Why are old people so scared of assisted living facilities?

[Anonymous]

I visit my 90 y.o. mother every 2 months in her Florida A.L. community. I sleep over for 2 to 4 nights when visiting so I fully experience the community. No drugging ever, lots to do, they have nice social events, happy hours, etc, a nice swimming pool, will take her out for errands and regular groups have a driver to take them out for lunch or dinner at the local restaurants. The people that work there are super nice and my mother is very happy living there. I know many residents now and they all enjoy living there. My mother much prefers this community living than living alone (and has no desire to live with me or my siblings). No negatives other than it is expensive...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I visit my 90 y.o. mother every 2 months in her Florida A.L. community. I sleep over for 2 to 4 nights when visiting so I fully experience the community. No drugging ever, lots to do, they have nice social events, happy hours, etc, a nice swimming pool, will take her out for errands and regular groups have a driver to take them out for lunch or dinner at the local restaurants. The people that work there are super nice and my mother is very happy living there. I know many residents now and they all enjoy living there. My mother much prefers this community living than living alone (and has no desire to live with me or my siblings). No negatives other than it is expensive...

This is great, but it sounds like your mom is in independent living. I don't think someone who needs assisted living would be swimming or going to happy hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I visit my 90 y.o. mother every 2 months in her Florida A.L. community. I sleep over for 2 to 4 nights when visiting so I fully experience the community. No drugging ever, lots to do, they have nice social events, happy hours, etc, a nice swimming pool, will take her out for errands and regular groups have a driver to take them out for lunch or dinner at the local restaurants. The people that work there are super nice and my mother is very happy living there. I know many residents now and they all enjoy living there. My mother much prefers this community living than living alone (and has no desire to live with me or my siblings). No negatives other than it is expensive...

This is great, but it sounds like your mom is in independent living. I don't think someone who needs assisted living would be swimming or going to happy hours.

My mom’s AL place has happy hour. They are allowed alcohol, they socialize, they take trips to the petting zoo and places other than the store. It isn’t like it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Follow-up to an earlier question about how to find an adult family home:

I searched for "senior care advisory service" or something like that on Yelp and Google and interviewed several. They are reimbursed by the home you ultimately choose. I'm not crazy about the compensation model, but the person I ended up with found a fantastic place for my mother so I am grateful to her.

TY for responding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow-up to an earlier question about how to find an adult family home:

I searched for "senior care advisory service" or something like that on Yelp and Google and interviewed several. They are reimbursed by the home you ultimately choose. I'm not crazy about the compensation model, but the person I ended up with found a fantastic place for my mother so I am grateful to her.

TY for responding.

I see them when I look at a seniorly or yelp. They are usually homes in the neighborhood. I have my mom in a place like that but there are 28 people in residence. It's basically a giant home with separate rooms with bathrooms. Not fancy but the staff treats the residents well and they get great home cooked meals. And they are non-profit. I think that makes a big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm scared of them because I used to work in one.

Guess what? Home care has even less oversight and a revolving door of staff. Plus, the really bad ones steal and sue for a 'slip & fall' - ask me how I know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I visit my 90 y.o. mother every 2 months in her Florida A.L. community. I sleep over for 2 to 4 nights when visiting so I fully experience the community. No drugging ever, lots to do, they have nice social events, happy hours, etc, a nice swimming pool, will take her out for errands and regular groups have a driver to take them out for lunch or dinner at the local restaurants. The people that work there are super nice and my mother is very happy living there. I know many residents now and they all enjoy living there. My mother much prefers this community living than living alone (and has no desire to live with me or my siblings). No negatives other than it is expensive...

This is great, but it sounds like your mom is in independent living. I don't think someone who needs assisted living would be swimming or going to happy hours.

My mom’s AL place has happy hour. They are allowed alcohol, they socialize, they take trips to the petting zoo and places other than the store. It isn’t like it used to be.

