2023: where will you move when your kids leave home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 years for us! Requirements (we haven't yet figured it out, but am watching this thread for ideas):
Blue state
Good medical care
Within 50 minutes of an International Airport
College town a plus, but not tiny college and not big state U
Would like to be on a natural lake, but not a deal breaker
4 seasons, ok if winters are miserable, we will head to Costa Rica or Puerto Rico for 2 months
Ok if summers are humid and miserable, we will head to Maine or Oregon for 2 months

Princeton, NJ (has Lake Carnegie which was person-made) close to Newark and Philly airport, easily get to NYC, beach, and has many different events (many public) b/c of the university. Nice restaurants, walk and bike able, McCarter Theater has great productions, train right there and has great hospitals. Cute downtown movie theater, bike and walking path along the lake. But taxes are $.

Also, I second Madison or Milwaukee, WI. Purple state, but cities are blue. Granted, winter is freezing and airports are easy to navigate and get through not not really international. Granted, you could take a flight from Milwaukee to Chicago and then to wherever you want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

A couple of my close friends passed away unexpectedly in the last year (cancer) and my other close friends plan to move south after retirement. So I’m not sure where to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

Exactly. The happiest retirees I know are those who stayed where they lived - most in NYC, Philly, Richmond, or DC. Because of increasing tax burden with our home, I’d be tempted to sell it and buy a condo or coop in DC or downtown Bethesda - maybe even Rockville or North Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

Exactly. The happiest retirees I know are those who stayed where they lived - most in NYC, Philly, Richmond, or DC. Because of increasing tax burden with our home, I’d be tempted to sell it and buy a condo or coop in DC or downtown Bethesda - maybe even Rockville or North Bethesda.

+1 This is where my friends are, the organizations I already volunteer with and one of my kids in college has mentioned that he wants to settle here after college. I don't feel a pull to move away. Sure, we'll travel, might like to do extended stays in other areas but this is home base, at least as long as I don't have grandchildren in another city.

[Anonymous]

If your relationship with your kids is important to you, and/or you’d like to see them at least semi-regularly now and in the future, move somewhere easy to travel to and make sure they have a comfortable place to stay when they visit. Most likely your kids won’t have a real home base after you move for years—try to make one in your new spot for them as much as possible.

I don’t think people always realize it, but the years after high school and into early 20s are pretty critical to start forming new traditions and expectations around time together that’ll stick with their kids even after they marry and have children of their own. We know two couples well that moved immediately after their kids were all out of the house and didn’t prioritize helping them afford to travel for Thanksgivings, etc. or setting a pattern of regular visits. Now they are often angry and wonder why they don’t see their grandkids often and why their kids don’t spend many holidays with them. It’s painful to hear about.

Not saying you shouldn’t move—or that adult children shouldn’t be expected to put in effort too!—just sharing something we’ve definitely noticed and kept in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

We never found our community here and we hate the weather. Why stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 years for us! Requirements (we haven't yet figured it out, but am watching this thread for ideas):
Blue state
Good medical care
Within 50 minutes of an International Airport
College town a plus, but not tiny college and not big state U
Would like to be on a natural lake, but not a deal breaker
4 seasons, ok if winters are miserable, we will head to Costa Rica or Puerto Rico for 2 months
Ok if summers are humid and miserable, we will head to Maine or Oregon for 2 months

Princeton, NJ (has Lake Carnegie which was person-made) close to Newark and Philly airport, easily get to NYC, beach, and has many different events (many public) b/c of the university. Nice restaurants, walk and bike able, McCarter Theater has great productions, train right there and has great hospitals. Cute downtown movie theater, bike and walking path along the lake. But taxes are $.

Also, I second Madison or Milwaukee, WI. Purple state, but cities are blue. Granted, winter is freezing and airports are easy to navigate and get through not not really international. Granted, you could take a flight from Milwaukee to Chicago and then to wherever you want to go.

What "hospitals" are you referring to in Princeton area as "great"? There is just one, in Plainsboro, and it just ok. You will need to go to north Jersey for great hospitals.

