Relatives who always want to bring their dog!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think visiting elderly mother - you could accommodate your husband's brother and sister in law in a pool house. If it were not family I would feel differently or if the purpose of the visit was more oriented to the visitors

+1

How often are they visiting? If they come this once, does that mean they're coming every other week from now on - or is this a couple times a year? For your husband's brother. For gd's sake I can't imagine telling my own brother he can't stay with me, to go see our mom.

are you an idiot? reading comprehension issues? BIL and SIL are welcome. But not their dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

So you think that someone needs to tolerate someone else’s dog in their home to be “fun”? What an odd definition of fun. I also think that it’s odd when people must bring their dog to have “fun”. It just seems weirdly co dependent on an animal. But to each their own I suppose.

For their spouse's sibling? Yes. You put up with stuff for family.

Doormat detected. Well, YOU put up with it, others may choose otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think visiting elderly mother - you could accommodate your husband's brother and sister in law in a pool house. If it were not family I would feel differently or if the purpose of the visit was more oriented to the visitors

+1

How often are they visiting? If they come this once, does that mean they're coming every other week from now on - or is this a couple times a year? For your husband's brother. For gd's sake I can't imagine telling my own brother he can't stay with me, to go see our mom.

No one is telling him he can't come, he just needs to board the dog.

Come on. Be reasonable here. Think like an actual person, not like a DCUM robot. It's such an unfriendly thing to do - especially now that there's a pool house.

OP can do what she wants. She's certainly getting a lot of encouragement to stand her ground here. But I would just recommend taking a step back and thinking about whether this is the hill you want to die on with your husband's brother and his wife - coming to visit your husband's elderly mother in a nursing home. Just take a step back and think about the right way to treat this situation.

I have never in my entire adult life had a dog and I agree with you. OP can do whatever she wants but really, is this the thing to dig in your heels about?

Yes. They can board the dog or they can stay in a pet friendly hotel (as they have done in the past). The options are NOT host the dog or brother doesn't see elderly mother.

I wonder what you would be saying if it was your sibling instead of your husbands

Her sibling would never bring the dog to the poolhouse in the first place because they would know and respect that she's allergic to dogs.

[Anonymous]

Wow. This thread made me realize that none of my relatives have ever assumed that they could bring their pets to my house. I'm more blessed than I realized.

[Anonymous]

Dog needs to be boarded. DH is allergic to dogs so I get it OP. There is no need for you to be uncomfortable in your own home and a pool house is still part of your home. I have siblings who have dogs and live about an hour away. So while they don't stay overnight when they visit, it is a bit of a trip for them and they would not be able to stay as long if the dogs are at home. So when it's nice outside, I have no issue with them bringing their dogs to stay outside. I have a fenced yard and they are great about picking up after the dogs. I even keep a dog bowl and toys for them at the house. But when it's too cold to be outside the whole time, they make alternative arrangements. I'm not a dog person but their dogs are well-behaved and they are conscientious guests so I'm willing to bend. But staying in my house...nope.

In the same way, one of my siblings owns a vacation home and brings his dog with him. DH and I can't ever stay there for that reason. But it's their house, their rules and they obviously have the right to bring their dog there. We just don't go even though they are always asking us. It works both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a small pool house why does it have a bed in it set up for guests??
What are your allergy symptoms and do allergy meds help? Do you sleep in the pool house?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! It does not matter. She does not want dogs at the house OR at the pool. Back off.

People with dogs are really crazy in this country.

We all put up with annoying stuff for family. My brother's son refuses to put on clothes at our house, and sits on everything buck naked. We encourage him to cover himself - esp when other people are there! - and he refuses, and my brother doesn't care. His kids embed food in every surface of the house, they touch everything, they move everything, they make a huge mess, they stick their snotty hands into every food container they find, they make a huge amount of noise, I'm always having to look out for things they are about to break - and you know what? You deal with it because it's family and you want to see them and make them feel welcome more than you want to maintain your usual sense of order.

Uh, actually we don’t all put up with naked feral children who can’t follow basic rules.

This plus I am not allergic to the activities above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think visiting elderly mother - you could accommodate your husband's brother and sister in law in a pool house. If it were not family I would feel differently or if the purpose of the visit was more oriented to the visitors

+1

How often are they visiting? If they come this once, does that mean they're coming every other week from now on - or is this a couple times a year? For your husband's brother. For gd's sake I can't imagine telling my own brother he can't stay with me, to go see our mom.

