Relatives who always want to bring their dog!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think visiting elderly mother - you could accommodate your husband's brother and sister in law in a pool house. If it were not family I would feel differently or if the purpose of the visit was more oriented to the visitors

+1

How often are they visiting? If they come this once, does that mean they're coming every other week from now on - or is this a couple times a year? For your husband's brother. For gd's sake I can't imagine telling my own brother he can't stay with me, to go see our mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

So you think that someone needs to tolerate someone else’s dog in their home to be “fun”? What an odd definition of fun. I also think that it’s odd when people must bring their dog to have “fun”. It just seems weirdly co dependent on an animal. But to each their own I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

So you think that someone needs to tolerate someone else’s dog in their home to be “fun”? What an odd definition of fun. I also think that it’s odd when people must bring their dog to have “fun”. It just seems weirdly co dependent on an animal. But to each their own I suppose.

For their spouse's sibling? Yes. You put up with stuff for family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody who has a problem with kids or dogs just sucks.

Weirdly broad statement. I love dogs and kids but I think it's presumptuous for someone to assume they could stay in another person's house with their dog. Like maybe it works out if they are dog lovers (and also like your specific dog) but also maybe it doesn't and you need to be prepared to go to a hotel or leave your dog at home.

Loving dogs (or kids) does not mean loving every single dog in every single setting. I wouldn't take my kid to a fancy restaurant known to be a good date night spot, or a crowded rock concert, or a quiet museum lecture. Because my kid would not enjoy those venues and would almost certainly be disruptive in a way that would make it less enjoyable for everyone else, too. And the same is true of dogs. They are great. They don't belong everywhere at all times.

Hmm. I regularly take my eldest kid, currently 10, to all of those places.

Great, but you probably did not take that child to those places when they were 5 years old, right? And don't take your younger kids? Meaning that this stuff is context specific and that not all children, or pets, are welcome all places at all times. So you don't take a hyperactive preschooler to the opera, and you maybe don't take your dog to stay in the home of your relative who is allergic and doesn't really like that dog. It's case by case and you have to be willing to accept limitations.

[Anonymous]

I think it greatly depends on the activity. The length of stay, the size of space and how well behave the dog is. One of my sisters has a very well-behaved dog that they have very good control over and I don't care if he ever comes with.
My other sister's dog is small and crazy and will take everything out of the garbage and bark every time it hears a pin drop. Nope. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

That's fine until someone shows up at your house with an ill-behaved dog who barks endlessly at your children and jumps on other people, or a dog that doesn't get along with your dog. It's great to be welcoming, I always try to be a welcoming host. I'm also a mature person with boundaries and the ability to say "I'm sorry but I'm not comfortable with that. I can get you the name of some pet-friendly hotels or we'd be happy to host you at a time when you have a pet sitter." That doesn't make me "not fun," it means I have limits and am not a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

So you think that someone needs to tolerate someone else’s dog in their home to be “fun”? What an odd definition of fun. I also think that it’s odd when people must bring their dog to have “fun”. It just seems weirdly co dependent on an animal. But to each their own I suppose.

No, but I think if someone’s home is of the sort where (legitimate and real “allergies” aside) a dog would by definition be unwelcome ever then, yea, the homeowner is probably stuffy and no fun and not my type of person. I’m not saying I’d necessarily want to bring my dog to every - or any - house I go to, I’m just saying that people whose houses are that untouchable are no fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not allergic to their dog. You just hate dogs. Admit it.

I was going to disagree with you but then I re-read OP and it’s pretty clear you’re right. If it were sincerely allergies the cost/effort of building the pool house wouldn’t matter. Nor that a pet is “so much” to ask when visiting. But if the true concern were dislike:wear & tear from pets? Ah. Now it makes sense.

DP. Even if the wear and tear is the issue, I think that’s fair. I have a dog and can recognize it causes damage to our home. His nails have scratched up our newly refinished hard wood floors (yes we trim them regularly, but there are still marks). He sometimes barfs up food on our rugs, not to mention the fur and dirt tracked in. So we have to deep clean them 2x/year. He’s left brown spots in our grass from peeing. We accept all this because we love him. But I would never expect anyone else to open their home to him regardless of allergies. If they are a major dog lover and offer that would be one thing. But no way would I ever even ask to bring my dog to someone’s brand new pool house.

OP doesn’t need to justify her reasons.

