What is “a village”?

[Anonymous]

We moved to a parochial school last year and there's a trusting village atmosphere to it. It's small enough that everyone knows each other and kids call all the parents Mr. and Mrs. X. Parents feel comfortable asking other parents to drive to birthday parties and such, and scolding misbehavior if necessary. There are a lot of social events in order to keep these bonds tight. There are a few families who keep to themselves and they are definitely judged for it because who wouldn't want to be part of a village??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved to a parochial school last year and there's a trusting village atmosphere to it. It's small enough that everyone knows each other and kids call all the parents Mr. and Mrs. X. Parents feel comfortable asking other parents to drive to birthday parties and such, and scolding misbehavior if necessary. There are a lot of social events in order to keep these bonds tight. There are a few families who keep to themselves and they are definitely judged for it because who wouldn't want to be part of a village??

That's not a village, PP, it's a clique, and a mean one at that. Families who don't conform are collectively judged? Ew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved to a parochial school last year and there's a trusting village atmosphere to it. It's small enough that everyone knows each other and kids call all the parents Mr. and Mrs. X. Parents feel comfortable asking other parents to drive to birthday parties and such, and scolding misbehavior if necessary. There are a lot of social events in order to keep these bonds tight. There are a few families who keep to themselves and they are definitely judged for it because who wouldn't want to be part of a village??

That's not a village, PP, it's a clique, and a mean one at that. Families who don't conform are collectively judged? Ew.

I didn't say anything about conforming. I'm talking about avoiding eye contact, not saying hi to anyone, answering questions with one-word answers instead of having a conversation, not showing up to events. Least clique-y atmosphere I've ever been in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always hear how modern moms don’t have “a village” like in the past. What exactly is the village? What are we missing that past moms had?

My village is those of whom I rely upon for advice and support. In DC, where we have no family when kids were young, it was my new moms group, some of whom had older kids. We are still in touch and our kids are mostly done with college. We still talk about the struggles and accolades of our kids, and still get together.

It was also my mom, aunt and cousin. When a kid did something that seemed outrageous, I could call then and they could talk me off the ledge and help us come up with a reasonable and appropriate parental response.

I suppose also my parents in that when spouse was traveling for work and going to be gone for a week, I could drive the 5 hours to their house and spend a week with their support so that I wouldn't be single parenting with 3 little ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved to a parochial school last year and there's a trusting village atmosphere to it. It's small enough that everyone knows each other and kids call all the parents Mr. and Mrs. X. Parents feel comfortable asking other parents to drive to birthday parties and such, and scolding misbehavior if necessary. There are a lot of social events in order to keep these bonds tight. There are a few families who keep to themselves and they are definitely judged for it because who wouldn't want to be part of a village??

That's not a village, PP, it's a clique, and a mean one at that. Families who don't conform are collectively judged? Ew.

I didn't say anything about conforming. I'm talking about avoiding eye contact, not saying hi to anyone, answering questions with one-word answers instead of having a conversation, not showing up to events. Least clique-y atmosphere I've ever been in.

I'd probably avoid this group, too, if you're judging those who don't participate. You don't see the clique because you're in it. These parents probably know better than to engage; why they stay in the school is their business, because the atmosphere sounds dreadful to me.

[Anonymous]

My village is my friends and neighbors who I can count on in a pinch. I would never trust my effed-up family with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved to a parochial school last year and there's a trusting village atmosphere to it. It's small enough that everyone knows each other and kids call all the parents Mr. and Mrs. X. Parents feel comfortable asking other parents to drive to birthday parties and such, and scolding misbehavior if necessary. There are a lot of social events in order to keep these bonds tight. There are a few families who keep to themselves and they are definitely judged for it because who wouldn't want to be part of a village??

That's not a village, PP, it's a clique, and a mean one at that. Families who don't conform are collectively judged? Ew.

I didn't say anything about conforming. I'm talking about avoiding eye contact, not saying hi to anyone, answering questions with one-word answers instead of having a conversation, not showing up to events. Least clique-y atmosphere I've ever been in.

From your posts, it is easy to understand why they don't wish to associate with your judgemental and hateful village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved to a parochial school last year and there's a trusting village atmosphere to it. It's small enough that everyone knows each other and kids call all the parents Mr. and Mrs. X. Parents feel comfortable asking other parents to drive to birthday parties and such, and scolding misbehavior if necessary. There are a lot of social events in order to keep these bonds tight. There are a few families who keep to themselves and they are definitely judged for it because who wouldn't want to be part of a village??

That's not a village, PP, it's a clique, and a mean one at that. Families who don't conform are collectively judged? Ew.

I didn't say anything about conforming. I'm talking about avoiding eye contact, not saying hi to anyone, answering questions with one-word answers instead of having a conversation, not showing up to events. Least clique-y atmosphere I've ever been in.

