2023: where will you move when your kids leave home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

I’ll explain it for you. For many of us DC is a company town and our relationships are mainly due to proximity. We are only spending time with these people because we have a job here and families we met through our kids. Once we no longer have a job or kids at home we won’t have a reason to spend any time with these people. They are perfectly nice but not a reason to stay here. Unfortunately you may have not figured out that a lot of people here are only friends with you during this stage of life because it’s convenient.

Also DC doesn’t really have any natural beauty and there are other parts of the country with better access to beaches, skiing, hiking etc. It sounds like you like to garden, but that is only one activity. The average retiree isn’t interested in visiting museums over and over again and DC isn’t known for its restaurants or shopping. It’s also expensive because of the job market and if you’re not longer working then why live here?

Plenty of retiree - especially dual income couples - have large retirement accounts and plenty of equity in their home if not a fully paid off home. If you had millions of dollars of practically guaranteed income, no mortgage and no kids here, would you really choose to live in Washington, dc? For most people that’s a hard NO.

I'm all for moving somewhere where you feel happier, but people who plan to move to a part of the country where they can do plenty of outdoor activities need to think long and hard about the realities of doing long hiking or other more strenuous activities when they're in their late 60s and into their 70s and 80s. There's only a short window where this is feasible for many before the body starts ageing. You're not retiring with the vigor of a 20-something.

I'll agree the DC area isn't the prettiest in the country. But wherever I go, it better have easy access to first rate health care with a good choice of the best specialists in the country. That is priority #1 even if I am healthy and fit. You just don't know what will happen. #2, proximity to people I already know is another priority.

I suspect "most" people stay put, not move. Because it's just easier to stay put where you have friends and family and, in the case of DC, excellent health care and hospitals.

In my particular case, I'd find living somewhere along the coastline of CT or RI appealing for various reasons but a nice house there isn't going to be that much cheaper, if at all, than in the DMV, and there's no point moving up there if I don't get a nice house within easy reach of the water.

+1 this is why my preference is to stay with my DC community but downsize mainly so I don't have a big yard to maintain and then summer elsewhere via house rentals. Maybe that will lead to us buying a second house or moving but I don't forsee it at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends where my kids end up.

Are you and your kids in agreement that you want to find a city where you will all be comfortable living and make the effort to stay close by? If not, what happens if your kids later move to a different place, are you going keep moving to follow them?

[Anonymous]

I don’t really understand concept of downsizing quickly.

If I thought I liked a place maybe I buy a condo or rent and try it out.

Or even just a VRBO for a month first.

Also until my kids actually get married and buy a house how do you even pick a place.

Today people have kids so much later. My youngest graduates college when I am 67. My cousin is 66 with a kid in HS. My Good college friend is 60 with kids 4, 8 and 12. He is 77 when his last graduates college.

Al Pacino just had a kid at 82 he is 103 his kid graduated college and Robert Deniro just had a kid at 78 is 99 when his kid graduates college.

I don’t see how downsizing is practical with people working till 70-80. Is Joe Biden supposed to downsize. Maybe Dick Van Dyke when he retires can down size.

Downsizing was my uncles and grand uncles who were cops and fireman. Got married at 21, became a cop or fireman at 21. Done with kids by 30 and did their 30 years on force by 51 with kids out of house. Those days are over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're hoping to move to southern Maine. Portland suburbs maybe.

Just a heads up, it will take a LONG time for people there to accept you.

You may find a community of "ex-pats" to socialize with me. But Maine people are stubborn and very skeptical of outsiders

We moved to Maine a few years ago and it took a SHORT time to acclimate. There are a lot of people from away (as Mainers put it) between Kittery and Bath, especially.

Maine is a very popular state to retire to.

You couldn't pay me enough to go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

I’ll explain it for you. For many of us DC is a company town and our relationships are mainly due to proximity. We are only spending time with these people because we have a job here and families we met through our kids. Once we no longer have a job or kids at home we won’t have a reason to spend any time with these people. They are perfectly nice but not a reason to stay here. Unfortunately you may have not figured out that a lot of people here are only friends with you during this stage of life because it’s convenient.

