but no private school will take him and he is three grade levels ahead in academics. So I work tirelessly to get him an aide who can keep him calm and stop him from being aggressive to others. It does work. But it is incredibly hard work and only possible because I have a lot of extra money and am a type A person who plans for this. Most parents in this situation would fail and it has come at the cost of a god marriage as it requires so much risk and out of the box thinking to manage that we often disagree.

I am worried more for your chi,d than you have having a son like this. It is a special hell I could not wish on anyone. I am scared for his future too. I try any medication that migh t work. But if it helps you to think about me as a demon who created my son, please go ahead. But the world is not so simple,

I am so sad to hear of children who were injured by other kids and the school thinks it’s ok. It is not. And I am so so sad that our schools have become places where we not only are children not safe, we are telling them it is ok to not feel safe.

That is all. Wish I had something better.

Amazing post. And you’re a special person to have the patience, perspective and empathy to even try to reason with OP.

We have a strikingly similar story. And I’m just so utterly exhausted and sick and tired of the cruel, snotty, thoughtless crap from people like OP that we’re now in pure defense/self-preservation mode. I don’t have the capacity right now to try and find common ground or understand her plight. Maybe one day.

For now I hope her kid catches a chair in the face, and the school refuses to do anything. Then she spend hundreds of hours and tens of thousands of dollars trying to figure out a solution. Then the kid catches another chair in the face. More effort, no results, no one can help. Then another chair in the face. Then she and her husband fight every day about what to do about their kid being beaten with chairs every day and they can’t fix it. Then she quits her job to deal full time with this chair thing. Then their other kid is crying every day alone in their bedroom because there’s literally no time or space or capacity for ANYTHING but trying so Fking desperately to solve this chair thing. That’s what I hope.

You are a monster and it’s no wonder your child behaves the way they do.

Chair throwing kid mom, how many kids were injured by your little monster? How many others had their learning constantly disrupted? You should be ashamed.

+1 there are good online public school options just switch to that while you work out issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that this is not only a thing, but it’s a thing that’s tolerated.

I agree, it is bananas.

I graduated high school in 2002 and cannot recall a single violent or out of control behaviour incident during class in all of K-12. I went to a large public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that this is not only a thing, but it’s a thing that’s tolerated.

I agree, it is bananas.

I graduated high school in 2002 and cannot recall a single violent or out of control behaviour incident during class in all of K-12. I went to a large public school.

Behavior has deteriorated to a point where public school is not recognizable to us.

[Anonymous]

Some of you need to go and read the Special Needs forum. Don’t post, just read. See what the parents are going through. Listen to their anguish as they post about struggles getting help for their kids both in school and through private therapies. See the emotional and monetary cost that they are living through.

Most parents are trying to help their kids and are frustrated with the system and how it is failing their kids. They don’t want their kid melting down in your kids class. They don’t want to be judged. They want the best for their kid. They want your kid to be safe.

It sucks having a kid melting down and throwing things and all of that. It sucks for the Teacher, it sucks for the students, it sucks for that kid. No one wants this. But solving it is hard and the families who are working to find a solution know it is expensive, there are not enough providers, and there are not enough Teachers.

Just read what those parents are living through. Hopefully it will reset the issue in your mind. You will still be upset about your kids experience and angry that your kid is in danger but maybe a bit less likely to use words like monster and ashamed and horrible parents. While there are some parents who are horrible, the vast majority os SN parents are working their butts off trying to help their kids. It isn’t easy for them or for the kid. But they are trying and not these absentee parents you think they are.

[Anonymous]

I can only speak to FCPS but honestly most districts are the same in this respect. The kid’s parents are probably aware that they have the “chair thrower.” And their school has probably told them the two options are, 1) the kid goes to regular 1st grade, or 2) the kid goes to a self contained classroom for kids with multiple disabilities, which might not be academically appropriate for a kid who is on grade level. Are there other placements? Of course, but the schools are generally not forthcoming about them because they cost $$$. It’s more expensive to send a kid to a public school placement for kids with behavioral challenges, and it’s more expensive even than that to get them a private placement. So what they do is they force the kid to fail in a mainstream classroom. Not necessarily fail academically, although the school performance will start to suffer eventually, but fail socially and in terms of behavior. Toward the end of the school year, at the earliest, and IF the parents push for it, an IEP will be discussed and it may or may not recommend an alternative placement. Or it may have goals for “emotional regulation” that a mainstream teacher is going to be in way over her head about. A lot of parents are unaware of the alternative placements, and the ones who are aware likely don’t have the time, energy, knowledge, money to hire an advocate, etc. to fight the schools on getting a placement. So the chair thrower continues to throw and disrupt and the school twiddles their thumbs about it. So it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a chair thrower in 1st grade. He is now top of his class in 4th grade and one of the better behaved kids. It took a lot of therapy, meds, and the right type of school support. It's exhausting and horrible. My kid will now tell me things like "in 1st grade my teacher thought I was so bad, she never let me play at recess and I always had to sit alone". I don't have much advice for the other parents, because all of my energy was tied up in trying to help my own kid. Maybe if it makes you feel better you can try to be grateful that your child doesn't struggle this way? Not trying to he snarky, just offering another viewpoint. I also think it's totally fine to keep asking the principal to be moved to another classroom if your child is truly bothered or having trouble learning.

