Why are sleepovers so important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to choose how other people react to your choices.

It's the "we don't allow, period." It begs the question of why.

No one is outraged or thinks they are "so important" but yeah people are curious and free to judge.

DP.

What's there to be curious about?

We don't allow because they are not important to us. I don't see what purpose they serve. I bonded just fine with my friends without sleepovers. I have close friends from when I was 10.

I allow my kids to sleep over at my sister's house because it's a long drive away and they sometimes want to spend the following morning there for an activity. If she lived closer like DD's friends do, I'd drive them there in the evening, pick them up and drive them back there in the morning.

Other than convenience/ inconvenience in the case of long distant friends,I don't see any reason why my kids shouldn't sleep in their own beds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

Or what’s sketchy about older siblings, or live in relatives like grandpa? In those posters view, everyone is assumed to be a sexual predator or criminal. I honestly pity them and their kids. They can keep their children under house arrest, it’s a great way to raise well adjusted adults.

[Anonymous]

Important? No.

Fun? Yes, at least usually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to choose how other people react to your choices.

It's the "we don't allow, period." It begs the question of why.

No one is outraged or thinks they are "so important" but yeah people are curious and free to judge.

DP.

What's there to be curious about?

We don't allow because they are not important to us. I don't see what purpose they serve. I bonded just fine with my friends without sleepovers. I have close friends from when I was 10.

I allow my kids to sleep over at my sister's house because it's a long drive away and they sometimes want to spend the following morning there for an activity. If she lived closer like DD's friends do, I'd drive them there in the evening, pick them up and drive them back there in the morning.

Other than convenience/ inconvenience in the case of long distant friends,I don't see any reason why my kids shouldn't sleep in their own beds.

You don’t see what purpose they serve? As in there’s no purpose for kids to spend time together in person with their friends? Maybe you’re objecting that the time spent together is at the evening/night/morning when it is better to arrange them mid day/afternoons.

Genuine question for people that don’t do sleepovers, do you allow play dates, let your child visit friends at their house or have other kids over? I don’t see a huge distinction between this and sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to choose how other people react to your choices.

It's the "we don't allow, period." It begs the question of why.

No one is outraged or thinks they are "so important" but yeah people are curious and free to judge.

DP.

What's there to be curious about?

We don't allow because they are not important to us. I don't see what purpose they serve. I bonded just fine with my friends without sleepovers. I have close friends from when I was 10.

I allow my kids to sleep over at my sister's house because it's a long drive away and they sometimes want to spend the following morning there for an activity. If she lived closer like DD's friends do, I'd drive them there in the evening, pick them up and drive them back there in the morning.

Other than convenience/ inconvenience in the case of long distant friends,I don't see any reason why my kids shouldn't sleep in their own beds.

You don’t see what purpose they serve? As in there’s no purpose for kids to spend time together in person with their friends? Maybe you’re objecting that the time spent together is at the evening/night/morning when it is better to arrange them mid day/afternoons.

Genuine question for people that don’t do sleepovers, do you allow play dates, let your child visit friends at their house or have other kids over? I don’t see a huge distinction between this and sleepovers.

They are sleeping during sleep overs, no? So it's not the same as time spent in the afternoon. Are they up playing all night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

Or what’s sketchy about older siblings, or live in relatives like grandpa? In those posters view, everyone is assumed to be a sexual predator or criminal. I honestly pity them and their kids. They can keep their children under house arrest, it’s a great way to raise well adjusted adults.

Person who asked about single parents here.

Older siblings are sketchy. They are usually not supervised as well as the younger ones( and this is fine because they are older), and they
watch and say stuff that is not age appropriate for younger kids.

I grew up with older siblings and I matured much faster than my children are now( saw all the boyfriend and girlfriend drama, heard conversations I shouldn’t have etc). Nothing necessarily wrong with it, but it's not what I want for my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to choose how other people react to your choices.

It's the "we don't allow, period." It begs the question of why.

No one is outraged or thinks they are "so important" but yeah people are curious and free to judge.

DP.

What's there to be curious about?

We don't allow because they are not important to us. I don't see what purpose they serve. I bonded just fine with my friends without sleepovers. I have close friends from when I was 10.

I allow my kids to sleep over at my sister's house because it's a long drive away and they sometimes want to spend the following morning there for an activity. If she lived closer like DD's friends do, I'd drive them there in the evening, pick them up and drive them back there in the morning.

Other than convenience/ inconvenience in the case of long distant friends,I don't see any reason why my kids shouldn't sleep in their own beds.

You don’t see what purpose they serve? As in there’s no purpose for kids to spend time together in person with their friends? Maybe you’re objecting that the time spent together is at the evening/night/morning when it is better to arrange them mid day/afternoons.

Genuine question for people that don’t do sleepovers, do you allow play dates, let your child visit friends at their house or have other kids over? I don’t see a huge distinction between this and sleepovers.