Also DC doesn’t really have any natural beauty and there are other parts of the country with better access to beaches, skiing, hiking etc. It sounds like you like to garden, but that is only one activity. The average retiree isn’t interested in visiting museums over and over again and DC isn’t known for its restaurants or shopping. It’s also expensive because of the job market and if you’re not longer working then why live here?

Plenty of retiree - especially dual income couples - have large retirement accounts and plenty of equity in their home if not a fully paid off home. If you had millions of dollars of practically guaranteed income, no mortgage and no kids here, would you really choose to live in Washington, dc? For most people that’s a hard NO.

I'm all for moving somewhere where you feel happier, but people who plan to move to a part of the country where they can do plenty of outdoor activities need to think long and hard about the realities of doing long hiking or other more strenuous activities when they're in their late 60s and into their 70s and 80s. There's only a short window where this is feasible for many before the body starts ageing. You're not retiring with the vigor of a 20-something.

I'll agree the DC area isn't the prettiest in the country. But wherever I go, it better have easy access to first rate health care with a good choice of the best specialists in the country. That is priority #1 even if I am healthy and fit. You just don't know what will happen. #2, proximity to people I already know is another priority.

I suspect "most" people stay put, not move. Because it's just easier to stay put where you have friends and family and, in the case of DC, excellent health care and hospitals.

In my particular case, I'd find living somewhere along the coastline of CT or RI appealing for various reasons but a nice house there isn't going to be that much cheaper, if at all, than in the DMV, and there's no point moving up there if I don't get a nice house within easy reach of the water.

The outdoors is more than about hiking and skiing. It's about day to day quality of life, being surrounded by beauty, being able to look at the ocean whenever you want to do so.

As with so many things, people in the DMV think that this is the only place in the country with access to good healthcare and specialists.

Here's your house on the water for less than you'd pay for its equivalent here (except that there is no equivalent here).

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/35-brookwood-rd/pid_54211441/

Or maybe you don't need to be right on the water, but walkable to it?

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/15-cliff-dr/pid_54426889/

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/105-kickemuit-ave/pid_53703678/

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/291-high-st/pid_52531912/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

We never found our community here and we hate the weather. Why stay.

The DC area does not "do" community. I lived in Nova and DC for 15 years and just recently moved to Texas. The difference is remarkable. Other places actually do things to naturally foster community, and they prioritize community. DC does not. I think there are great aspects to DC, but feeling like you have roots, like it's your home, a sense of community, is not one of them. There is nothing to stay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to move to New Mexico or Arizona--and I'd especially like a planned 55+ community.
Dh wants Florida and also likes more isolated areas.

We have 4 kids; 3 have "flown" and one is a rising hs senior. The "flown" are currently in the Pittsburgh area, Colorado, and Ohio.
We still don't know where the high schooler will go to college, but he definitely isn't interested in NM, AZ, or FL (hates the heat!)

NM and AZ aren't going to have water in 5 years. Maybe rethink that plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends where my kids end up.

Are you and your kids in agreement that you want to find a city where you will all be comfortable living and make the effort to stay close by? If not, what happens if your kids later move to a different place, are you going keep moving to follow them?

This is a fair question. I'm in my 30s and DH and I moved from city to city for 5 years after college before settling in NOVA. There was a time when my in laws talked about moving near us (when it became clear we weren't moving back near them), but they wouldn't be happy in the DMV. They have friends and volunteer work and arts where they are and love everything about their lives. The only reason they would have moved here was to be near their grandkids and in the end none of us thought it was a good idea for them to uproot their lives. I would have felt so bad if my in laws had moved to Philly when we did and then we picked up and moved two years later. I would feel so bad if they moved here now and struggled to make new friends or find the kind of meaningful community and volunteer work they have at home.

