What happened to average kids? Where are they?

[Anonymous]

It's definitely the area. FCPS teaches on the assumption that every kid has an outside tutor. That was the whole vibe. I remember my kids being shamed for asking questions in class in regard to new concepts that were being taught. Hasn't your tutor touched on this yet? Go ask them. Um, I don't have a tutor. It was very skewed thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?

I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.

It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.

This person is signaling 2nd gen Indians

Indians are obsessed with the rat race from a very early age though

Yeah, all those travel teams for 6yos dominated by Indians

No. The formula is piano, tennis, dance, straight As, math club, repeat.

Formula never pans out though

[Anonymous]

I've been thinking about this lately as it concerns my kids. One of them seems to be very bright and above average but it having some behavior issues. I wonder if it is I push him too much to try himself at different things. In the last couple of days I'm starting to question my actions. I get reminded of a realization I had a decade or so ago about my siblings and I. One of my siblings used to be into dancing every since she was in school and despite a degree in economics, she is now doing, yes, dancing. She has her own kids' studio, she loves it, and she is wildly popular with kids and their parents. My other sibling used to do something that kind of entertained us--she would find a bookshelf/cabinetry corner and set it up with mini furniture and mini dolls, like really miniature ones. Lo and behold, she is a successful interior designer now, despite her degree in economics

With myself, I am more conflicted. I was also bright and good at ...studying...and so what? I am smart, have a humanities phd, but don't have a job because I prefer to stay with little kids for now. Maybe soon I'll get into the workforce. But my family's examples somehow have long shocked me into a realization that kids' abilities and passions can be visible very early on, and perhaps they should be nurtured indeed, so that kids get to enjoy childhood and young adulthood, instead of trying to do everything at once and getting stressed because of it. Perhaps one or max two talents should be priority for all kids. And I can definitely already see in my kids what they are good at, passionate about. It kind of already helped me feel less stressed about how they will be doing in school. I'm not going to expect excellence in every subject.

[Anonymous]

Here in Lake Woebegone, all the children are above average.

[Anonymous]

A FCPS math teacher (not a teacher at our school) told us quietly that the top math kids all are being tutored, either at home by a STEM parent, or at AoPS, Kumon, Mathnasium, or RSM. We were very grateful she told us. She also said that math textbooks were replaced by less effective electronic materials, and encouraged us to at least buy appropriate math workbooks or download math worksheets for our DC to practice with at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A FCPS math teacher (not a teacher at our school) told us quietly that the top math kids all are being tutored, either at home by a STEM parent, or at AoPS, Kumon, Mathnasium, or RSM. We were very grateful she told us. She also said that math textbooks were replaced by less effective electronic materials, and encouraged us to at least buy appropriate math workbooks or download math worksheets for our DC to practice with at home.

I don’t know the others, but I would not consider AOPS as tutoring. It is more extension work. When I think of tutoring it is learning the material before it is officially taught in school so the kid looks super smart for picking it up so “quickly”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An athletic kid at 10 can start a new sport and do well. This is especially true of girls, sports where there aren't huge numbers of competitors, sports where raw athletic ability outweighs technical skill (e.g. soccer and basketball), and sports where people usually start later, anyway (e.g. wrestling).

Johnny Weir got a package of group skating lessons at 10 and won the US men's figure skating title three times.

Mason Cox, a pro Australian Rules Football player from the USA, was only a couple of months from hearing the sport existed before scoring his first goal in his first game, in front of ten thousand+ fans.

The thing that most people don't want to hear is that genetics trump hard work and dedication 9 times out of 10 in sports. A kid can constantly train and be dedicated from the earliest age possible and a naturally athletic kids who is bigger, stronger, and faster and pick up a sport and take the dedicated kid's roster spot without much effort. Around middle and especially in high school you see a lot of this.

This is so true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An athletic kid at 10 can start a new sport and do well. This is especially true of girls, sports where there aren't huge numbers of competitors, sports where raw athletic ability outweighs technical skill (e.g. soccer and basketball), and sports where people usually start later, anyway (e.g. wrestling).

Johnny Weir got a package of group skating lessons at 10 and won the US men's figure skating title three times.

Mason Cox, a pro Australian Rules Football player from the USA, was only a couple of months from hearing the sport existed before scoring his first goal in his first game, in front of ten thousand+ fans.

The thing that most people don't want to hear is that genetics trump hard work and dedication 9 times out of 10 in sports. A kid can constantly train and be dedicated from the earliest age possible and a naturally athletic kids who is bigger, stronger, and faster and pick up a sport and take the dedicated kid's roster spot without much effort. Around middle and especially in high school you see a lot of this.

This is so true.

