2023: where will you move when your kids leave home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 years for us! Requirements (we haven't yet figured it out, but am watching this thread for ideas):
Blue state
Good medical care
Within 50 minutes of an International Airport
College town a plus, but not tiny college and not big state U
Would like to be on a natural lake, but not a deal breaker
4 seasons, ok if winters are miserable, we will head to Costa Rica or Puerto Rico for 2 months
Ok if summers are humid and miserable, we will head to Maine or Oregon for 2 months

Princeton, NJ (has Lake Carnegie which was person-made) close to Newark and Philly airport, easily get to NYC, beach, and has many different events (many public) b/c of the university. Nice restaurants, walk and bike able, McCarter Theater has great productions, train right there and has great hospitals. Cute downtown movie theater, bike and walking path along the lake. But taxes are $.

Also, I second Madison or Milwaukee, WI. Purple state, but cities are blue. Granted, winter is freezing and airports are easy to navigate and get through not not really international. Granted, you could take a flight from Milwaukee to Chicago and then to wherever you want to go.

What "hospitals" are you referring to in Princeton area as "great"? There is just one, in Plainsboro, and it just ok. You will need to go to north Jersey for great hospitals.

Penn Medicine is close-by and also Robert Wood Johnson in New Brunswick. Children's Hospital of Philadelphia has some services at Penn Medicine in Plainsboro too.

I guess hospitals aren't "great" anymore. Someone I know just had an awful experience at a top hospital in Boston.

I am saying easy to be seen and have good doctors.

Yeah there are great hospitals but those listed are ok not great (just because hospital was in Princeton for a long time and has affluent clientele doesn't mean anything) not trying to be sparky just saying don't move to that area just for the hospitals. The hospital center in Hamilton is good I think even though back in the day Hamilton had a reputation for being a lower class area. But otherwise great hospitals can be found in 1 to 1.5 hour radius. Central New Jersey however is extraordinarily safe and has beautiful neighborhoods and a highly educated population. Signed, someone who grew up there and has parents still in the area.

[Anonymous]

Florida or Wyoming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your relationship with your kids is important to you, and/or you’d like to see them at least semi-regularly now and in the future, move somewhere easy to travel to and make sure they have a comfortable place to stay when they visit. Most likely your kids won’t have a real home base after you move for years—try to make one in your new spot for them as much as possible.

I don’t think people always realize it, but the years after high school and into early 20s are pretty critical to start forming new traditions and expectations around time together that’ll stick with their kids even after they marry and have children of their own. We know two couples well that moved immediately after their kids were all out of the house and didn’t prioritize helping them afford to travel for Thanksgivings, etc. or setting a pattern of regular visits. Now they are often angry and wonder why they don’t see their grandkids often and why their kids don’t spend many holidays with them. It’s painful to hear about.

Not saying you shouldn’t move—or that adult children shouldn’t be expected to put in effort too!—just sharing something we’ve definitely noticed and kept in mind.

Thanks for this.

My family made little or no effort, even when I had kids. First Christmas after I had my first baby, there were no car rentals at the airport and I was worried about getting an Uber, so asked if anyone in my family would pick us up (hour) to airport. Everyone said no and was pissed I would even ask (with a 3 month old), then finally an uncle came and the entire ride back commented on how rude we were to dare ask anyone to pick us at the airport. Granted, another uncle always did it for his kids. I could go on and on and yet I always hear about how they don't know their grandkids...well they don't make an effort and I am tired of making 99.9% of it.

My in-laws are the total opposite, visit us a lot, offer to watch our kids so we might go away for a few days. They plan events when we come, we feel welcome, and they love our kids. They are moving full-time to their second home a bit more remote, but we are making the effort because they really tried with us in a variety of ways. Ways my family never has.

It makes me sad, but I don't want my kid being constantly let down by my family who expects so much of me, yet doesn't reciprocate ever. Yes, I have brought this up and people don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

Eh...friends and community change as well. This area isn't the same as when we moved here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Florida or Wyoming.

'Cause, damn!, Florida and Wyoming are so similar!

[Anonymous]

Depends where my kids end up.

[Anonymous]

I think Colorado fits your description, weather is actually quite mild

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 years for us! Requirements (we haven't yet figured it out, but am watching this thread for ideas):
Blue state
Good medical care
Within 50 minutes of an International Airport
College town a plus, but not tiny college and not big state U
Would like to be on a natural lake, but not a deal breaker
4 seasons, ok if winters are miserable, we will head to Costa Rica or Puerto Rico for 2 months
Ok if summers are humid and miserable, we will head to Maine or Oregon for 2 months

Princeton, NJ (has Lake Carnegie which was person-made) close to Newark and Philly airport, easily get to NYC, beach, and has many different events (many public) b/c of the university. Nice restaurants, walk and bike able, McCarter Theater has great productions, train right there and has great hospitals. Cute downtown movie theater, bike and walking path along the lake. But taxes are $.

