Do I discourage and save her embarrassment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a lot of projecting OP.

My son also tried out for MS basketball team and had zero chance. He didn't make it. Oh well. Reality check and on to the next. Your daughter can handle this. You sound like the one who can't handle it, which I empathize with completely but recognize the difference. No you don't discourage her.

I have had to remind myself of this, especially as someone who hated sports and even PE was stressful. Actual sporty kids are much more aware and accepting of different levels of talent. It’s interesting to see. They know who’s amazing, who’s good but not great. They don’t tease kids who just play for fun.

Also, IME, sports have gotten much more competitive, so there are many more kids who don’t make teams. It’s not like in my day where it really was humiliating to get cut because they only cut 3 people. For son’s Bball team, 80 kids tried out for 11 spots. At that point, not making it means nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her a few private sessions with a coach ahead of tryouts. Have her practice to get a feel for whether she wants to do it. Be proud you raised someone that doesn’t give up before they even try. Let her do her best and see what happens.

If she doesn’t make it, figure out what she found attractive about the sport and see if there are other ways to fill the same desire.

OP, my kid was not coordinated when he was younger. He tried a couple of sports and didn’t do well. He decided he wanted to try out for travel basketball, and we got him with a trainer. Literally after the first session he looked 100% more like a basketball player. He kept at it for a year and made a travel team, and he kept improving. He ended up being a standout high school player.

A trainer who works with kids and knows how to teach can really do wonders.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me happy that my kid is in a "bad" public.
Pretty much everyone makes the team in most sports. Varsity soccer and basketball are competitive but everyone can join the JV.
The only requirement for this years swim team was that they could swim a length of the pool at the beginning of the season.
The teams aren't great but the kids get to experience the social side of being in high school sports.

[Anonymous]

I would let her try out, but manage her expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would rather raise a girl who is confident enough to try things than one who squanders her life, trying nothing, for fear of potential embarrassment.

+ 1. I tried out for cheerleading because it seemed cool, but then I saw all the other kids who looked like they'd been doing gymnastics since birth. I could do a bad cartwheel. I still had fun at the tryouts and made new friends.

[Anonymous]

You let her try out-- last year my DS tried out for the HS swim team. He was on an elementary school swim team and hadn't been in a pool for four years. I was surprised (and worried)- he's awkward, not popular and I thought it would be a disaster. Lo and behold, the swim team didn't have enough swimmers- they took him, and darned if he didn't get up every morning at 5AM for practice and go to every meet even thought he was the slowest on the team. He brought home straight As but that swim team made me so much more proud- he's doing it again next year.

[Anonymous]

Many of the clubs have learn to play clinics in the summer. If you post your location we can help you find some.

My daughter will attend one of the large competitive high schools and might not make the team, even as an experienced player. There are so many other options out there for kids to keep playing besides school. It’s wonderful your daughter wants to try a new sport. Encourage this!

[Anonymous]

Do not say anything! My mom constantly discouraged me. It’s a terrible thing to do. You should prepare to help her cope/recover from rejection.

[Anonymous]

OP, not sure if you're still reading this after 6 pages, but I would let her try out. For a few reasons.

1. You never know. Our small, private HS had so many girls try out one year that they added a freshman team. No one knew ahead of time that they were going to do that.

2. I totally understand wanting to save her the embarrassment, but as some wise PPs wrote, while it's painful at the time (for both of you!), it is a good learning experience. It really is better to learn how to deal with disappointment at this age, and keep on keeping on, than to sail through to college/young adulthood and experience it for the first time.

If she doesn't make the team, please consider a rec volleyball team for her to have fun, learn skills, and maybe try out again next year if she wants.

Best wishes to you and DD!

[Anonymous]

DEFINITELY let her try out. My mom constantly told me I wasn’t good enough for things as a way of saving my feelings, and that’s a different kind of hurt. Believe in her, against all odds.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I missed it quickly scrolling through the posts, but is OP’s daughter tall? Being tall makes up for some amount of lack of talent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me happy that my kid is in a "bad" public.
Pretty much everyone makes the team in most sports. Varsity soccer and basketball are competitive but everyone can join the JV.
The only requirement for this years swim team was that they could swim a length of the pool at the beginning of the season.
The teams aren't great but the kids get to experience the social side of being in high school sports.

Same here. Although some of our teams are pretty decent! My daughter never played field hockey till 9th. Made the varsity team since not enough girls for 2 teams. She practiced hard and was a starter this year and did fantastic. She wouldn’t have had this opportunity at other schools.

[Anonymous]

I was the kid who never tried it because I was afraid of being embarrassed. I think my parents tried to shield me like you want to do "those other girls have been playing a long time, I dont want you to be disappointed if you don't make it". They were just trying to prepare me, but i took it as "you don't know how to play - don't bother trying out." So I never played sports. I always say in the sideline. I always felt left out. I'm still afraid to do something if there's a chance I might fail.

Let her get used to failing. Let her get used to trying. Her whole life there will be jobs, dates, opportunities ...and if she's afraid to try she'll never succeed. Be proud of her confidence and drive!

[Anonymous]

Let her try out but make sure to sign up for a few summer clinics.

[Anonymous]

OP - report back on what happened