For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

DP but why should she care?! You took what’s hers, in a way.
Fwiw I am a second wife

This no sense...what is hers lol? Stupidest thing I have read.
Men are allowed to have children again after they divorce.

People are allowed to do all sorts of things, but our behavior has consequences for our relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

Did you make an effort?

PP here absolutely did .. better relationship than she had with her dad. Also got along with the first wife until the new babies came and then she became nasty

Troll

Why am I troll? Because it didn't fit your narrative?
From reading her I can now understand why SD is this way. All tou greedy first wives and daughters obsessing over inheritance and resources. Get jobs all of you.

Says the SAHM second wife

I have my own career and have inheritance, college all sorted from MY OWN cash

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it's going to go badly. The kids will be spoiled and entitled. The new wife wants to pretend she didn't marry an old man with baggage, but she did, and she's going to resent the time he spends with his original children and, eventually, his grandchildren. She might not get to have as many of her own kids as she wanted. The older he gets, the more she'll hate what she chose for herself, because she'll have to do most of the parenting as well as deal with his aging, and a long widowhood starts to seem like a real thing. It's not an easy thing for a wife.

This is why second marriages fail. If he repeatedly disappoints his new wife and doesn’t show up for her as a husband and father to their kids together, she’s going to leave in most cases. There won’t be enough good will for her to stick it out as he gets old and sick. That’s human nature.

There's just not enough dad time and energy (and often, money) to go around. He agreed to the new kids so that he could have the new wife, and he genuinely loves them and her and wants them to be happy. But he didn't actually want to start over with parenting. Nor did he want to disappoint his original children by not spending time with them and the grandchildren. He's always going to feel caught in between-- but of course, he did this to himself. Ultimately he will choose new wife because she's his caregiver, and new kids because they are little, and the older kids will drift away. Remarriages with kids can only function if the older set of kids fades out.

Agree. Dad typically has to choose. A new, younger wife isn’t going to stick it out if he’s not fully committed to the family they start together. At some point she’s either going to be happy she married a loving, supportive husband who’s a good provider and father to their children, or she’s going to see she married an old man who’s spread too thin and does nothing for her and the resentment becomes too much and she leaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

Are you mental... do you understand that new kids have just as much right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it's going to go badly. The kids will be spoiled and entitled. The new wife wants to pretend she didn't marry an old man with baggage, but she did, and she's going to resent the time he spends with his original children and, eventually, his grandchildren. She might not get to have as many of her own kids as she wanted. The older he gets, the more she'll hate what she chose for herself, because she'll have to do most of the parenting as well as deal with his aging, and a long widowhood starts to seem like a real thing. It's not an easy thing for a wife.

This is why second marriages fail. If he repeatedly disappoints his new wife and doesn’t show up for her as a husband and father to their kids together, she’s going to leave in most cases. There won’t be enough good will for her to stick it out as he gets old and sick. That’s human nature.

There's just not enough dad time and energy (and often, money) to go around. He agreed to the new kids so that he could have the new wife, and he genuinely loves them and her and wants them to be happy. But he didn't actually want to start over with parenting. Nor did he want to disappoint his original children by not spending time with them and the grandchildren. He's always going to feel caught in between-- but of course, he did this to himself. Ultimately he will choose new wife because she's his caregiver, and new kids because they are little, and the older kids will drift away. Remarriages with kids can only function if the older set of kids fades out.

Agree. Dad typically has to choose. A new, younger wife isn’t going to stick it out if he’s not fully committed to the family they start together. At some point she’s either going to be happy she married a loving, supportive husband who’s a good provider and father to their children, or she’s going to see she married an old man who’s spread too thin and does nothing for her and the resentment becomes too much and she leaves.

Or she stupidly thinks that the ACOD will always be as low-maintenance as they are in college and their 20s. But time passes, life twists and turns, and soon the ACOD have children of their own, health problems, any number of things that a good father would want to help them with. But he, and she, stupidly failed to foresee this, so they can't keep up with it. Even as the new wife complains that the ACOD don't care about her babies, the grandkids won't get as much grandparent time as they would have without her complicating things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

Are you mental... do you understand that new kids have just as much right?