From your posts, it is easy to understand why they don't wish to associate with your judgemental and hateful village.

Noticing that a fellow parent isn't very friendly even when welcomed is now hateful??? When did the bar on hateful get so low anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved to a parochial school last year and there's a trusting village atmosphere to it. It's small enough that everyone knows each other and kids call all the parents Mr. and Mrs. X. Parents feel comfortable asking other parents to drive to birthday parties and such, and scolding misbehavior if necessary. There are a lot of social events in order to keep these bonds tight. There are a few families who keep to themselves and they are definitely judged for it because who wouldn't want to be part of a village??

That's not a village, PP, it's a clique, and a mean one at that. Families who don't conform are collectively judged? Ew.

I didn't say anything about conforming. I'm talking about avoiding eye contact, not saying hi to anyone, answering questions with one-word answers instead of having a conversation, not showing up to events. Least clique-y atmosphere I've ever been in.

From your posts, it is easy to understand why they don't wish to associate with your judgemental and hateful village.

Noticing that a fellow parent isn't very friendly even when welcomed is now hateful??? When did the bar on hateful get so low anyway?

You specifically said you JUDGE them. That is hateful and you're in a parochial school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always hear how modern moms don’t have “a village” like in the past. What exactly is the village? What are we missing that past moms had?

1. Grandparents who are young and active enough to truly help with children of all ages
2. Siblings and friends with children of similar and somewhat older ages, both to commiserate and to offer advice
3. Aunts and uncles who are also willing and able to lend a hand
4. A community who can be trusted to teach a child (hey, thanks for holding the door for the person with a box *or* hey, I saw you scaring that animal, don't do that) and intervene if they see a need
5. Anyone (everyone) willing to lend a hand when illness, pregnancy/birth, or other event necessitates help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I might be about to go into labor early and my family can’t fly in right now and we have two other kids so we’re trying to figure out who we can call at 3am in case we need someone to watch the kids. It’s a tough ask of other parents of young kids who also have their hands full.

Call Susan at NannyPoppinz now. She'll get someone who can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always hear how modern moms don’t have “a village” like in the past. What exactly is the village? What are we missing that past moms had?

1. Grandparents who are young and active enough to truly help with children of all ages
2. Siblings and friends with children of similar and somewhat older ages, both to commiserate and to offer advice
3. Aunts and uncles who are also willing and able to lend a hand
4. A community who can be trusted to teach a child (hey, thanks for holding the door for the person with a box *or* hey, I saw you scaring that animal, don't do that) and intervene if they see a need
5. Anyone (everyone) willing to lend a hand when illness, pregnancy/birth, or other event necessitates help

Less people have kids now so what’s in it for them to help you?

[Anonymous]

I have never lived anywhere near my family and no one I know does either. What's this business with relatives helping out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always hear how modern moms don’t have “a village” like in the past. What exactly is the village? What are we missing that past moms had?

1. Grandparents who are young and active enough to truly help with children of all ages
2. Siblings and friends with children of similar and somewhat older ages, both to commiserate and to offer advice
3. Aunts and uncles who are also willing and able to lend a hand
4. A community who can be trusted to teach a child (hey, thanks for holding the door for the person with a box *or* hey, I saw you scaring that animal, don't do that) and intervene if they see a need
5. Anyone (everyone) willing to lend a hand when illness, pregnancy/birth, or other event necessitates help

Less people have kids now so what’s in it for them to help you?

1. Someone to house sit while they’re on vacation

2. Cheap teen/child labor to pet sit, mow lawns, shovel snow, etc

3. A community young enough to be able to and who can be trusted to help an elder struggling with aging in place or visit them when they move into assisted living (run errands for them, visit with them, etc)

4. Anyone (everyone) willing to lend a hand when illness or other event necessitates help

This is the type of village I was raised in. It seems a little harder to build/find in a transient big city but I’m having pretty good luck with chatting with other parents at playgrounds/joining group chats and staying in touch with family (although they are for emergencies/emotional support only as they aren’t local) and old friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved to a parochial school last year and there's a trusting village atmosphere to it. It's small enough that everyone knows each other and kids call all the parents Mr. and Mrs. X. Parents feel comfortable asking other parents to drive to birthday parties and such, and scolding misbehavior if necessary. There are a lot of social events in order to keep these bonds tight. There are a few families who keep to themselves and they are definitely judged for it because who wouldn't want to be part of a village??

I think your wording is a bit off as far as saying you judge those people collectively but I do know what you mean. DD started at a small Christian 2 years ago in 4th grade. There are definitely some parents who don’t make any effort. No eye contact, no conversation, no invites to bday parties. I’ve found mom friends but it’s taken effort on my part.