Raising an only child with no first cousins
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Anonymous
I sympathize though because finding these unicorn families is HARD!! You have to find a family with a mom you love, dad your husband is cool with, kids your kids like, and also with no family in the area who they do that stuff with. Ideally you should share political / religious opinions. It took me six years of hunting to find ours. |
Anonymous
+1 OP here yes, appreciate hearing this as well |
Anonymous
| My child’s first cousin is wretched and just plain mean because she says it’s “funny.” We don’t hang out anymore and doesn’t miss her at all. If she wasn’t related they would never have been friends and being related doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship to have. |
Anonymous
| Each of my kids( in college and early 20s) has a friend who's an only without first cousins. They seem pretty happy and we've enjoyed getting to know their families over the years, including grandparents -- especially because my parents and in-laws died when our kids were young. Because our extended family are not local, we've celebrated many holidays with these family friends and have appreciated their invitations to do so. My only cautionary advice would be to use some restraint in the "you're just like family -- your kids are like cousins" language, which can feel a bit demanding, depending on the tone or context. Though that hasn't been my response, other parents have expressed that to me. |
Anonymous
| I am an adult only child with no first cousins, and I am dealing with aging parents and aunts and uncles with no help. I am everyone's medical proxy. It is incredibly stressful. My spouse has a big family and is a big support to me, but it feels very lonely overall. They are all in different places and refuse to move to where I am located. It's a big strain on my job, my family, and my bank account. I hate it. |
Anonymous
Well sadly only 1 aunt is still alive, so not too much of a burden for me. |
Anonymous
| I am an only child. My parents both had siblings but they did not speak. I can count on one hand the amount of times I saw my cousins growing up. And like PP, I have a great life. Yes, I am worried about my parents' health as they age and am dealing with those issues alone (with the support of my husband). But having a sibling does not necessarily mitigate that; my dad dealt with all of my grandmother's health issues himself even though he had a sibling. My mom dealt with a lot of my grandfather's health issues and then after he died was blamed by non-helpful siblings for "not doing enough." There are pros and cons to siblings and cousins and families, just like everything. It's more about how one frames it. |
Anonymous
| I grew up that way. I was a friendly kid who made friends easily and never felt lonely except when my parents argued. |
Anonymous
| All the kids I grew up with who had no siblings (and some had no cousins as well) were bright, well adjusted and well loved. They didn’t seem unhappy to me. You can fantasize, but you can’t miss something you never had. I think people feel it more when they’re adults and simultaneously caring for elderly parents and their own child/children, and they look around and see others in the same situation who have siblings to share the burden of elder care. |
Anonymous
| I an an only with one first cousin in another country and we met once. My parent made friends with people they liked, i made friends with kids i liked. Sometimes their friends had fun kids for me to play with and sometimes my friends' parents were cool. I never felt lonely and was and am close with my parents. We did fun stuff and not too kid centric. I am close with several of my parents friends even now as well. |
Anonymous
My brother lives in LA and I live in DC, so my child sees his cousins once a year. We still have plenty of pictures of family gatherings with all the kids, and my kids Facetime their cousins weekly. I think you are making drama where there doesn't need to be any. |
Anonymous
| I'm an only who has loads of cousins but for various reasons I was never close to them. Don't really see what the big deal is but I've never been a "family is just by blood" type person and neither has DH even though he has a large amd close extended family |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you are tye type who shouldn't be on social media. |
Anonymous
| You can’t miss what you don’t know. Your child will be fine. |
Anonymous
| I have a distant cousin who has an only child and no first cousins. He seems lonely but so so spoiled. |