Why are sleepovers so important?

[Anonymous]

Bonding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a fan of sleepovers. I have trauma from one of mine where I was assaulted. However, recently I allowed my daughter to sleep over at a close friend’s house that I’ve known for years. It was fine except they stayed up too late and it took 2 days to recover. My daughter was so happy I allowed it.

I’m sorry. Who assaulted you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t allowed sleepovers and hated my parents for it. Lead to me being excluded. My parents are anxious people and it negatively impacted me big time.

Generational trauma. I'm sorry, that is hard!

My mom wasn’t allowed to, therefore I wasn’t and she was always on me about creeps at others houses (understandable). What this meant for me is that I left college after one semester because I couldn’t handle not being home. I was scared. I came home almost every weekend starting October. It was bad. Still hold a lot against my folks for it because it completely changed my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow sleepovers, period. Why are people so outraged and appalled by a “no” to sleepovers? It’s bizarre.

My kids have traveled with school groups and sports, gone out of town with relatives, etc. We can easily say a simple “no, sorry” to a party or anything else as needed, but no to a sleepover in a private home is met with “oh no! why not?! what other dates work?!” from other parents and their kids. I just don’t get why it is so important and why such a big push for these events.

A strict “no sleepovers” policy is too often borne out of a parent’s transphobic prejudice.

I think it’s former sexual assault or childhood abuse.

.

This. The parent is likely a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

Yep. I have friends who won’t send their child to sleepovers if there is a brother in the home, for this reason. They will only allow sleepovers if the child has just sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow sleepovers, period. Why are people so outraged and appalled by a “no” to sleepovers? It’s bizarre.

My kids have traveled with school groups and sports, gone out of town with relatives, etc. We can easily say a simple “no, sorry” to a party or anything else as needed, but no to a sleepover in a private home is met with “oh no! why not?! what other dates work?!” from other parents and their kids. I just don’t get why it is so important and why such a big push for these events.

A strict “no sleepovers” policy is too often borne out of a parent’s transphobic prejudice.

I think it’s former sexual assault or childhood abuse.

Ding ding ding.

[Anonymous]

I have bad memories of a sleepover at a friend’s house whose father was a real creeper. I was totally unsettled and my friend made us go through his playboy stash and look at photos of naked women. This was a respectable family in the community too. I was 8 years old and never wanted to go back. My kids now have zero interest in sleepovers and I’m totally fine with that. If they really wanted to go, I would consider, but only with people we know very well.

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers are hard. I was allowed to go to them, and nothing traumatic ever happened to me. But they also weren't fun for me, even with really close friends. For a lot of people, the sleepover age zone corresponds pretty exactly to the privacy-seeking period of early adolescence. I wasn't comfortable sleeping in a room with other people. The morning after was always awkward, and I always wanted to leave a lot sooner than was appropriate.

I hear a lot of people talking about "families they know well" and with my own kids, this is also my concern - not because I'm on the lookout for predators somehow, but because I was the kid at a sleepover party where I didn't know the parents, not feeling great and not having any trusted adult I could ask for help. The only places my kid has ever slept over are places where she does feel that sense of comfort with the parents.

In any case, I don't have a problem with the no-sleepover people. I hate hosting them and am holding out as long as humanly possible this year. But I also recognize the social pressure associated with attending them and try to support my kiddo, who like me would rather sleep in her own bed at the end of the night, in doing what she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to choose how other people react to your choices.

It's the "we don't allow, period." It begs the question of why.

No one is outraged or thinks they are "so important" but yeah people are curious and free to judge.

That was my point. OP is free to make her own choices. That does not make her free from other people asking why.

[Anonymous]

My boys have never asked (currently 13 and 10). It doesn't seem like something people do in our neighborhood and I'm thrilled with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow sleepovers, period. Why are people so outraged and appalled by a “no” to sleepovers? It’s bizarre.

My kids have traveled with school groups and sports, gone out of town with relatives, etc. We can easily say a simple “no, sorry” to a party or anything else as needed, but no to a sleepover in a private home is met with “oh no! why not?! what other dates work?!” from other parents and their kids. I just don’t get why it is so important and why such a big push for these events.

They’re not important.

We noticed n the girl side the only children families got obsessed with them as a way to force friendships but come middle school interests took over, it that.

We have hosted or attended sleepovers to help facilitate a tricky sports schedule or joint vacation or new baby being born, etc. But having a kid sleep over just be HSs ur and then be an unhealthy zombie the next day- or two!- No thanks.

In high school it was event based sleeping over and everyone was serious about sleeping before the tournament or early bus departure.

[Anonymous]

No one sleeps well.

They overeat processed chips, ice cream and dessert.

Watch stupid movies and pull pranks

No one functions the next day well.

Who has time for that? Does your kid usually have nothing to do or go to on weekends?

[Anonymous]

Pizza is nutritious! Coaches love their players rolling in for the game after a sleepover and pizza!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one sleeps well.

They overeat processed chips, ice cream and dessert.

Watch stupid movies and pull pranks

No one functions the next day well.

Who has time for that? Does your kid usually have nothing to do or go to on weekends?

At least in my circle growing up, no kids were not nearly as busy as they are today. Imo that was a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a fan of sleepovers. I have trauma from one of mine where I was assaulted. However, recently I allowed my daughter to sleep over at a close friend’s house that I’ve known for years. It was fine except they stayed up too late and it took 2 days to recover. My daughter was so happy I allowed it.

I’m sorry. Who assaulted you?

What, like you want their name? Bob Bobsworth. Why, do you know him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boys have never asked (currently 13 and 10). It doesn't seem like something people do in our neighborhood and I'm thrilled with that.

Really? My son and stepson have sleepovers all the time.