This post, in a single word, answers OP’s question. “Allowed.” Grown adults typically are understandable resistant to third parties telling them what’s “allowed” in their own living quarters or more generally in what constitutes their “home.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow-up to an earlier question about how to find an adult family home:

I searched for "senior care advisory service" or something like that on Yelp and Google and interviewed several. They are reimbursed by the home you ultimately choose. I'm not crazy about the compensation model, but the person I ended up with found a fantastic place for my mother so I am grateful to her.

TY for responding.

I see them when I look at a seniorly or yelp. They are usually homes in the neighborhood. I have my mom in a place like that but there are 28 people in residence. It's basically a giant home with separate rooms with bathrooms. Not fancy but the staff treats the residents well and they get great home cooked meals. And they are non-profit. I think that makes a big difference.

agree on nonprofit. an uncle was in a for profit and his wife was later in non-profit SNF. Liked the individual staff where my uncle was, but profit, not people, was clearly driving the place. very different where my aunt was - would over hear the staff talk about how much better it was to at their current place as the for-profits run out of supplies, then tell the staff to "deal." they said it was so stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they know once you put them in there you’ll never come get them out. Would you want to live in a hospital in your dying days, kids coming to visit once a week if you’re lucky. Never knowing which staff are good or bad, having absolutely zero control over a life you once had complete control over?

I’d find her a more suitable arrangement.

That's not what assisted living is. you're confusing it with a nursing home. Assisted living is independent living with asisstance--assistance if you pull the cord and need help in the shower, assistance with meal prep (they have a dining room), assistance with appointment transportation, assistance with laundry that sort of thing. My mom's place has a kitchenette with a fridge and microwave and cabinets for dishes and food and stuff. No cooktop though. My mom was in an independent living place and kept falling. I toured AL places and she didn't want to go. She continued to keep falling and my brother finally said you're going to die on the floor because you keep falling. One of these days you'll fall when I'm at work for 12 hours and no one will be around to get you off the floor. It's time. She agreed to take a tour of the place I liked best. I think for her it was the cost. She wanted to leave us some money, but we all said not to worry about that. At the end of the tour, I said ultimately it's your choice--you can die on the floor of your independent living place because no one was around to get you up and they don't check on anyone, or you can come here where there are people who will check in on your periodically. You choose. She chose to move.

[Anonymous]

And what if they really should not be living alone and need assistance? My mother has been suffering through this situation with my uncle, her brother-in-law. He cannot live alone anymore. He has been very sick, multiple surgeries for various things. The family dynamic is complicated as my uncle is/was an alcoholic. My younger cousin is highly dysfunctional, no help at all. My older cousin is more responsible, but lives in another state. He really needs help, but doesn't want to spend the money. Doesn't want someone in the house, bc a visiting nurse told him that people in your home steal. What's the recourse? My mother helps out, but is not his wife and wants to enjoy her retirement. His wife, my mother's sister, is deceased. If it were up to me, we'd find him a place and put him in there, either close to my mom or older cousin. The situation is absurd. Oh, and sometimes he just faints...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they know once you put them in there you’ll never come get them out. Would you want to live in a hospital in your dying days, kids coming to visit once a week if you’re lucky. Never knowing which staff are good or bad, having absolutely zero control over a life you once had complete control over?

I’d find her a more suitable arrangement.

Assisted living is not a nursing home and it is not a "hospital".

Not sure about the "visit" comment but going to assisted living doesn't make people visit less.

You just don’t get it. Poor thing….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assisted Living facilities are terrible. They are wildly expensive, understaffed, and depressing. Most are operated as for-profit entities by private equity companies. They are in my mind a last resort option. I have personally seen this with both my parents at two different facilities. You are much better off staying at home with help for as long as possible. Keep in mind, before I had personal experience with them, I was actively encouraging my parents to move to them.

We found AL far superior to aging in place. You are ripe for abuse if at all challenging and alone with a caregiver. AL was like night and day once MIL adjusted. Much happier. Better meals. More companionship. lots of activities.

None of the options are great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t understand how hard and scary it is to make a move like that, particularly for someone with anxiety, then I would say the problem is more that you lack empathy.

True! It is kind of like prison for some people OP. No one wants to give up their freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a real question

I hope not.

[Anonymous]

The lack of compassion from some of you is unbelievable.