Raising an only child with no first cousins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t miss what you don’t know. Your child will be fine.

I was going to say something like this. OP, I am not in same situation, but I often find myself mourning aspects of my childhood that are different for my children. I think it’s natural but not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I an an only with one first cousin in another country and we met once. My parent made friends with people they liked, i made friends with kids i liked. Sometimes their friends had fun kids for me to play with and sometimes my friends' parents were cool. I never felt lonely and was and am close with my parents. We did fun stuff and not too kid centric. I am close with several of my parents friends even now as well.

That is so nice to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child with no first cousins, and I don’t understand what the problem is! I have plenty of friends, family, and fulfilled life.

The problem is when you have to give care to your parents, aunts, and uncles. Unless you don't care about them enough to ensure they are well taken care of when they are fragile. Even if they prepare for this they need an able bodied sound minded person to check up on them.

Well sadly only 1 aunt is still alive, so not too much of a burden for me.

Like others have said, just because you have a sibling there are no guarantees that they will help dealing with aging parents, aunts etc. Similarly, no guarantees the siblings/cousins will get along. Would recommend working on a good friend network!!

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have dozens of cousins and we are rarely in touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:?? If you have lots of cousins, then your kid can met up with their kids??

+1. You sound ridiculous, OP. Or are you saying that no cousins on either side have kids?

Wow, why so rude?

My cousins are dispersed internationally so we won't be seeing them very often. The main cousin that my husband is closer to (but not especially close) lives across the county, the others he is not very close with (and also do not live nearby).

When I see pictures of other people's family gatherings with lots of kids, it makes me sad my child can't have that. Sorry if my feelings seem "ridiculous" to you.

I would suggest focusing on what you have and what you can control rather than what you don't have. It's easy to look at other people and feel envious, but comparison is the thief of joy. Be content with your life.

Your child may not have some things that other kids do. And other kids may not have some of the things that your kid has. That's just how life is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious if anyone wants to share their experiences raising an only child with no cousins. Our 4 yo is an only and the only grandchild on both sides. Lately I've been feeling sad and guilty that our DC will never have what both DH and I had growing up (our parents have multiple siblings and we had lots of cousins). It feels like a lonely life for her. Having another child is not in the cards for us.

OP, it depends on the family. I grew up literally with my cousins - we literally went to school together, spent half school days each week together, spent summers in their pools, and our families liked each other and were close. Our parents talked almost every day. On DH's side, some of his cousins are 20 years older, grew up across the country, and they have next to nothing in common, if anything. They have maybe seen each other twice in their lives. Not everyone is close to their cousins, and you don't miss what you never had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious if anyone wants to share their experiences raising an only child with no cousins. Our 4 yo is an only and the only grandchild on both sides. Lately I've been feeling sad and guilty that our DC will never have what both DH and I had growing up (our parents have multiple siblings and we had lots of cousins). It feels like a lonely life for her. Having another child is not in the cards for us.

If you don't have another child the next generation won't have any cousins either.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child with TONS of cousins. After childhood though, the cousins all went their own ways. They mostly stick to their nuclear families. When my grandparents died when I was 30ish, I basically stopped seeing cousins all together since I don't have a reason to travel to their city anymore.

Long story short, you can't count on cousins to be there after childhood really.

[Anonymous]

With no family and only 1 kid, I'd focus on the spectacular things you CAN do. As an only child we spent Christmas at resorts where they went all out. We didn't have to drag ourselves from family to family for Christmas celebrations like my kids do. Our holidays were a lot more joyous because we could do whatever we wanted and my mom controlled it all.

Also, as a kid we traveled overseas very extensively. Something that I really can't do easily with my 3 kids. One kid is much more manageable, plus way cheaper to travel with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious if anyone wants to share their experiences raising an only child with no cousins. Our 4 yo is an only and the only grandchild on both sides. Lately I've been feeling sad and guilty that our DC will never have what both DH and I had growing up (our parents have multiple siblings and we had lots of cousins). It feels like a lonely life for her. Having another child is not in the cards for us.

If you don't have another child the next generation won't have any cousins either.

And if I did have another child (not that I can) will that mean my child will have cousins? My experience says not necessarily. It's becoming more and more common for people not to have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to prioritize finding friends who are like family. Vacation with them, have holidays with them, etc.

This.

[Anonymous]

I have a number of first cousins but most of them live abroad and I barely know them. The ones that are in the US are way younger than me and I'm not sure we will have any kind of deeper relationship. I played with one of them when I was a kid a few times a year but our age difference was huge. My DH is also not close to any of his cousins.

Don't stress about it. Our lives are fine.

[Anonymous]

Same boat here, sort of (several first cousins but they are not local). We are close with other families with similar aged kids, and I think daycare helped replicate some of the sibling experience. I am confident my kid will turn out fine. She has a naturally extroverted personality.

The costs of having another kid (both financial and otherwise) would far far outweigh the benefits. Happy mom, happy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With no family and only 1 kid, I'd focus on the spectacular things you CAN do. As an only child we spent Christmas at resorts where they went all out. We didn't have to drag ourselves from family to family for Christmas celebrations like my kids do. Our holidays were a lot more joyous because we could do whatever we wanted and my mom controlled it all.

Also, as a kid we traveled overseas very extensively. Something that I really can't do easily with my 3 kids. One kid is much more manageable, plus way cheaper to travel with.

+100. I am a frequent traveler, travel is a huge part of my life and I can't fathom doing it as easily with 2 or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to prioritize finding friends who are like family. Vacation with them, have holidays with them, etc.

Exactly this. It may take a bit of work, but find other families who are available on holidays or have the bandwidth to take vacations (maybe bc they don't have family, or they don't spend a lot of time with their family). Then make it happen.

Also, just get used to inviting a friend along as your child gets older. At first you'll think it's more work, but it's really not because your kid is entertained by their friend. It also helps your own child learn how to accommodate another person's ideas and feelings into something like a vacation. I'd think this would work best for age 7 and up.

Invite and invite and invite friends over. You can create the community you want.