Also, I second Madison or Milwaukee, WI. Purple state, but cities are blue. Granted, winter is freezing and airports are easy to navigate and get through not not really international. Granted, you could take a flight from Milwaukee to Chicago and then to wherever you want to go.

What "hospitals" are you referring to in Princeton area as "great"? There is just one, in Plainsboro, and it just ok. You will need to go to north Jersey for great hospitals.

Penn Medicine is close-by and also Robert Wood Johnson in New Brunswick. Children's Hospital of Philadelphia has some services at Penn Medicine in Plainsboro too.

I guess hospitals aren't "great" anymore. Someone I know just had an awful experience at a top hospital in Boston.

I am saying easy to be seen and have good doctors.

Yeah there are great hospitals but those listed are ok not great (just because hospital was in Princeton for a long time and has affluent clientele doesn't mean anything) not trying to be sparky just saying don't move to that area just for the hospitals. The hospital center in Hamilton is good I think even though back in the day Hamilton had a reputation for being a lower class area. But otherwise great hospitals can be found in 1 to 1.5 hour radius. Central New Jersey however is extraordinarily safe and has beautiful neighborhoods and a highly educated population. Signed, someone who grew up there and has parents still in the area.

Thanks, I live in Princeton (and not all of it is affluent FYI). I had great (recent) experiences with Penn Medicine, Robert Wood Johnson, and Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

I was replying to the commenter who wanted certain things when they moved so I was mentioning how there is good medical care in central NJ including Capital Health!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Florida or Wyoming.

'Cause, damn!, Florida and Wyoming are so similar!

Neither have an income tax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're hoping to move to southern Maine. Portland suburbs maybe.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

We can't handle the heat and humidity any longer and our kids don't want to be here either.

[Anonymous]

North Carolina coast

[Anonymous]

We will have an condo/coop in nyc, likely on the park, probably the house we have now in rehoboth beach (presuming kids stay local), something in the Caribbean and a luxury condo wherever the kids live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your relationship with your kids is important to you, and/or you’d like to see them at least semi-regularly now and in the future, move somewhere easy to travel to and make sure they have a comfortable place to stay when they visit. Most likely your kids won’t have a real home base after you move for years—try to make one in your new spot for them as much as possible.

I don’t think people always realize it, but the years after high school and into early 20s are pretty critical to start forming new traditions and expectations around time together that’ll stick with their kids even after they marry and have children of their own. We know two couples well that moved immediately after their kids were all out of the house and didn’t prioritize helping them afford to travel for Thanksgivings, etc. or setting a pattern of regular visits. Now they are often angry and wonder why they don’t see their grandkids often and why their kids don’t spend many holidays with them. It’s painful to hear about.

Not saying you shouldn’t move—or that adult children shouldn’t be expected to put in effort too!—just sharing something we’ve definitely noticed and kept in mind.

Thanks for this.

My family made little or no effort, even when I had kids. First Christmas after I had my first baby, there were no car rentals at the airport and I was worried about getting an Uber, so asked if anyone in my family would pick us up (hour) to airport. Everyone said no and was pissed I would even ask (with a 3 month old), then finally an uncle came and the entire ride back commented on how rude we were to dare ask anyone to pick us at the airport. Granted, another uncle always did it for his kids. I could go on and on and yet I always hear about how they don't know their grandkids...well they don't make an effort and I am tired of making 99.9% of it.

My in-laws are the total opposite, visit us a lot, offer to watch our kids so we might go away for a few days. They plan events when we come, we feel welcome, and they love our kids. They are moving full-time to their second home a bit more remote, but we are making the effort because they really tried with us in a variety of ways. Ways my family never has.

It makes me sad, but I don't want my kid being constantly let down by my family who expects so much of me, yet doesn't reciprocate ever. Yes, I have brought this up and people don't care.

But who moved away? I have one daughter who moved to Boston which ruined my family dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We will have an condo/coop in nyc, likely on the park, probably the house we have now in rehoboth beach (presuming kids stay local), something in the Caribbean and a luxury condo wherever the kids live.

Thank you for clarifying that about what kind of condo you would have wherever your kids live.