I agree this is likely but I l think for kids like mine, with diagnosed motor delays, that sports as extracurriculars with no pressure will open her life up and let her see she can play for pleasure and health. I hope. Mine is very young and small for her grade and can’t conceptualize yet that she is not likely to be the best and she is not a natural athlete. But most are not. There are pleasures and things you can learn apart from being “the best,” right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A FCPS math teacher (not a teacher at our school) told us quietly that the top math kids all are being tutored, either at home by a STEM parent, or at AoPS, Kumon, Mathnasium, or RSM. We were very grateful she told us. She also said that math textbooks were replaced by less effective electronic materials, and encouraged us to at least buy appropriate math workbooks or download math worksheets for our DC to practice with at home.

I don’t know the others, but I would not consider AOPS as tutoring. It is more extension work. When I think of tutoring it is learning the material before it is officially taught in school so the kid looks super smart for picking it up so “quickly”

I agree. AOPS math is not tutoring. It is just more in depth and challenging work. It’s for kids like our DS where math is way too easy. It is definitely not the program for kids who are struggling in math or kids who need tutoring.

If the schools could provide appropriate rigor, depth, and challenge for these kids, they would not need AOPS.

[Anonymous]

I just want to say that I hate travel soccer. Why is this basically THE sport around here that everyone focuses on? 90% kids who play will not go on to play for college and even less professionally, including my own. Why is it the bar for excellence? Op, the thing is, it’s ok if your kid is just average as long as they are enjoying the journey. Yes, they can still enjoy the journey (being part of a team, learning resilience from failure, getting exercise) even if they aren’t amazing. When I was a kid I learned so much from being on a team and truly enjoyed being part of something bigger. It didn’t get me into college, but skills I learned on the court help me on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

True. But natural talent isn’t enough. You need the ambition and drive to go with it. My mother grew up in rural Canada. Not many opportunities for organized sports. Her doctor said if she was born at a later date she could have been an incredible athlete based on her genetics. We are more athletic and artistic as a family and less academic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An athletic kid at 10 can start a new sport and do well. This is especially true of girls, sports where there aren't huge numbers of competitors, sports where raw athletic ability outweighs technical skill (e.g. soccer and basketball), and sports where people usually start later, anyway (e.g. wrestling).

Johnny Weir got a package of group skating lessons at 10 and won the US men's figure skating title three times.

Mason Cox, a pro Australian Rules Football player from the USA, was only a couple of months from hearing the sport existed before scoring his first goal in his first game, in front of ten thousand+ fans.

The thing that most people don't want to hear is that genetics trump hard work and dedication 9 times out of 10 in sports. A kid can constantly train and be dedicated from the earliest age possible and a naturally athletic kids who is bigger, stronger, and faster and pick up a sport and take the dedicated kid's roster spot without much effort. Around middle and especially in high school you see a lot of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that I hate travel soccer. Why is this basically THE sport around here that everyone focuses on? 90% kids who play will not go on to play for college and even less professionally, including my own. Why is it the bar for excellence? Op, the thing is, it’s ok if your kid is just average as long as they are enjoying the journey. Yes, they can still enjoy the journey (being part of a team, learning resilience from failure, getting exercise) even if they aren’t amazing. When I was a kid I learned so much from being on a team and truly enjoyed being part of something bigger. It didn’t get me into college, but skills I learned on the court help me on a daily basis.

OP here- I agree. However, the kids who aren’t that great at the sport do not get the ball passed to them. They are like running around the whole time hoping someone might think them the ball. What does that do to a kids self esteem? This is rec and pick up soccer and basketball.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of average and below average kids, you just don’t see them in your social circles.
My kid is below average, but I don’t advertise that. They’re one of the weakest players on their rec team, but the other parents assume they’re excelling academically just like their kids. I just nod along when the other parents talk about advanced classes and future colleges and careers.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids ages 13, 11, and 8. I can count on one hand the number of TRUE outlier kids I’ve seen with them all. The rest are all some range of average

I think the important thing is that the kids find their niche / group and something they’re interested in. For example, my oldest has been swimming and playing baseball and I think those teams are hard to make in HS. I first encouraged him to stay in band - though he declined. I said fine - but you still need to do some extra curricular. Right now he’s on stage crew for theater for the first time (8th grade) and I did tell him yesterday if he’s interested in sports in HS that XC / track and field is no cut or he might be interested in crew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that I hate travel soccer. Why is this basically THE sport around here that everyone focuses on? 90% kids who play will not go on to play for college and even less professionally, including my own. Why is it the bar for excellence? Op, the thing is, it’s ok if your kid is just average as long as they are enjoying the journey. Yes, they can still enjoy the journey (being part of a team, learning resilience from failure, getting exercise) even if they aren’t amazing. When I was a kid I learned so much from being on a team and truly enjoyed being part of something bigger. It didn’t get me into college, but skills I learned on the court help me on a daily basis.

OP here- I agree. However, the kids who aren’t that great at the sport do not get the ball passed to them. They are like running around the whole time hoping someone might think them the ball. What does that do to a kids self esteem? This is rec and pick up soccer and basketball.

I was one of those kids who was not good at “ball” sports, but I loved swim team and tennis.