If you can make it work for all involved to live near your kids, that's great! I'm envious of my friends whose parents live nearby. My grandparents lived near me growing up and that kind of regular contact with them was at the core of my childhood and my lasting relationships with them. But it only works if everyone is happy where they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

We never found our community here and we hate the weather. Why stay.

The DC area does not "do" community. I lived in Nova and DC for 15 years and just recently moved to Texas. The difference is remarkable. Other places actually do things to naturally foster community, and they prioritize community. DC does not. I think there are great aspects to DC, but feeling like you have roots, like it's your home, a sense of community, is not one of them. There is nothing to stay for.

I moved to the DMV 28 years ago and have been continually struck by how little sense of "place" there is here. It's a geographic location without an identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're hoping to move to southern Maine. Portland suburbs maybe.

Just a heads up, it will take a LONG time for people there to accept you.

You may find a community of "ex-pats" to socialize with me. But Maine people are stubborn and very skeptical of outsiders

What a ridiculous statement. People in Maine are just like the people everywhere else. If you're kind, nice, open, and put forth an overall happy persona people will be drawn to you. If you have a nasty attitude, RBF, and depressing to be around then people will stay away. You make it sound like Mainers are a different breed unto themselves and they all get together in their little covens and discuss how to keep ex-pats out and make them feel unwelcome. Come on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

I’ll explain it for you. For many of us DC is a company town and our relationships are mainly due to proximity. We are only spending time with these people because we have a job here and families we met through our kids. Once we no longer have a job or kids at home we won’t have a reason to spend any time with these people. They are perfectly nice but not a reason to stay here. Unfortunately you may have not figured out that a lot of people here are only friends with you during this stage of life because it’s convenient.

Also DC doesn’t really have any natural beauty and there are other parts of the country with better access to beaches, skiing, hiking etc. It sounds like you like to garden, but that is only one activity. The average retiree isn’t interested in visiting museums over and over again and DC isn’t known for its restaurants or shopping. It’s also expensive because of the job market and if you’re not longer working then why live here?

Plenty of retiree - especially dual income couples - have large retirement accounts and plenty of equity in their home if not a fully paid off home. If you had millions of dollars of practically guaranteed income, no mortgage and no kids here, would you really choose to live in Washington, dc? For most people that’s a hard NO.

I'm all for moving somewhere where you feel happier, but people who plan to move to a part of the country where they can do plenty of outdoor activities need to think long and hard about the realities of doing long hiking or other more strenuous activities when they're in their late 60s and into their 70s and 80s. There's only a short window where this is feasible for many before the body starts ageing. You're not retiring with the vigor of a 20-something.

I'll agree the DC area isn't the prettiest in the country. But wherever I go, it better have easy access to first rate health care with a good choice of the best specialists in the country. That is priority #1 even if I am healthy and fit. You just don't know what will happen. #2, proximity to people I already know is another priority.

I suspect "most" people stay put, not move. Because it's just easier to stay put where you have friends and family and, in the case of DC, excellent health care and hospitals.

In my particular case, I'd find living somewhere along the coastline of CT or RI appealing for various reasons but a nice house there isn't going to be that much cheaper, if at all, than in the DMV, and there's no point moving up there if I don't get a nice house within easy reach of the water.

The outdoors is more than about hiking and skiing. It's about day to day quality of life, being surrounded by beauty, being able to look at the ocean whenever you want to do so.

As with so many things, people in the DMV think that this is the only place in the country with access to good healthcare and specialists.

Here's your house on the water for less than you'd pay for its equivalent here (except that there is no equivalent here).

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/35-brookwood-rd/pid_54211441/

Or maybe you don't need to be right on the water, but walkable to it?

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/15-cliff-dr/pid_54426889/

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/105-kickemuit-ave/pid_53703678/

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/291-high-st/pid_52531912/

The traffic in Bristol all summer long makes all of these a had no

[Anonymous]

Hard no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

People are mostly the same everywhere. It's very easy to meet new people who fit a given type. I've never had a problem. Family? It's easy to jump on a plane a couple times a year.