[Anonymous]

I want a water view but not ocean. I'm looking at Annapolis and similar cities pretty nearby. I have a lot of friends here so I don't think I want to leave the area entirely. I just want to get a slightly cheaper home than my current one in north Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

We never found our community here and we hate the weather. Why stay.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve spent such a big chunk of your life in a place you don’t like and hope you have a community that has sustained you, even if it exists long distance, that you can move closer to.

[Anonymous]

Good medical care is a must - my inlaws and parents moved to rural pretty places then had serious health problems and it wasn't pretty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

People are mostly the same everywhere. It's very easy to meet new people who fit a given type. I've never had a problem. Family? It's easy to jump on a plane a couple times a year.

Let's be honest. Most people are played out after a few years. It's best to move on and find new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

People are mostly the same everywhere. It's very easy to meet new people who fit a given type. I've never had a problem. Family? It's easy to jump on a plane a couple times a year.

Let's be honest. Most people are played out after a few years. It's best to move on and find new.

Serious question. How many wives have you had? I’m guessing that you were on wife number three and that she’s about 17 years younger than you. But, I’m willing to be surprised. Please come back and let us know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your relationship with your kids is important to you, and/or you’d like to see them at least semi-regularly now and in the future, move somewhere easy to travel to and make sure they have a comfortable place to stay when they visit. Most likely your kids won’t have a real home base after you move for years—try to make one in your new spot for them as much as possible.

I don’t think people always realize it, but the years after high school and into early 20s are pretty critical to start forming new traditions and expectations around time together that’ll stick with their kids even after they marry and have children of their own. We know two couples well that moved immediately after their kids were all out of the house and didn’t prioritize helping them afford to travel for Thanksgivings, etc. or setting a pattern of regular visits. Now they are often angry and wonder why they don’t see their grandkids often and why their kids don’t spend many holidays with them. It’s painful to hear about.

Not saying you shouldn’t move—or that adult children shouldn’t be expected to put in effort too!—just sharing something we’ve definitely noticed and kept in mind.

As someone with young children who does not travel to see my parents for the holidays, I think this is spot on. It's a bit more complicated for me, but there definitely was no effort post-high school to make me feel welcome or help with logistics for the holidays (I would spend the little money I had during grad school to travel and there would be nothing planned, for example, and we would eat at a restaurant that could take us without reservations). I have friends whose parents made it a priority to make it easy for them to visit, and they have different relationships. I also have a close friend whose parents moved to a remote-ish area during retirement and then moved back after 2 years because their kids did not visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are moving to western Massachusetts.

This is one of the options we’re considering, though we might just stay in the DC area.

I *love* western Mass, but the quality of healthcare gives me pause. My husband’s aging parents live there now, and they end up going to Boston for a lot of their care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 years for us! Requirements (we haven't yet figured it out, but am watching this thread for ideas):
Blue state
Good medical care
Within 50 minutes of an International Airport
College town a plus, but not tiny college and not big state U
Would like to be on a natural lake, but not a deal breaker
4 seasons, ok if winters are miserable, we will head to Costa Rica or Puerto Rico for 2 months
Ok if summers are humid and miserable, we will head to Maine or Oregon for 2 months

Princeton, NJ (has Lake Carnegie which was person-made) close to Newark and Philly airport, easily get to NYC, beach, and has many different events (many public) b/c of the university. Nice restaurants, walk and bike able, McCarter Theater has great productions, train right there and has great hospitals. Cute downtown movie theater, bike and walking path along the lake. But taxes are $.

Also, I second Madison or Milwaukee, WI. Purple state, but cities are blue. Granted, winter is freezing and airports are easy to navigate and get through not not really international. Granted, you could take a flight from Milwaukee to Chicago and then to wherever you want to go.

What "hospitals" are you referring to in Princeton area as "great"? There is just one, in Plainsboro, and it just ok. You will need to go to north Jersey for great hospitals.

Penn Medicine is close-by and also Robert Wood Johnson in New Brunswick. Children's Hospital of Philadelphia has some services at Penn Medicine in Plainsboro too.

I guess hospitals aren't "great" anymore. Someone I know just had an awful experience at a top hospital in Boston.

I am saying easy to be seen and have good doctors.