Raising an only child with no first cousins
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Anonymous
That's not a good reason to have another child. My mom has one friend where neither of kid 2 kids have decided to have children. Yes that means no grandchildren. So it's really good she didn't have that 2nd one just to get more grandkids huh? |
Anonymous
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I do have a sibling , but no first cousins. It was pretty great — we got all the attention, there was no competition, and family gatherings were very calm. We were also able to travel quite a bit with grandparents, which probably wouldn’t have been feasible if there were more kids in the mix.
The only not great memory I have is that most of the kids in the neighborhood would have cousins over a couple times a year and weren’t allowed to play with them when the cousins were in town. I remember some mild jealousy when that would happen. |
Anonymous
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Tthere's nothing you can do about procuring cousins for your kid. There's no guarantee cousins will be close growing up anyway. I'm an older mom with an only child, one and done. My only brother lives on the West Coast but his kids are high school aged while mine is a toddler. They're cousins, and see each other once a year but aren't growing up together by any means.
If what you want is for your kid to have friends their age to build a lifelong bond with, you have to focus your attention on helping them build community with other people. Close friends like family, school community, religious community if so inclined, etc. |
Anonymous
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I’m an only child with no cousins. It’s hard now that my parents are older and the few Aunts/Uncles I have passed away or are in ill health. But I realize a sibling wouldn’t be a guarantee of family since some people are estranged.
I have 4 kids of my own though. DH knew from the get go I really wanted a big family. If you can’t have more kids don’t stress out too much. Just make sure you allow friends over a lot. My parents used to let me bring a friend on vacations, which was really cool. |
Anonymous
| We have an only who only has much older cousins. We have befriended other families with 1-2 kids so he has chosen cousins. he calls their parents aunt and uncle. I grew up with a ton of cousins who all lived far away. He's in a better situation, I think. |
Anonymous
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I have an only with no cousins. But I myself have close relationships with all my cousins. Many now have kids. We have been developing nice relationships with them as well as local families with onlies.
But agree with most pps here that this is NOT something your should be losing sleep over especially since you cannot control it!!(others having kids) . |
Anonymous
| I have an older brother (5 years older than me) and we have no cousins. I have a lot of friends that I consider "family" that I grew up with. We went to their house for Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. |
Anonymous
I have to say this …. Please don’t spend one second of your precious life worrying about this !! I wish someone would have told me this when I was pregnant with our one and only. I will say this also watch what you wish for ! I was so worried that my daughter would have no cousins and my only sister has mental issues where she would not allow her daughters see her husband very nice sister kids or my daughter ( she was afraid her two daughters would bond with cousin’s over one another and the did not get along at allllllll the two of them. Flash forward my sister called out of the blue that one of her daughter’s (16) wanted money and phone calls for her birthday so I was sooo happy wow a prayer answered !!! I can finally love and see my nieces and spoil them and my daughter who was then 9 would have cousins. Ugh. Not judging but then my daughter wanted to act like them look like them this got my daughter bullied in school ! Thank god it didn’t last long ! Then my one niece pushed my daughter and said she was jealous that my daughter got the loving mom and she got the mean mom then my crazy sister said I just use you so I have my kids go to your house because you spoil them (she would drop them off no money for a week I never cared I loved them … my daughter is now 15 loving kind helpful has empathy for others and she no longer talks to them they were not nice to her at all and she was young and wanted love and kindness like she gave….. one now lives with another woman and doesn’t talk to my brother in law because he doesn’t agree with her lifestyle the other one is identical to my sister cold and rude and a taker  and my elderly mom moved close to us and I take care of her 100 percent and they have not seen her one time !!!!! My daughter has nice friends and me and my husband and her grandmom and love ! She does well in school etc so I say this enjoy what you have, don’t try to design everything that you think willl be great for your kid, sometimes rejection is gods protection … I wanted nothing but a loving family big family dinners where I could share and love but not everything works out the way we plan …. Pray and leave things in Gods hands …
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Anonymous
That can work in the short term, but rarely lasts IME. |
Anonymous
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I saw had several cousins as a kid. I saw some regularly, some almost never. My the time we were teens we saw each other rarely, partly due to busy schedules and interests, partly due to various divorces that had taken place. Now as an adult, I don’t talk to any cousins. No hard feelings or purposeful estrangement, but we are all living different lives in different places with nothing in common.
I wouldn’t worry about this at all OP. Just be good parents and create fun experiences and memories with your child. You and spouse are the most important pieces in their lives |
Anonymous
I thought the same until I married my husband, and saw how he is with his first cousins and siblings. And now I see my own children with their first cousins and also second cousins that they are very close to and I realize I had no idea what I was missing. It is not the same as just having close friends. Its really special. |
Anonymous
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I’m in the same situation and have worried about my only child. We do try to cultivate relationships with the same neighbor kids. I know friendships even and flow and the kids are only 5-8 years old so we will see.
I think nothing really replaces family bonds, but it is what it is. I’m not planning to have more kids and DH and I don’t have relatives who will move near us, go back in time by 5 years, and have kids. |
Anonymous
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I keep up with my best friends from high school and college much more than my first cousins.
I would encourage friendships with other kids who are only children or have significantly older siblings who aren't around much. My best friend is an only and we are more like sisters or cousins. |
Anonymous
| I think having cousins is a great thing, especially during holidays and other family gatherings, but I'm sure kids without them have their own fun and memories with relatives. I'd say, hippefully they can make friends with other kids through family friends let's sat, that are like cousins/siblings. Cousins and family friends can be great, kids/teens can make some wonderful bonds with them. But, don't stress kids can be ok without them too. |
Anonymous
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Didn't read all through.
I am an only child with no first cousins. Mother was only child. Father had siblings with no kids. I never thought it was a problem. You don't "miss siblings" if you never had any. Going to friends' houses I was glad to get home after a sleepover. One thjng...hard to sleep on a sleepover with other people in room. Went to college that has some single dorm rooms and on housing questionnaire was adamant DO NOT WANT ROOMMATE. |