There is usually less supervision at sleepovers just by the fact that parents are asleep. Also, being up late without parents watching just leads some kids to do things they normally aren’t allowed to. I’m not 100% against sleepovers, but having attended a lot as a teen, I’ve seen it all and I know what kids can get up to. If you know the other kids and family well, it’s probably not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

Or what’s sketchy about older siblings, or live in relatives like grandpa? In those posters view, everyone is assumed to be a sexual predator or criminal. I honestly pity them and their kids. They can keep their children under house arrest, it’s a great way to raise well adjusted adults.

Peer to peer sexual abuse is greatly on the rise. Children now have access to websites that they shouldn’t and they get curious. Time spent away from adults with no supervision behind closed doors is absolutely the type of situation you want to avoid in this day and age. Prime time for peer sexual abuse is 12-14 years old and it is rarely reported due to peer pressure and shame. But the devastating effects are long lasting.

My kids have get togethers with friends during the day in common areas with an adult in earshot. These are the times we live in today. I pity the kids of parents who’d rather keep their head in the sand than face and adapt to the dangers of this changing world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

Or what’s sketchy about older siblings, or live in relatives like grandpa? In those posters view, everyone is assumed to be a sexual predator or criminal. I honestly pity them and their kids. They can keep their children under house arrest, it’s a great way to raise well adjusted adults.

Person who asked about single parents here.

Older siblings are sketchy. They are usually not supervised as well as the younger ones( and this is fine because they are older), and they
watch and say stuff that is not age appropriate for younger kids.

I grew up with older siblings and I matured much faster than my children are now( saw all the boyfriend and girlfriend drama, heard conversations I shouldn’t have etc). Nothing necessarily wrong with it, but it's not what I want for my children.

Lol wait what? How could you possibly avoid this? Only by having an only child….or somehow making sure you had one set of twins and then no other children??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

Some people on DCUM think single parents (single moms) will have boyfriends sleeping over at the same time as the kids, and that this is potentially inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

Or what’s sketchy about older siblings, or live in relatives like grandpa? In those posters view, everyone is assumed to be a sexual predator or criminal. I honestly pity them and their kids. They can keep their children under house arrest, it’s a great way to raise well adjusted adults.

Person who asked about single parents here.

Older siblings are sketchy. They are usually not supervised as well as the younger ones( and this is fine because they are older), and they
watch and say stuff that is not age appropriate for younger kids.

I grew up with older siblings and I matured much faster than my children are now( saw all the boyfriend and girlfriend drama, heard conversations I shouldn’t have etc). Nothing necessarily wrong with it, but it's not what I want for my children.

Lol wait what? How could you possibly avoid this? Only by having an only child….or somehow making sure you had one set of twins and then no other children??

My kids are 2 years apart, so close enough in age.

My siblings were 3-10 years older. You wouldn’t believe the stuff I used to read in my much older sibling's room...

So I am referring to much older siblings, say
greater than 5 years apart.

[Anonymous]

[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

Or what’s sketchy about older siblings, or live in relatives like grandpa? In those posters view, everyone is assumed to be a sexual predator or criminal. I honestly pity them and their kids. They can keep their children under house arrest, it’s a great way to raise well adjusted adults.

Peer to peer sexual abuse is greatly on the rise. Children now have access to websites that they shouldn’t and they get curious. Time spent away from adults with no supervision behind closed doors is absolutely the type of situation you want to avoid in this day and age. Prime time for peer sexual abuse is 12-14 years old and it is rarely reported due to peer pressure and shame. But the devastating effects are long lasting.

My kids have get togethers with friends during the day in common areas with an adult in earshot. These are the times we live in today. I pity the kids of parents who’d rather keep their head in the sand than face and adapt to the dangers of this changing world.

This is not new. It has always been the case. See the Duggers. There are many other examples. People are just more enlightened now. Leaving a bunch of teenagers on their own at night is not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.

What is sketchy about single parents?

Or what’s sketchy about older siblings, or live in relatives like grandpa? In those posters view, everyone is assumed to be a sexual predator or criminal. I honestly pity them and their kids. They can keep their children under house arrest, it’s a great way to raise well adjusted adults.

Peer to peer sexual abuse is greatly on the rise. Children now have access to websites that they shouldn’t and they get curious. Time spent away from adults with no supervision behind closed doors is absolutely the type of situation you want to avoid in this day and age. Prime time for peer sexual abuse is 12-14 years old and it is rarely reported due to peer pressure and shame. But the devastating effects are long lasting.

My kids have get togethers with friends during the day in common areas with an adult in earshot. These are the times we live in today. I pity the kids of parents who’d rather keep their head in the sand than face and adapt to the dangers of this changing world.

This is not new. It has always been the case. See the Duggers. There are many other examples. People are just more enlightened now. Leaving a bunch of teenagers on their own at night is not a good idea.

You are right that this has always been prevalent but parents have often assumed it would be a victimized child from a bad environment that would victimize another. But psychologists are seeing more abuse stemming from kids watching pornographic material on their devices and then coercing others to experiment. It’s often unplanned and spontaneous abuse because of opportunity. What follows is often a lifetime of guilt and shame leading to anxiety, depression, and other poor mental health outcomes.

[Anonymous]

I would potentially let girls have a sleepover but not boys.