Guy I was dating was married and wife’s pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not the woman’s job to conduct a thorough background check on a guy to make sure he’s not a dirt bag. It’s the guy’s responsibility to be honest. It’s also not the woman’s fault or problem if the guy is married. The guy is making that decision and is responsible for it. Why keep blaming women who aren’t the ones lying and cheating?

I am a guy.

Yes, it's very easy to run a background check on a total stranger.

I did. I found a mugshot and arrest record online for domestic violence battery. The guy tried to explain himself, but no thank you.

I also found court records and a restraining order online from another divorced guy who claimed his ex wife was crazy.

It might not be hard to do so, but agree with others that there’s no obligation to.

DP. Sure. No obligation. But then you should understand that you're accepting the risks that come with choosing not to check someone out.

My relative just started online dating. She had interest from one guy who seemed like he had potential.They hadn't had a first meeting yet. I suggested she at least Google him and we did it together. The search turned up criminal charges for very shady real estate dealings in another state, and failure to show up in court etc. He'd clearly moved to my relative's state to get away from criminal charges in the other state. We found this in the first 30 seconds of Googling. Naturally she never accepted a date and blocked him. But it hadn't even occurred to her to check him out at all.

Women need to be more cautious.

And there are married women doing thus putting their families at risk- like the one in queens murdered in her home while her teenage son was asleep upstairs.

People are so stupid and only think with their genitals.

[Anonymous]

OP - where did you have sex with him, always at your house or a hotel? I just wonder, why it didn't cross your mind to ask the guy invite you over, show his place etc. Usually partnered men prefer to rent a hotel for first sex, it's a red flag. I just dated someone I met online: he attempted to have sex at my house or a hotel. I told me, no - invite me, show your place a few times. Then we both take STI testing and stop having sex with others as we are getting to know each other in intimate way. You cook a romantic dinner at your place followed by sex. I'm not a prude, I give you my consent just on my terms.

He called a week after saying he didn't have "enough feelings" for me. Of course his profile is now active again with black glasses on his lying face. Cheating jerk!

[Anonymous]

While dating in this area I found out through online snooping or just happenstance, that 3 men were engaged or dating (of course I’m assuming it was a closed relationship, 1/3 I knew for sure was closed). Fortunately it was within the first few dates but yikes! My friend also dated a married and engaged man (dating while mid20s-early30s) Background check and online snoop girls!

[Anonymous]

I think I know the OP of this post. She’s a reporter. This has been going around town this wk and it’s pretty shocking. Everyone thought the dude was divorced bc that’s what he was telling people. Moved his family out of state during Covid and then carried on like a bachelor. Brutal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I know the OP of this post. She’s a reporter. This has been going around town this wk and it’s pretty shocking. Everyone thought the dude was divorced bc that’s what I he was telling people. Moved his family out of state during Covid and then carried on like a bachelor. Brutal.

Oh so he had his own place here, probably a new circle of friends who didn’t know his family. Yeah that would be hard to spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I know the OP of this post. She’s a reporter. This has been going around town this wk and it’s pretty shocking. Everyone thought the dude was divorced bc that’s what I he was telling people. Moved his family out of state during Covid and then carried on like a bachelor. Brutal.

Oh so he had his own place here, probably a new circle of friends who didn’t know his family. Yeah that would be hard to spot.

Bingo. Was running around with a younger crowd who never knew his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I know the OP of this post. She’s a reporter. This has been going around town this wk and it’s pretty shocking. Everyone thought the dude was divorced bc that’s what he was telling people. Moved his family out of state during Covid and then carried on like a bachelor. Brutal.

Maybe out of human decency don’t include an identifying profession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I know the OP of this post. She’s a reporter. This has been going around town this wk and it’s pretty shocking. Everyone thought the dude was divorced bc that’s what he was telling people. Moved his family out of state during Covid and then carried on like a bachelor. Brutal.

Why has it been going around town? Are they famous? How did the word go out and why do people care enough to talk about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not the woman’s job to conduct a thorough background check on a guy to make sure he’s not a dirt bag. It’s the guy’s responsibility to be honest. It’s also not the woman’s fault or problem if the guy is married. The guy is making that decision and is responsible for it. Why keep blaming women who aren’t the ones lying and cheating?

I am a guy.

Yes, it's very easy to run a background check on a total stranger.

I did. I found a mugshot and arrest record online for domestic violence battery. The guy tried to explain himself, but no thank you.

I also found court records and a restraining order online from another divorced guy who claimed his ex wife was crazy.

I’ve run background checks before (for hiring a nanny) and you generally need an SSN or taxpayer ID #. Admittedly I’ve been out of the dating pool for a while, but I don’t recall getting this information during the date period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I know the OP of this post. She’s a reporter. This has been going around town this wk and it’s pretty shocking. Everyone thought the dude was divorced bc that’s what he was telling people. Moved his family out of state during Covid and then carried on like a bachelor. Brutal.

Maybe out of human decency don’t include an identifying profession.

There are tons of reporters in DC and plus it’s not OPs fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was casually dating/sleeping with this guy who I assumed was divorced and had been for years. Two weeks after we broke up I got a text from a woman claiming to be his pregnant wife asking me how long I’d been dating her husband. Wtf!

How did you meet him?

[Anonymous]

These are some crazy stories. This is why I happily remain single in my 40s. These men are something else.

I have a rule that I only date men that are introduced to me through a friend or family member that I trust, so there is an element of accountability.

I also do not have sex within the first 3 months, and I have to see where they live and spend alot of time there before they even think about getting in these pants. I also try to meet their friends and family so I can see what kind of background and circle the man comes from, and check for red flags.

Men these days have alot to hide, so I take my time to snuff out the bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are some crazy stories. This is why I happily remain single in my 40s. These men are something else.

I have a rule that I only date men that are introduced to me through a friend or family member that I trust, so there is an element of accountability.

I also do not have sex within the first 3 months, and I have to see where they live and spend alot of time there before they even think about getting in these pants. I also try to meet their friends and family so I can see what kind of background and circle the man comes from, and check for red flags.

Men these days have alot to hide, so I take my time to snuff out the bs.

This is very smart. The way people go out for drinks and go home the same night with someone they barely know is dangerous on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why casual dating is a bad idea.

What do you suggest, Aunt Pittypat? Arranged marriage?

Don’t you think there’s a reasonable solution somewhere between the extremes?

I'd prefer aunt pittypat set me up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I know the OP of this post. She’s a reporter. This has been going around town this wk and it’s pretty shocking. Everyone thought the dude was divorced bc that’s what he was telling people. Moved his family out of state during Covid and then carried on like a bachelor. Brutal.

Maybe out of human decency don’t include an identifying profession.

There are tons of reporters in DC and plus it’s not OPs fault.

Former reporter here. It's not her fault that he's a complete and utter d**k (not just to her but also to his family); however, I'm surprised that as a reporter she did not check out his background early on in their relationship. Most reporters I've known would have had some ingrained tendency to want to know more about a person and would have at least done a decent Google search. Again, not her fault about the outcome, and maybe her background makes her trusting on the romance front despite the reporter training. Just kind of surprising. She learned the truth in such a terrible, sad way.