What is “a village”?

[Anonymous]

I have a village. One friend worked really hard to cultivate it and now it’s a group of families who are truly always there for each other. We text each other throughout the week. Celebrate each others successes, cry together, watch each other kids; now that they’re older, the kids wander in and out of each others houses. The kids are very much like cousins and I have a group of women (and their husbands) that I know I can call on at any minute. I am very lucky but to my first point, it takes hard work to get there. You can do it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always hear how modern moms don’t have “a village” like in the past. What exactly is the village? What are we missing that past moms had?

In my parents situation, they had the church which allowed them friendships, a lot of time away from the kids - there were classes and we were allowed to hang out inside and outside of the church grounds, and bible study with a small group of people. Food was always prepared, music/hymns always sung and games were always played. It really was ideal for families in many ways.

On the other hand, DH and I have 2 kids and never had a break. We spend so much time with our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a in village. It’s not family, it’s friends and neighbors with similar age kids. I help them and they help us, it’s rare but we know we are there for each other.
Last week during a storm my kid (11) was at the pool and they closed for thunder. I wasn’t there, a friend of mine brought her home, that’s being a village….

Meh. That’s not a “village.” That’s an emergency contact. Does the friend watch your kid while you work?

I’m the PP, the friend was there with her own kids. Not an emergency contact, just happened to be at the pool.
This was just a recent example, if her kid was there alone I would have done the same thing. Earlier in the summer a different kid was there and my kid was getting a snack from snack bar. Different kid had no money, I gave her $3 to get an ice cream with my kid…… to me that’s village parenting too.

[Anonymous]

For us it’s my parents and in laws, my siblings and their families and a few neighbors. We live within 90 mins of most family. We trade kids, do sleepovers, host, do trips together, watch each others’ houses on vacation, etc.

Definitely makes raising kids easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Close family or hired help.

I don't think hired help counts as a village.

[Anonymous]

People are way more judgmental now as well which means any neighbors and friends in your village better be non smokers who share your parenting philosophy, food habits and political beliefs. You're searching for unicorns.

[Anonymous]

A village is people who care about your kid (and in my mind, free of charge). That can be family (grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc), neighbors, friends. Anyone who can essentially act as surrogate parents when you are unavailable. Are there people in your lives who would drop everything to watch your kid in an emergency? Do you have neighbors who will walk your kid to school with theirs in the morning so you can leave for work early? Is there a friend who will speak up to correct your kid's bad behavior? Those kinds of people make up your village.

[Anonymous]

When I was a kid, my mom lived 20 minutes drive from her parents, who would watch us if my mom needed. She also had sisters (one a teen, the other in her early 20s) who would help out occasionally. And literally a dozen teenage/early 20s female cousins that lived within an hours drive. I remember a summer when I was about 6 or 7 and each week, a different one of these cousins came and stayed with us to help out with me and my younger siblings. My mom paid them, but still it was a lot cheaper and more flexible/convenient timing than hiring a nanny or using camp/daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I might be about to go into labor early and my family can’t fly in right now and we have two other kids so we’re trying to figure out who we can call at 3am in case we need someone to watch the kids. It’s a tough ask of other parents of young kids who also have their hands full.

This happened to me and thankfully we have friends with teenagers who were up for taking our toddler for two days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are way more judgmental now as well which means any neighbors and friends in your village better be non smokers who share your parenting philosophy, food habits and political beliefs. You're searching for unicorns.

One of these things is not like the other. Smokers are a health concern. The rest are personal preferences. Food might also be a health concern if there is an allergy involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are way more judgmental now as well which means any neighbors and friends in your village better be non smokers who share your parenting philosophy, food habits and political beliefs. You're searching for unicorns.

One of these things is not like the other. Smokers are a health concern. The rest are personal preferences. Food might also be a health concern if there is an allergy involved.

I just mentioned that because I remember the mom who drove 6 of us to girl scouts smoking in her station wagon. My parents did not smoke but could not care less if the carpool mom did. Nowadays that wouldn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are way more judgmental now as well which means any neighbors and friends in your village better be non smokers who share your parenting philosophy, food habits and political beliefs. You're searching for unicorns.

One of these things is not like the other. Smokers are a health concern. The rest are personal preferences. Food might also be a health concern if there is an allergy involved.

I just mentioned that because I remember the mom who drove 6 of us to girl scouts smoking in her station wagon. My parents did not smoke but could not care less if the carpool mom did. Nowadays that wouldn't happen.

Oh, my grandma smoked like a chimney and I had asthma, but it was the 80s/90s, so there we were every week. I get it. And also, I hated it and it was awful.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both from the area so our village is mostly family. But we have neighbors who have no family nearby and we try to be a village for them. We invite them to holidays, bring them with us on vacations (our family has a local beach place), help with carpooling/driving. We even had our parents watch a neighbor's kids when we wanted to go out as couples.

[Anonymous]

A village is a small community of people who know each other and help each other and watch out for each other when needed. It includes family, friends, neighbors and even shop keepers, the librarian, the people at the community center, the police, just everyone in the village. Few people live in a place like this now apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, it’s grandparents who step in and provide childcare on a regular basis. And my sister, who I see every weekend.

Free babysitting and house checking for those who have children and are too lazy to care for them. Let's call it what it is!