This! Let them know they (BIL & SIL) could stay, but there is a no-dogs policy for the pool house as well, and they would need to board their dog. It's OPs pool house too - she shouldn't have to deal with allergies there or the damage a dog can cause to her brand new floors, walls, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

That's fine until someone shows up at your house with an ill-behaved dog who barks endlessly at your children and jumps on other people, or a dog that doesn't get along with your dog. It's great to be welcoming, I always try to be a welcoming host. I'm also a mature person with boundaries and the ability to say "I'm sorry but I'm not comfortable with that. I can get you the name of some pet-friendly hotels or we'd be happy to host you at a time when you have a pet sitter." That doesn't make me "not fun," it means I have limits and am not a doormat.

Well, you have hit on my one exception: when I know there is already a dog in the house that doesn’t get along with other dogs. But in that case, I just tell the dog owner - and without exception they understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

Congratulations! As a parent and dog owner, me too. But I don’t assume everyone else has to do the same.

Oh my Lord that’s EXACTLY what I just said!

No ! That’s not what you said. You did some heavy handed virtue signaling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think visiting elderly mother - you could accommodate your husband's brother and sister in law in a pool house. If it were not family I would feel differently or if the purpose of the visit was more oriented to the visitors

+1

How often are they visiting? If they come this once, does that mean they're coming every other week from now on - or is this a couple times a year? For your husband's brother. For gd's sake I can't imagine telling my own brother he can't stay with me, to go see our mom.

No one is telling him he can't come, he just needs to board the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

So you think that someone needs to tolerate someone else’s dog in their home to be “fun”? What an odd definition of fun. I also think that it’s odd when people must bring their dog to have “fun”. It just seems weirdly co dependent on an animal. But to each their own I suppose.

No, but I think if someone’s home is of the sort where (legitimate and real “allergies” aside) a dog would by definition be unwelcome ever then, yea, the homeowner is probably stuffy and no fun and not my type of person. I’m not saying I’d necessarily want to bring my dog to every - or any - house I go to, I’m just saying that people whose houses are that untouchable are no fun.

Full blown entitlement and Ophidiophilia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think visiting elderly mother - you could accommodate your husband's brother and sister in law in a pool house. If it were not family I would feel differently or if the purpose of the visit was more oriented to the visitors

+1

How often are they visiting? If they come this once, does that mean they're coming every other week from now on - or is this a couple times a year? For your husband's brother. For gd's sake I can't imagine telling my own brother he can't stay with me, to go see our mom.

No one is telling him he can't come, he just needs to board the dog.

Come on. Be reasonable here. Think like an actual person, not like a DCUM robot. It's such an unfriendly thing to do - especially now that there's a pool house.

OP can do what she wants. She's certainly getting a lot of encouragement to stand her ground here. But I would just recommend taking a step back and thinking about whether this is the hill you want to die on with your husband's brother and his wife - coming to visit your husband's elderly mother in a nursing home. Just take a step back and think about the right way to treat this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

So you think that someone needs to tolerate someone else’s dog in their home to be “fun”? What an odd definition of fun. I also think that it’s odd when people must bring their dog to have “fun”. It just seems weirdly co dependent on an animal. But to each their own I suppose.

No, but I think if someone’s home is of the sort where (legitimate and real “allergies” aside) a dog would by definition be unwelcome ever then, yea, the homeowner is probably stuffy and no fun and not my type of person. I’m not saying I’d necessarily want to bring my dog to every - or any - house I go to, I’m just saying that people whose houses are that untouchable are no fun.

Full blown entitlement and Ophidiophilia.

And you are clearly no fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think visiting elderly mother - you could accommodate your husband's brother and sister in law in a pool house. If it were not family I would feel differently or if the purpose of the visit was more oriented to the visitors

+1

How often are they visiting? If they come this once, does that mean they're coming every other week from now on - or is this a couple times a year? For your husband's brother. For gd's sake I can't imagine telling my own brother he can't stay with me, to go see our mom.

No one is telling him he can't come, he just needs to board the dog.

Come on. Be reasonable here. Think like an actual person, not like a DCUM robot. It's such an unfriendly thing to do - especially now that there's a pool house.

OP can do what she wants. She's certainly getting a lot of encouragement to stand her ground here. But I would just recommend taking a step back and thinking about whether this is the hill you want to die on with your husband's brother and his wife - coming to visit your husband's elderly mother in a nursing home. Just take a step back and think about the right way to treat this situation.

If I zoom out and re-write this from the brother with the dog perspective, I would say "board your dog". Find a nice place or a pet sitter and choose the PEOPLE in your life over your animal. Because the dog will be dead in 10 years, but the rifts from forcing the animal on your human relationships when they have made their stance clear will remain.