But she’s not telling him he can’t stay. She’s telling him his dog can’t stay. The brother and the dog are separate entities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think visiting elderly mother - you could accommodate your husband's brother and sister in law in a pool house. If it were not family I would feel differently or if the purpose of the visit was more oriented to the visitors

+1

How often are they visiting? If they come this once, does that mean they're coming every other week from now on - or is this a couple times a year? For your husband's brother. For gd's sake I can't imagine telling my own brother he can't stay with me, to go see our mom.

He can stay with her. He just can't bring his dog.

Not sure why this is so hard to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are talking about “assuming“ that you can bring your dog with you. I don’t “assume“ that I can bring my dog with me, ever. All I’m saying is that if you are the kind of person who wouldn’t allow it, then, you’re no fun. We have deliberately structured our lives and lifestyle so that dogs, kids, whatever are always welcome. We are welcoming, embracing people. That’s how we roll.

So you think that someone needs to tolerate someone else’s dog in their home to be “fun”? What an odd definition of fun. I also think that it’s odd when people must bring their dog to have “fun”. It just seems weirdly co dependent on an animal. But to each their own I suppose.

For their spouse's sibling? Yes. You put up with stuff for family.

Doormat detected. Well, YOU put up with it, others may choose otherwise.

Nah, I suspect PP is the domineering self centered one in the family who expects others to be doormats for her dogs and other issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a small pool house why does it have a bed in it set up for guests??
What are your allergy symptoms and do allergy meds help? Do you sleep in the pool house?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! It does not matter. She does not want dogs at the house OR at the pool. Back off.

People with dogs are really crazy in this country.

We all put up with annoying stuff for family. My brother's son refuses to put on clothes at our house, and sits on everything buck naked. We encourage him to cover himself - esp when other people are there! - and he refuses, and my brother doesn't care. His kids embed food in every surface of the house, they touch everything, they move everything, they make a huge mess, they stick their snotty hands into every food container they find, they make a huge amount of noise, I'm always having to look out for things they are about to break - and you know what? You deal with it because it's family and you want to see them and make them feel welcome more than you want to maintain your usual sense of order.

No, most people would not put up with that type of behavior from their nieces and nephews. And decent, civilized people wouldn't let their kids act like that at someone else's house. You don't "encourage" a kid to put on his clothes-you tell him to do it, and he does it, or else there are consequences. What's wrong with your family?

We have 12 cousins in our family, and they see each other quite often. All the kids keep their clothes on. My sister-in-law sometimes brings her dog over, but since she's a sensible adult, she asks ahead of time if she can bring him (most times she can, because the kids love him and he loves the kids, and he's well-behaved).

When did people lose their minds about dogs? Growing up, no one brought their dogs over to other peoples' houses.

[Anonymous]

They ask. You say, "no."

If they don't ask but do anyway, you make sure to tell them, "no dogs" when you invite them the next time. If they ignore, they don't get more invitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They ask. You say, "no."

If they don't ask but do anyway, you make sure to tell them, "no dogs" when you invite them the next time. If they ignore, they don't get more invitations.

OP should be proactive about it and tell them upfront that the dog can't come. Don't be passive-aggressive about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a small pool house why does it have a bed in it set up for guests??
What are your allergy symptoms and do allergy meds help? Do you sleep in the pool house?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! It does not matter. She does not want dogs at the house OR at the pool. Back off.

People with dogs are really crazy in this country.

We all put up with annoying stuff for family. My brother's son refuses to put on clothes at our house, and sits on everything buck naked. We encourage him to cover himself - esp when other people are there! - and he refuses, and my brother doesn't care. His kids embed food in every surface of the house, they touch everything, they move everything, they make a huge mess, they stick their snotty hands into every food container they find, they make a huge amount of noise, I'm always having to look out for things they are about to break - and you know what? You deal with it because it's family and you want to see them and make them feel welcome more than you want to maintain your usual sense of order.

I really need to know how old the naked kid is and if he's actually literally "buck naked" in your house. I can't make it make sense at any age since a small child would just be forcibly dressed and an older child wouldn't refuse to put on clothes. WTF is going on here?

[Anonymous]

No is a complete sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say nothing. Your husband tells them no.

This. Tell your husband to relay the information because it is his family.

Also, this thread comes up multiple times every year. As always, many dog lovers will tell you that it's not ok for someone to insist their dog stay at your house. It's just not. I have no idea why this is so hard for people when these threads always turn out almost unanimously in favor of no dogs. (I haven't read a single reply of this thread because I doubt it's any more interesting that any of these other threads, so it's possible I'm wrong).