Don’t have new kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feel for your dad bc everyone in preschool will call him poppie. He will feel his age real fast having to go through prek -12 years of assemblies sitting with parents in their early 30s.

But this is what he wanted and chose for himself. I feel bad that he's caught between his new and his old family, but being an old dad is the last thing he deserves pity over. I feel worse for the kids who will go through life having a much older dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it's going to go badly. The kids will be spoiled and entitled. The new wife wants to pretend she didn't marry an old man with baggage, but she did, and she's going to resent the time he spends with his original children and, eventually, his grandchildren. She might not get to have as many of her own kids as she wanted. The older he gets, the more she'll hate what she chose for herself, because she'll have to do most of the parenting as well as deal with his aging, and a long widowhood starts to seem like a real thing. It's not an easy thing for a wife.

This is why second marriages fail. If he repeatedly disappoints his new wife and doesn’t show up for her as a husband and father to their kids together, she’s going to leave in most cases. There won’t be enough good will for her to stick it out as he gets old and sick. That’s human nature.

There's just not enough dad time and energy (and often, money) to go around. He agreed to the new kids so that he could have the new wife, and he genuinely loves them and her and wants them to be happy. But he didn't actually want to start over with parenting. Nor did he want to disappoint his original children by not spending time with them and the grandchildren. He's always going to feel caught in between-- but of course, he did this to himself. Ultimately he will choose new wife because she's his caregiver, and new kids because they are little, and the older kids will drift away. Remarriages with kids can only function if the older set of kids fades out.

Agree. Dad typically has to choose. A new, younger wife isn’t going to stick it out if he’s not fully committed to the family they start together. At some point she’s either going to be happy she married a loving, supportive husband who’s a good provider and father to their children, or she’s going to see she married an old man who’s spread too thin and does nothing for her and the resentment becomes too much and she leaves.

Or she stupidly thinks that the ACOD will always be as low-maintenance as they are in college and their 20s. But time passes, life twists and turns, and soon the ACOD have children of their own, health problems, any number of things that a good father would want to help them with. But he, and she, stupidly failed to foresee this, so they can't keep up with it. Even as the new wife complains that the ACOD don't care about her babies, the grandkids won't get as much grandparent time as they would have without her complicating things.

It really depends on relationships. Often with divorce, the mom keeps the kids away from the Dad. Now it is better and more dads get shared custody. However,r why is it always the expectation Dad financially fund the adult kids? Why can't mom?

If anything it makes it easier to take the grandkids if you also have young kids and your life is still focused on kids.

My parents have never babysat once, ever. It had nothing do do with divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feel for your dad bc everyone in preschool will call him poppie. He will feel his age real fast having to go through prek -12 years of assemblies sitting with parents in their early 30s.

But this is what he wanted and chose for himself. I feel bad that he's caught between his new and his old family, but being an old dad is the last thing he deserves pity over. I feel worse for the kids who will go through life having a much older dad.

My husband had kids very young and older and he's much more involved now as he doesn't have to work 2-3 jobs as his ex refused to work, was able to get his degree after the divorce so he earns more money and has far more patience and life experience. Lots of benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

Are you mental... do you understand that new kids have just as much right?

Don’t have new kids.

And why should we not? When you have them it's ok. Moron

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

Are you mental... do you understand that new kids have just as much right?

Don’t have new kids.

And why should we not? When you have them it's ok. Moron

Because dad already had a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

Are you mental... do you understand that new kids have just as much right?

Don’t have new kids.

And why should we not? When you have them it's ok. Moron

Because dad already had a family.

No he was divorced and wanted more kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

Are you mental... do you understand that new kids have just as much right?

Don’t have new kids.

And why should we not? When you have them it's ok. Moron

Because dad already had a family.

No he was divorced and wanted more kids

Did he want them though? Or did he agree to it so that he could have the new wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

Are you mental... do you understand that new kids have just as much right?

Don’t have new kids.

And why should we not? When you have them it's ok. Moron

Because dad already had a family.

No he was divorced and wanted more kids

Did he want them though? Or did he agree to it so that he could have the new wife?

My DH was the one wanted them. In fact he wants more. He is 46

[Anonymous]

This makes me wonder, is it possible to legally negotiate inheritance for one's kids during the divorce process? Could save them some of this down the road if so.