Raising an only child with no first cousins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to prioritize finding friends who are like family. Vacation with them, have holidays with them, etc.

That can work in the short term, but rarely lasts IME.

See thats very interesting to me, we did have cousins growing up and it was great! But, we also had family friends with kids around our age since we were little, we essentially grew up together. I think kids if they "grow up together", have a way better chance of these friendship being real and lasting. Maybe not into adulthood, but throughout child for sure.

[Anonymous]

My SIL and I timed our onlies so they would be born within days of each other. We vacation together, and see each other one a week or more. The two boys fight a lot about also live love other a lot. They're 10 now and go to different schools but do summer camp together. We'll keep you updated on how this experiment goes ha ha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read all through.
I am an only child with no first cousins.
Mother was only child. Father had siblings with no kids.

I never thought it was a problem. You don't "miss siblings" if you never had any. Going to friends' houses I was glad to get home after a sleepover.

One thjng...hard to sleep on a sleepover with other people in room. Went to college that has some single dorm rooms and on housing questionnaire was adamant DO NOT WANT ROOMMATE.

The roommate thing I think is true. I am a weird introverted antisocial person but have a sibling and didn’t have a big program sleeping with a roommate in college. A more social person I know is an only and always had trouble living with other people and is single now. Geez this makes me want to make sure I put my only child in sleep away camps and retreats and things to make sure he knows how to share space.

[Anonymous]

^ that is I didn’t have a big problem sleeping with a roommate or sharing a room during college or sharing an apartment in my post college years. I think it was because I had a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious if anyone wants to share their experiences raising an only child with no cousins. Our 4 yo is an only and the only grandchild on both sides. Lately I've been feeling sad and guilty that our DC will never have what both DH and I had growing up (our parents have multiple siblings and we had lots of cousins). It feels like a lonely life for her. Having another child is not in the cards for us.

If you and DH are that close to your cousins, your child already has a built in cousin circle. I had about a dozen cousins but none close to my age so no deep bonds with them.

[Anonymous]

I think people have some good suggestions like traveling with other families or celebrating holidays with friends. I would also look at vacations that have good kid programs like a dude ranch or Tyler's Place. I think sending her to sleepaway camp, especially one that she can go to for many years, is a great way for her to live with others and form long-term bonds.

But I would also just focus on finding ways to make special moments for your small family. Create traditions, spend time together, as your DD gets older consider her input on family vacations. Find ways to celebrate holidays that work well for you guys. Maybe it's traveling to the Caribbean for Thanksgiving or dressing up and doing a fancy Christmas brunch.

She will look back on her childhood filled with memories of quality time spend together rather than sadness on what she missed out.

[Anonymous]

I have an only (he's 19). He has seen his cousins a handful of times (my brother is divorced) so it's pretty much like he doesn't have any. He has plenty of friends that he gets together with as much as he wants. He's never wanted a sibling except for when he asked me for an older brother- lol. It doesn't have to be a lonely life. He sometimes invites friends on vacation with us but most of the time chooses not to.

[Anonymous]

One way to grow up is with siblings and cousins, and another perfectly happy way to grow up is doing fun things with your parents and your friends. I don’t see what’s sad about your child’s upbringing. Just different from yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One way to grow up is with siblings and cousins, and another perfectly happy way to grow up is doing fun things with your parents and your friends. I don’t see what’s sad about your child’s upbringing. Just different from yours.

I didn't take it as their whole upbringing would be sad. Just this aspect that th OP enjoyed that their kids won't. Isn't there anything about your childhood that you loved that your kid might not get?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One way to grow up is with siblings and cousins, and another perfectly happy way to grow up is doing fun things with your parents and your friends. I don’t see what’s sad about your child’s upbringing. Just different from yours.

I didn't take it as their whole upbringing would be sad. Just this aspect that th OP enjoyed that their kids won't. Isn't there anything about your childhood that you loved that your kid might not get?

I have 3 kids but my kids have no cousins. Dh and I are both children of immigrants so in our parents’ native country, we have a huge extended family but not in America. My child’s friend once said that it must be sad for my son to not have cousins. We have many family friends. We are happy.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the whole thread, but be prepared for holidays. Even the closest of family friends may need to visit their own family during that time and it can seem a little quiet.

I threw myself into planning some activities for us to fill that space. It was a little tiring, but it's only until they are teens at which point they make their own plans.

[Anonymous]

Cousins are wonderful, but most people I know do not live local to cousins. For the people that do, it’s truly awesome.

Holidays don’t have to include a ton of kids! Neither do vacations! Special memories can be made without a ton of kids.

Day-to-day life is probably what’s going to have the biggest impact on your child’s life. Encourage good friendships, be willing to drive and host, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cousins are wonderful, but most people I know do not live local to cousins. For the people that do, it’s truly awesome.

Holidays don’t have to include a ton of kids! Neither do vacations! Special memories can be made without a ton of kids.

Day-to-day life is probably what’s going to have the biggest impact on your child’s life. Encourage good friendships, be willing to drive and host, etc.

I see what you're saying and if kids have really fun adult relatives that's great, but these family things are more fun with tons of kids

[Anonymous]

My teen is an only with no cousins of any type. She is super well adjusted. She goes to camp each summer and has tons of friends

[Anonymous]

With more and more people choosing not to have kids, or to only have 1 or 2, I think the idea of huge holiday gatherings with tons of cousins around will be less common. My kids won't have first cousins so holiday gatherings will never be large, but I try to create an active social life for them and find ways to travel with friends, etc. At least they have either. I'm an only and would've much rather had a sibling than cousins (I have a number of cousins, but they are either too far apart in age, or live too far away, for me to have any kind of close relationship with them).