Raising an only child with no first cousins

[Anonymous]

Curious if anyone wants to share their experiences raising an only child with no cousins. Our 4 yo is an only and the only grandchild on both sides. Lately I've been feeling sad and guilty that our DC will never have what both DH and I had growing up (our parents have multiple siblings and we had lots of cousins). It feels like a lonely life for her. Having another child is not in the cards for us.

[Anonymous]

You have to prioritize finding friends who are like family. Vacation with them, have holidays with them, etc.

[Anonymous]

We have that too. Only grandchild on both sides, no chance that will change.

Agree that you have to make your own family, but I’ve been having a lot of sadness over it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to prioritize finding friends who are like family. Vacation with them, have holidays with them, etc.

+1. We have an only child with cousins and do this. It is crucial for a kid without cousins. I’d also suggest for the future that you need to put yourselves way out there offering to host play dates, carpool, etc.

[Anonymous]

If a religious community is an option for you, that’s a great way to build a community. There are options for every range of belief/non-belief— if you are agnostic or spiritual-but-not-religious you could look into the UU. For atheists there is the Washington Ethical Society.

[Anonymous]

My kid has cousins she barely knows. It doesn’t bother me at all. Your child will make their own life as they grow up.

[Anonymous]

Nothing to be sad about! My kids have first cousins that live less than 20 min away. They see eachother maybe every few months for holiday or birthday. My sibling and I are close in that we text almost every day but we are both busy. Their cousins are also “very rich kids” and I predict jealousy in the tween/teen years so that’s fine they aren’t very close. Problem solved lol. But neighborhood friends are their besties and they spend almost every afternoon together.

[Anonymous]

We have this but we have a couple of second cousins that are same-aged as my kid and see them several times a year so it's like having cousins. There's a few more second-cousins on both sides that will be in similar phases as my DC when he's an adult (a 5 year age difference is huge at 5 but when you're 32 with a 1 year old, you might relate well to a 40 year old or a 25 year old with a small kid).

We are all kind of introverts (well, except me) so we really don't enjoy vacationing with other families or huge family gatherings. We are close with neighbors and all have our own friends and activities. In fact, when we go to big family gatherings we all realize that is not our jam - smaller is better for each of us.

I'm an only with an only and I had zero cousins anywhere close to my age (all were 10+ older or 10+ younger). I am happy, was happy, and don't think there's any reason to be doom and gloom about it. All families look different and there is no reason you need your gatherings to look like you're on a tv sitcom.

[Anonymous]

I am an only child with no first cousins, and I don’t understand what the problem is! I have plenty of friends, family, and fulfilled life.

[Anonymous]

?? If you have lots of cousins, then your kid can met up with their kids??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:?? If you have lots of cousins, then your kid can met up with their kids??

+1. You sound ridiculous, OP. Or are you saying that no cousins on either side have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:?? If you have lots of cousins, then your kid can met up with their kids??

+1. You sound ridiculous, OP. Or are you saying that no cousins on either side have kids?

Wow, why so rude?

My cousins are dispersed internationally so we won't be seeing them very often. The main cousin that my husband is closer to (but not especially close) lives across the county, the others he is not very close with (and also do not live nearby).

When I see pictures of other people's family gatherings with lots of kids, it makes me sad my child can't have that. Sorry if my feelings seem "ridiculous" to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to prioritize finding friends who are like family. Vacation with them, have holidays with them, etc.

+1. We have an only child with cousins and do this. It is crucial for a kid without cousins. I’d also suggest for the future that you need to put yourselves way out there offering to host play dates, carpool, etc.

Same boat (only child and no cousins). We encourage a few deeper friendships and a lot of playdates. So far, so good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child with no first cousins, and I don’t understand what the problem is! I have plenty of friends, family, and fulfilled life.

The problem is when you have to give care to your parents, aunts, and uncles. Unless you don't care about them enough to ensure they are well taken care of when they are fragile. Even if they prepare for this they need an able bodied sound minded person to check up on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child with no first cousins, and I don’t understand what the problem is! I have plenty of friends, family, and fulfilled life.

Thank you for sharing that.