Why are sleepovers so important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow sleepovers, period. Why are people so outraged and appalled by a “no” to sleepovers? It’s bizarre.

My kids have traveled with school groups and sports, gone out of town with relatives, etc. We can easily say a simple “no, sorry” to a party or anything else as needed, but no to a sleepover in a private home is met with “oh no! why not?! what other dates work?!” from other parents and their kids. I just don’t get why it is so important and why such a big push for these events.

A strict “no sleepovers” policy is too often borne out of a parent’s transphobic prejudice.

I think it’s former sexual assault or childhood abuse.

+1

Some moms, if they only hvae one gender of DC, get irrational - but I think it is because they were sexually abused or sexually assaulted, at some point, and don't want to come out and say it. Which is fine, but don't make assumptions about other houses.

I also find that first generation (my parents) do not approve of sleepovers, in general.

I am in the nope camp and was not abused. I witnessed inter-family creepiness bordering on incest/abuse during a sleepover.

I get not going to that particular house, or if you don't know someone well enough, which is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one sleeps well.

They overeat processed chips, ice cream and dessert.

Watch stupid movies and pull pranks

No one functions the next day well.

Who has time for that? Does your kid usually have nothing to do or go to on weekends?

Agreed. I had tons of sleepovers as a kid, but as a parent I see not much good about them. A sleepover with 1 good friend would probably be fine, but big group sleepovers usually lead to bullying or inappropriate behavior (pranks). I wouldn’t be able to handle hosting one because I would be too anxious to sleep with a bunch of extra kids in the house potentially trying to sneak out or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Europeans don’t do sleep overs

Asians don’t do sleep overs

Black people don’t do sleep overs

Latinos don’t do sleepovers

This is a very “new world” whites thing

+100

[Anonymous]

I dunno, OP. Because sleepovers are fun. And your kids are missing out. When they are older and have get togethers with old friends from childhood who start reminiscing about all the great sleepovers your kids will probably feel a pang that they missed out.

My parents didn't ban sleepovers at other houses once we were in high school, but we never could have them at our house, there were some other things I missed out on. I do feel a twinge of regret when I hear about all these fun childhood moments I didn't get to experience because my parents (mostly it was my mom) were so anxious and restrictive.

Obviously your rules. But just accept that your kids are missing out on a lot of fun with their friends because of your rules. And have some really great reasons at the ready for when your kids question it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I grew up in a normal neighborhood with normal families. Loved having sleepovers and going to them.

But I wouldn’t sleep over random houses. These were cousins, neighbors, and school friends whose houses I have already been in many times. If something felt off, I just wouldn’t go there anymore and say no to a sleepover

Most child sexual assault victims are victimized by people the family knows.

“About 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 13 boys in the United States experience child sexual abuse.
Someone known and trusted by the child or child’s family members, perpetrates 91% of child sexual abuse.”

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childsexualabuse/fastfact.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Europeans don’t do sleep overs

Asians don’t do sleep overs

Black people don’t do sleep overs

Latinos don’t do sleepovers

This is a very “new world” whites thing

I'm white and my DC's best friend is black and sleeps over all the time. Like once a month. Another close friend is Latino and comes every year for DC's sleepover birthday.

But even if it's true that black Americans, Europeans, Asian/Asian-Americans, Latinos and Latin-Americans don't do sleepovers, that it's something new world white people do, what makes that a negative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one sleeps well.

They overeat processed chips, ice cream and dessert.

Watch stupid movies and pull pranks

No one functions the next day well.

Who has time for that? Does your kid usually have nothing to do or go to on weekends?

Agreed. I had tons of sleepovers as a kid, but as a parent I see not much good about them. A sleepover with 1 good friend would probably be fine, but big group sleepovers usually lead to bullying or inappropriate behavior (pranks). I wouldn’t be able to handle hosting one because I would be too anxious to sleep with a bunch of extra kids in the house potentially trying to sneak out or something.

I can understand this if you kids' friends are the kind who pull pranks and break rules. But I think "usually" is awfully strong accusation to make about all kids. My children's friends were the nerdy quiet ones who never tried such things, and from grade school through high school we never once had an incident, even at parties with 10 kids. Know the friends who come over, I guess is the lesson.

Also, we worried about my DS's social skills when he was really young, so it made us happy that he had the experience of navigating 5+ kids for an entire evening. He built some really strong friendships and I think the sleepovers, at our place and his friends, helped solidify them.

[Anonymous]

With elementary and tween girls, j found there can be a lot of drama. Despite doing everything to make the kids happy, we’d have tears, arguments, one would go home early. It became better with more well adjusted friends, but early on i opposed them bc the girls were little devils.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, OP. Because sleepovers are fun. And your kids are missing out. When they are older and have get togethers with old friends from childhood who start reminiscing about all the great sleepovers your kids will probably feel a pang that they missed out.