Sorry but what kid wouldn’t be bothered or have trouble learning if they think that at any minute someone might throw a chair at them? Imagine if this was allowed at work. I do have sympathy for the chair throwing kid too but not at the expense of every other kid + teachers’ safety. First priority at school should be making sure all kids and staff are sane, if you can’t do that, no learning will be happening.

My kid would be fine. Same way they’re not terrified when they see a crazy homeless person, or a loud barking dog, or a kid with cerebral palsy, or whatever else it is that you find undesirable or that makes you uncomfortable.

Nothing in your post indicates your kid is under any threat.

One of mine would be fine. The other wouldn't. The problem is not every child that young has the ability to express how they are processing things like this.

Huh? No human being is fine in that situation. You have to be an idiot or so out of touch with your instincts to feel safe in a situation like that.

Let me put it this way, if the chair thrower were an adult and they threw a chair in a meeting at work, no reasonable adult would feel safe working in that environment. It is preposterous that we subject the most defenseless of us to such violence in the name of social justice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Violent kid should be moved into a virtual classroom ASAP.

Yes I think this is the solution. The violent kids I’ve seen personally are this way due to poor parenting. I don’t see why they should get a 1-1 aide when every kid could benefit from such attention.

[Anonymous]

I really don’t understand why we integrated classrooms in the first place. There are more special needs (especially behavioural) than ever before, yet we have far fewer classrooms and schools for special needs than ever before.

There needs to be many more special needs schools dedicated to kids like this that can provide academics for kids at grade level. There is a lot of push back from parents bc no one wants there kid in a classroom full of kids that are far below grade level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a chair thrower in 1st grade. He is now top of his class in 4th grade and one of the better behaved kids. It took a lot of therapy, meds, and the right type of school support. It's exhausting and horrible. My kid will now tell me things like "in 1st grade my teacher thought I was so bad, she never let me play at recess and I always had to sit alone". I don't have much advice for the other parents, because all of my energy was tied up in trying to help my own kid. Maybe if it makes you feel better you can try to be grateful that your child doesn't struggle this way? Not trying to he snarky, just offering another viewpoint. I also think it's totally fine to keep asking the principal to be moved to another classroom if your child is truly bothered or having trouble learning.

Sorry but what kid wouldn’t be bothered or have trouble learning if they think that at any minute someone might throw a chair at them? Imagine if this was allowed at work. I do have sympathy for the chair throwing kid too but not at the expense of every other kid + teachers’ safety. First priority at school should be making sure all kids and staff are sane, if you can’t do that, no learning will be happening.

My kid would be fine. Same way they’re not terrified when they see a crazy homeless person, or a loud barking dog, or a kid with cerebral palsy, or whatever else it is that you find undesirable or that makes you uncomfortable.

Nothing in your post indicates your kid is under any threat.

One of mine would be fine. The other wouldn't. The problem is not every child that young has the ability to express how they are processing things like this.

Huh? No human being is fine in that situation. You have to be an idiot or so out of touch with your instincts to feel safe in a situation like that.

Let me put it this way, if the chair thrower were an adult and they threw a chair in a meeting at work, no reasonable adult would feel safe working in that environment. It is preposterous that we subject the most defenseless of us to such violence in the name of social justice.

+100 I actually had an team member at work who threw a chair at a coworker. He was fired immediately.

Something needs to change in schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Violent kid should be moved into a virtual classroom ASAP.

Yes I think this is the solution. The violent kids I’ve seen personally are this way due to poor parenting. I don’t see why they should get a 1-1 aide when every kid could benefit from such attention.

Does the 1:1 aid help out at school computer lab with online classes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Violent kid should be moved into a virtual classroom ASAP.

Yes I think this is the solution. The violent kids I’ve seen personally are this way due to poor parenting. I don’t see why they should get a 1-1 aide when every kid could benefit from such attention.

Agree. Violent kids should be removed immediately and not able to return to regular classroom until they have had a consultation from professionals (medical and psychological), treatment plan in place, and clearance from a behavioural specialist to return. Why is it the schools burden to medically treat someone’s child? The school’s sole job is to teach. If a kid is being violent, then it is the parent’s responsibility to either find a special school that can accommodate their behaviour or get them the appropriate treatments

[Anonymous]

I think the funding public schools is what really will help this issue.... Am I right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to go and read the Special Needs forum. Don’t post, just read. See what the parents are going through. Listen to their anguish as they post about struggles getting help for their kids both in school and through private therapies. See the emotional and monetary cost that they are living through.

Most parents are trying to help their kids and are frustrated with the system and how it is failing their kids. They don’t want their kid melting down in your kids class. They don’t want to be judged. They want the best for their kid. They want your kid to be safe.

It sucks having a kid melting down and throwing things and all of that. It sucks for the Teacher, it sucks for the students, it sucks for that kid. No one wants this. But solving it is hard and the families who are working to find a solution know it is expensive, there are not enough providers, and there are not enough Teachers.

Just read what those parents are living through. Hopefully it will reset the issue in your mind. You will still be upset about your kids experience and angry that your kid is in danger but maybe a bit less likely to use words like monster and ashamed and horrible parents. While there are some parents who are horrible, the vast majority os SN parents are working their butts off trying to help their kids. It isn’t easy for them or for the kid. But they are trying and not these absentee parents you think they are.

I don’t care. About any of that. The thing I care about is my sweet, normal, smart child being able to go to school and learn, and not have to worry about getting hurt by someone’s out of control child.