Raising an only child with no first cousins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to prioritize finding friends who are like family. Vacation with them, have holidays with them, etc.

Agree with this. I had this growing up and it was amazing (I am an only child and had a lot of cousins but halfway across the world).

DH and I are onlies, so no first cousins for my kids (though we have 2). It makes me sad when I compare to some of my friends and cousins. So it's fine to feel as you do, OP. Would your own cousins be interested in more of a relationship, especially if any of them have kids? We cousins are in touch and have met up with all the kids - it's wonderful though not frequent enough (scattered across the country + other countries). We also keep in touch virtually quite a bit. It helps me feel less isolated in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to prioritize finding friends who are like family. Vacation with them, have holidays with them, etc.

+1. We have an only child with cousins and do this. It is crucial for a kid without cousins. I’d also suggest for the future that you need to put yourselves way out there offering to host play dates, carpool, etc.

Same boat (only child and no cousins). We encourage a few deeper friendships and a lot of playdates. So far, so good.

I sympathize though because finding these unicorn families is HARD!! You have to find a family with a mom you love, dad your husband is cool with, kids your kids like, and also with no family in the area who they do that stuff with. Ideally you should share political / religious opinions.
It took me six years of hunting to find ours.

Agree it's hard. I'm a PP and I think it's easier for immigrant families - they are more likely to be in the same boat and looking for this type of community.

PS mine didn't really care if we kids loved being together, lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child with no first cousins, and I don’t understand what the problem is! I have plenty of friends, family, and fulfilled life.

I am too and I do see what the problem is. And mainly because I married into a large family and my spouse grew up with siblings and cousins and I see now what spouse got that I did not have. Ten years ago I would have said the same thing, that it's no issue, but this is one of those things where you don't miss what you never had/you don't understand until you see what your children don't have. Now that I have children of my own, I'm very glad that I opted to have two of them and that my children have close-in-age cousins, as well as close-in-age second cousins (my spouse's cousins' kids).

I agree with the PP who said to prioritize "framily." My best friend's kids don't have cousins, so I'm trying to be intentional about developing the relationship between our kids so they get a cousin-like experience.

[Anonymous]

If it bother's your kid, they may marry into a big family one day.

[Anonymous]

My best friend was the only child of an only child father and a mother who only had a much, much younger half-sister who was born a year or two before friend's mother moved out.

Both of my friend's paternal grandparents died before he was born, as did his maternal grandfather... his maternal grandmother died when he was maybe 7 or 8. The half-aunt, who was so much younger than friend's mom, had a daughter who was much older than my friend... so, after the age of 8, his extended family consisted of a half-aunt he rarely saw, and a cousin who was 12 years his senior, and who he admired but had no particular relationship with.

I'd say he was closer with his mother's first husband, who had an amicable divorce with her, than any blood relatives.

It was all fine. He's fine. If anything he was spoiled rotten, because holidays were all about him and amusing him. No hours long drives to Aunt Flo's house where everyone makes a big deal over some distant cousin's new baby. He and his parents travelled alot, didn't have to waste time and money going where grandparents wanted.

I'm kinda jealous.