My parents didn't ban sleepovers at other houses once we were in high school, but we never could have them at our house, there were some other things I missed out on. I do feel a twinge of regret when I hear about all these fun childhood moments I didn't get to experience because my parents (mostly it was my mom) were so anxious and restrictive.

Obviously your rules. But just accept that your kids are missing out on a lot of fun with their friends because of your rules. And have some really great reasons at the ready for when your kids question it.

Most people aren’t still friends with childhood sleepover buddies. And with 1 in 4 girls molested in this country, not having sleepovers is likely to help your kid “miss out” in a good way. You should be thanking your parents instead of whining about missed “fun”.

[Anonymous]

DD is not allowed to sleep over, except at one house. Those folks I’m friends with, and know very well. DD is allowed to host same gendered friends for sleepovers, and has had several.

DH has had two sisters assaulted during sleepovers by young male relatives of their friends. I’m okay with being overprotective, in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, OP. Because sleepovers are fun. And your kids are missing out. When they are older and have get togethers with old friends from childhood who start reminiscing about all the great sleepovers your kids will probably feel a pang that they missed out.

My parents didn't ban sleepovers at other houses once we were in high school, but we never could have them at our house, there were some other things I missed out on. I do feel a twinge of regret when I hear about all these fun childhood moments I didn't get to experience because my parents (mostly it was my mom) were so anxious and restrictive.

Obviously your rules. But just accept that your kids are missing out on a lot of fun with their friends because of your rules. And have some really great reasons at the ready for when your kids question it.

Most people aren’t still friends with childhood sleepover buddies. And with 1 in 4 girls molested in this country, not having sleepovers is likely to help your kid “miss out” in a good way. You should be thanking your parents instead of whining about missed “fun”.

Some of my favorite high school memories are the birthday sleepovers my friends had. And I’m still friends with those women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a fun and unique rite of passage. Why the mock outrage on your part?

And: obviously, if you say no to a party they aren’t going to try to reschedule the party for everyone. But if it’s a one on one invite (for a sleepover) it’s natural to ask about alternate dates

I went through this rite of passage and am skipping with my own kids. The things I witnessed... Nope Nope Nopetty Nope Nope Nope!!!!!!

Are you…a grown adult or a 3 year old child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one sleeps well.

They overeat processed chips, ice cream and dessert.

Watch stupid movies and pull pranks

No one functions the next day well.

Who has time for that? Does your kid usually have nothing to do or go to on weekends?

Agreed. I had tons of sleepovers as a kid, but as a parent I see not much good about them. A sleepover with 1 good friend would probably be fine, but big group sleepovers usually lead to bullying or inappropriate behavior (pranks). I wouldn’t be able to handle hosting one because I would be too anxious to sleep with a bunch of extra kids in the house potentially trying to sneak out or something.

So basically your mom was a better mom than yourself

[Anonymous]

My son, 10 yo, is asking for a sleepover about once a month, more often during the summer vacation, usually with one or two kids. They’ll play some games, watch videos, throw a ball, talk with each other etc. It’s a way to socialize and bond with friends, and also to learn some independence skills from being away from his family. To question having sleepovers is like questioning going to social events at work, or attend a friend’s birthday. The all have a similar social function.

If you can’t handle a couple of kids overnight you have some serious organizational issues. Don’t feed them ice cream, send them to bed early, separate them if you need to. That’s it, not that big of a deal.

Equating sleepovers with sexual abuse is more indicative of control issues and mental struggles the parents have, and to be honest it sounds more like a rationalization.

It’s fine if you don’t let your kids have or go to sleepovers, but that doesn’t make you a “better” parent. Don’t claim you don’t “understand” why other parents do it, taking an air of superiority towards it is just playing silly.

From my experience kids that are allowed to sleepovers tend to be more independent, they go to school or to the park on their own, know more about handling money, are more socially skilled etc. Sleepovers are not the only way to develop those skills, but it’s one way.

[Anonymous]

I loved sleepovers and began hosting and attending in third grade. But by HS, these took a darker turn with alcohol brought in, sneaking out, etc.

Completely understand not allowing sleepovers, OP. I’m a mom 3 with one DS and it was my DS who had more sleepovers than my girls ever did. He’s a college student now and has had the same close guy fiends since ES. I know the families very well.

I was super strict with my oldest and would be only allow infrequent sleepovers with families we knew well and fully admit if there was anything sketchy about any of the families (think older siblings, single parent, live in relatives or too many unknown details) then it was a hard no.