Let's be honest. Most people are played out after a few years. It's best to move on and find new.

You sound like you have a cluster B personality disorder. I am glad you are leaving the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rome. DD will go to college in Italy. Will stay in family lake cabin for six weeks every summer. If Trump is re-elected, may send her to high school there and work remotely.

You know Giorgia Meloni is the Italian Prime Minister with huge support and she's very much a firm populist and the Italians, like many countries in Europe, have moved decisively to the right on many issues re immigration etc, which is sort of what Trump's platform was. Not sure how she would be better than Trump, but perhaps you're damaged by the TDS?

Came here to say this.

If a person wants to leave if DJT gets re-elected, I get it. Go ahead. If I had more resources, I may do the same.

But choosing Italy really shows a lack of political awareness

Ha! You don’t seem very political aware of the Italian elections dynamic. Choosing Italy because it’s in Europe, I’m fluent in Italian and have Italian citizenship. Yes, I could move anywhere in Europe, but Italy feels like home in away that the US has not since 2016. Fewer mass shootings. Affordable college. Strong healthcare system. Annoying politics - but more turnover for better or for worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

I’ll explain it for you. For many of us DC is a company town and our relationships are mainly due to proximity. We are only spending time with these people because we have a job here and families we met through our kids. Once we no longer have a job or kids at home we won’t have a reason to spend any time with these people. They are perfectly nice but not a reason to stay here. Unfortunately you may have not figured out that a lot of people here are only friends with you during this stage of life because it’s convenient.

Also DC doesn’t really have any natural beauty and there are other parts of the country with better access to beaches, skiing, hiking etc. It sounds like you like to garden, but that is only one activity. The average retiree isn’t interested in visiting museums over and over again and DC isn’t known for its restaurants or shopping. It’s also expensive because of the job market and if you’re not longer working then why live here?

Plenty of retiree - especially dual income couples - have large retirement accounts and plenty of equity in their home if not a fully paid off home. If you had millions of dollars of practically guaranteed income, no mortgage and no kids here, would you really choose to live in Washington, dc? For most people that’s a hard NO.

I'm all for moving somewhere where you feel happier, but people who plan to move to a part of the country where they can do plenty of outdoor activities need to think long and hard about the realities of doing long hiking or other more strenuous activities when they're in their late 60s and into their 70s and 80s. There's only a short window where this is feasible for many before the body starts ageing. You're not retiring with the vigor of a 20-something.

I'll agree the DC area isn't the prettiest in the country. But wherever I go, it better have easy access to first rate health care with a good choice of the best specialists in the country. That is priority #1 even if I am healthy and fit. You just don't know what will happen. #2, proximity to people I already know is another priority.

I suspect "most" people stay put, not move. Because it's just easier to stay put where you have friends and family and, in the case of DC, excellent health care and hospitals.

In my particular case, I'd find living somewhere along the coastline of CT or RI appealing for various reasons but a nice house there isn't going to be that much cheaper, if at all, than in the DMV, and there's no point moving up there if I don't get a nice house within easy reach of the water.

The outdoors is more than about hiking and skiing. It's about day to day quality of life, being surrounded by beauty, being able to look at the ocean whenever you want to do so.

As with so many things, people in the DMV think that this is the only place in the country with access to good healthcare and specialists.

Here's your house on the water for less than you'd pay for its equivalent here (except that there is no equivalent here).

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/35-brookwood-rd/pid_54211441/

Or maybe you don't need to be right on the water, but walkable to it?

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/15-cliff-dr/pid_54426889/

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/105-kickemuit-ave/pid_53703678/

https://www.coldwellbankerhomes.com/ri/bristol/291-high-st/pid_52531912/

The traffic in Bristol all summer long makes all of these a had no

Yes, the traffic in Bethesda is so much lighter. But at least it's prettier in Bethesda!