Do you care what other parents look like?

[Anonymous]

I am chubby and I don't care what other people look like, but I do care that you might care what I look like. So I am sometimes intimidated by very fit moms. Among my actual friends I am on the larger side and I don't feel any jealousy or intimidation but that is because I know them and they know me beyond a size. In my 20s I was super fit, and that when I made most of these friends. Genetics, age, and motherhood have not been kind to my body. So I do worry that thin people who don't know me will judge and I just try to avoid that.

Fwiw my kids play sports. My husband is very fit. And, I am very active and love working out. I'm just not skinny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do because they do. I'm objectively good looking and birds of a feather flock together. So far, whenever I befriend someone less attractive, it seems to bother the other mom and she seems insecure and jealous. I know it doesn't have to be that way, and I'll keep trying. But that's my true life experience Sunday Bummrr Summer Truth Bomb.

God, I hope you’re a middle schooler pretending to be a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one friend who is obese. All my other friends have normal bodies. A couple are very pretty. All my friends say I am always the prettiest and have all said so multiple times.

All my moms friends are slim though I am not sure they are all beautiful. My obese friend is an old friend from grad school. I love her and she is one of the few people I can really be myself with. She was not always this big and multiple health issues have brought about a large weight gain. I don’t think she cares at all that I am pretty and fit.

6/10 I LOLed.

I laughed so sharply coffee went into my sinuses. PP’s lack of self-awareness is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

There are parents who always have their hair done, make up on, and never wear ill fitting clothes.

And then there are parents that never do.

I've always thought it has more to do with this than pretty vs not pretty.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a tool. If he is using terms like “implicit bias” in this context he is a DEI moron.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I’ll bite. I gained about twenty pounds after some intense life stresses - then I got pregnant, lost the pregnancy, but had gained an additional twenty-five pounds (late loss). I noticed a *huge* difference in how I was treated at a larger size/weight. Men and women in all contexts were less friendly, less helpful, more dismissive: I was shocked, but I knew it was related to my weight because d never been treated like that before and I’d never been fat before.

Now I’ve lost most of the weight and men and women are friendlier, more helpful, I get better service etc. I think the Economist did a recent analysis on women’s weight/size and income and showed that thinner women make more money.

Eye-opening but unfortunately not surprising.[/quote]

After a serious health issue I was suddenly invisible. People made assumptions and treated me much worse. I’ve regrown my hair and lost a bit of the weight and it’s weird to have some of the good treatment back.

[Anonymous]

I agree with poster who says common interests is a big thing that attracts friends. I work out, play tennis, ski, etc… so have those things in common with other moms who do and our kids are doing those sports too as a family.

I never dress up the days when I’m off and doing pick up. DH does more pick up though because I travel with work. I’m always in work out gym clothes, no make up, etc. at pick up because I’m fitting in the gym besides running errands and doing pick up when I’m off. Moms at my school don’t dress up.

So common interests I think is a big one when it comes to friends at your kids school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to avoid pretty parents who are pretty in that particular manicured way that means they work hard at it. A combination of assuming they won’t want to talk to me and lingering middle school life lessons. If they go out of their way to talk to me, I’ll definitely still be friendly but I’m more likely to strike up a conversation with an un-made-up, slightly schlubby looking mom on the playground.

I love that you brought up middle school trauma. I have the same history, extending into HS. For me, I know I have an implicit bias against well groomed, good looking women in that I assume they won’t like me or be interested in being friends with me. And 98% of the time I’m right, but every once in awhile a pretty, fashionable woman will continue seeking me out, and I’m always a bit guarded and skeptical.

But yes it’s clear that pretty, looks-oriented women are *typically* only interested in being friends with women like them. And honest, they probably have more shallow interests in common, like discussing their purse brands and which Botox doctor they use.

I dunno - I love Botox and people of all shapes and sizes. I only discuss Botox with interested parties though. Feels like. a lot of people on this thread are filtering out for looks, but a lot of filtering out for good looks.

[Anonymous]

I kind of care. Not if they are attractive or not but I wouldn’t typically strike up a conversation with a mom that’s pretty in that highly manicured and styled suburban Mormon mom way. They are pretty in their own way but I don’t think we’d have much in common.

I’ll also say; within my friend group there are women of varying levels of attractiveness and it really doesn’t seem like anyone cares at all. In our 20s there was some level of competition to be “hot” but we are all in our mid 30s now and it seems like everyone is happy in their own skin and the “whose the prettiest” dick measuring contest is totally over and would come off as desperate now

[Anonymous]

The ones that have the best looks burp and fart loud. I only care about manners and attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care what other parents look like, but more because I don’t try very hard to be friends with them. I’m a fat mom with a big job. I don’t hang with the SAHMs that do Pilates and play tennis, because I have nothing in common with them. They talk about their jewelry making business and vacations. They make cookies with each team members name in icing. I have no interest in this at all. They are all fit and pretty, but I can’t stand being with them for any period of time.

My kids play sports and I tend to hang with the dads. My job is more in line with theirs and I know more than most moms about sports.

Yiiikes this is so cringey. Big “NoT LiKe OtHeR gIrLs” energy 😬

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care what other parents look like, but more because I don’t try very hard to be friends with them. I’m a fat mom with a big job. I don’t hang with the SAHMs that do Pilates and play tennis, because I have nothing in common with them. They talk about their jewelry making business and vacations. They make cookies with each team members name in icing. I have no interest in this at all. They are all fit and pretty, but I can’t stand being with them for any period of time.

My kids play sports and I tend to hang with the dads. My job is more in line with theirs and I know more than most moms about sports.

Yiiikes this is so cringey. Big “NoT LiKe OtHeR gIrLs” energy 😬

Not really. I’m a thin mom with no job and those women scare me too.

[Anonymous]

I’m thin, fit and attractive. I’ve noticed the larger moms always want to comment on what I’m eating or not eating at gatherings or if out together. I find it rude and annoying. So I avoid women to befriend that are either extremely overweight or that seem unhappy with their own self

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care what other parents look like, but more because I don’t try very hard to be friends with them. I’m a fat mom with a big job. I don’t hang with the SAHMs that do Pilates and play tennis, because I have nothing in common with them. They talk about their jewelry making business and vacations. They make cookies with each team members name in icing. I have no interest in this at all. They are all fit and pretty, but I can’t stand being with them for any period of time.

My kids play sports and I tend to hang with the dads. My job is more in line with theirs and I know more than most moms about sports.

Yiiikes this is so cringey. Big “NoT LiKe OtHeR gIrLs” energy 😬

Not really. I’m a thin mom with no job and those women scare me too.

Except " big job" mom is not admitting they scare her. She is talking big and trying to sound tough in oder to hide her insecurities and ignorance. Big " small penis" energy. It's a good thing she hangs out with the guys. She is one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care what other parents look like, but more because I don’t try very hard to be friends with them. I’m a fat mom with a big job. I don’t hang with the SAHMs that do Pilates and play tennis, because I have nothing in common with them. They talk about their jewelry making business and vacations. They make cookies with each team members name in icing. I have no interest in this at all. They are all fit and pretty, but I can’t stand being with them for any period of time.

My kids play sports and I tend to hang with the dads. My job is more in line with theirs and I know more than most moms about sports.

Oof. Your internal misogyny is showing.

“Big job”

Lol