Drug addict son wants to move back in

[Anonymous]

Nope, nope, nope...mainly because you have another teenager to worry about and I would not want drugs in the house with a teenager around.

Save the son you have left at home.

[Anonymous]

He says his life has no value; neither will yours if you capitulate.
My son hooked into opioids at 15, dealing at 16.
I kicked him out. At 30 he straightened his life, now we talk weekly. He works and contributes to society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old oxycodone addicted son wants to move back in. He has dabbled in heroin (won’t admit it).
I know because he couch surfed for a while and ended up staying at a neighbor shortly.

I have a 17y/o in HS.

Should I let him stay and for how long. My 25y/o has been doing God knows what since age 19.

Drugs started at 16/17.

He tells me the last time we spoke that he considers his life to be over and no point going back to school or get a job. He’s waiting to just ”kick the bucket since he’s basically almost 30 which means his life is over”. Direct quote from him.

Should I just let him do what he wants and move in?

Please spare me the judging we’ve tried everything.

No.

[Anonymous]

Our life-long family friends had a son like this. He even did a couple of jail stints. They let him come home once, and it was not long before he was addicted and arrested again. They told him they love him but they could not let him destroy the rest of the family.

About 10 years later he showed up. He had cleaned up, and they welcomed him back into the family. He has been fine since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird to me how people can turn their child away at only age 25 who is very very sick.

You sound like a lucky soul who hasn’t seen addiction close up. You should bow out rather than spout such nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the advice.

Im wondering why he thinks his life is over? Are people not accepting of people starting over in life in our society?
Does everyone have to have the same chronological cookie cutter life? college at 18, grad at 22 etc.

I dont understand.. Oh God… or is he depressed?

Thank you

Because he hates himself for using. (Brother who was addicted and residential program did the trick)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you again.

At 25 he has 60 more years hopefully.

But he feels its too late to have a normal life. Once he gets better he feels like even if it gets better he will be ashamed forever.

Yes he’s my son , shouldnt have killed him drug addict son.
Thank you

He’s wrong. Tell him my brother was meth-addicted and is living a beautiful life now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you again.

At 25 he has 60 more years hopefully.

But he feels its too late to have a normal life. Once he gets better he feels like even if it gets better he will be ashamed forever.

Yes he’s my son , shouldnt have killed him drug addict son.
Thank you

He’s wrong. Tell him my brother was meth-addicted and is living a beautiful life now.

+1 that he’s wrong. When I met my husband 18 years ago, he was a (very.) newly clean OxyContin addict - like still weaning off of suboxone. At 23 I did not grasp the severity of this when he told me about it (and it was just a lesser publicized issue in general at that point) - but that’s neither here nor there…the point is that he’s been completely clean ever since. You would never, ever suspect it knowing him now - he’s a successful manager in IT sales making $275k, we have 4 beautiful healthy kids, a normal happy stable life.

My husband says he rarely, if ever, really thinks about that time in his life now - it’s just so far in the rear view. Over the past decade or so, the only time it’s really come up is when he’s chosen, on occasion, to share this part of past with various people - often in response to them sharing something similar about themselves / a family member. As I’m sure you know, it’s a much more common story than people think. But, as I said, anyone who learns this about him is shocked….you’d never suspect, knowing him now.

In 2 years your son could have a completely different life! He absolutely can start over and “catch up” or whatever it is he’s worried about. No question

[Anonymous]

No

OP have you been to AlAnon? It is the support group for families and friends of addicts and alcoholics, some in recovery and some not.

Your son has to want to get clean.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the replies
This is something I see in many younger people.

”It’s too late” ”There’s no point” ”People will judge me” ”Even if I change my story will haunt me forever”
The success stories you share are very helpful-OP. Don’t know how to change that mentality

[Anonymous]

The less contact you have with him the better for you and your other child. It’s just the truth.

[Anonymous]

The world can be rough. Hold on -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The less contact you have with him the better for you and your other child. It’s just the truth.

You're heartless and THAT'S just the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He says his life has no value; neither will yours if you capitulate.
My son hooked into opioids at 15, dealing at 16.
I kicked him out. At 30 he straightened his life, now we talk weekly. He works and contributes to society.

Too bad you didn't contribute as a parent. He's a saint for continuing to speak to you.