Is it really racist to wonder what color the baby's skin might be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white women with a POC partner. I never once talked about or even considered what color his skin would be. I knew he'd be somewhere on the spectrum between me and him most likely which is like saying he could be letter E through V of the alphabet.

So then you DID consider it!

As in talk about it as if it were some main feature- nope.

[Anonymous]

I didn't think it was racist. I think Meaghan never considered herself black and was shocked, SHOCKED I SAY

[Anonymous]

that the rest of the world did. So when little Archie came out, I don't think she thought he could be anything but lilly white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white women with a POC partner. I never once talked about or even considered what color his skin would be. I knew he'd be somewhere on the spectrum between me and him most likely which is like saying he could be letter E through V of the alphabet.

So then you DID consider it!

As in talk about it as if it were some main feature- nope.

I will add that me and my partner discussing what features we want our child to have as some sort of game. No I want them to have your eyes I love your warm brown eyes and I want her to have your height, I hate being short is VERY DIFFERENT than other people talking about your child. Other people need to keep their mouths shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not racist to wonder about it, but it IS racist to think that certain shades/features are preferable or better.

Like being proud of your baby's blue eyes?

Yes, exactly that (which is racist and super weird). Wondering about it in terms of curiosity (like I wonder if s/he's going to get mommy's nose! daddy's bone structure!) is fine and normal. But hoping for certain light features is messed up and weird. And I say this as someone who grew up in a biracial family (white with blue eyes, and brown Asian).

I'm Asian and honestly I'm confused by all this stuff. I think if we as a nation really sat down and had a talk about it, we could understand. There are certain things such a having a small cute nose in Asia that are seen as more preferred. I'm really honestly pissed off about the how you look thing right now. We don't choose to be born one way or another. It's just how we are born, why so much focus on something we cannot innately control!! It's maddening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't think it was racist. I think Meaghan never considered herself black and was shocked, SHOCKED I SAY

Of course she saw herself as part black, but she isn't completely black but mixed. I think it's natural for her to see herself as a blend between both and navigate the world in that way. BTW I watched the entire doc and I think she's lovely. She 's just a girl now a woman trying to make her way and raise a beautiful family. I feel like she has a really beautiful heart and can see the world differently because of her mixed identity. I think it's beautiful personally.

[Anonymous]

I’m very fair skinned, freckled and of Irish heritage. DH is olive complexioned with Native American ancestry. We had so many fun conversations while expecting DC - most particularly about what skin color our baby might have. It became a family discussion point and then when she was born, an ongoing debate - which parent does DC most resemble?

We now have 3DC and only our youngest is as almost as fair skinned as I am. We are a rainbow of colors and we are Caucasian. Oldest has has a perpetually sun tanned look with darker hair, middle has auburn hair and pink tone and freckles and youngest has peaches and cream with nearly white blond hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very fair skinned, freckled and of Irish heritage. DH is olive complexioned with Native American ancestry. We had so many fun conversations while expecting DC - most particularly about what skin color our baby might have. It became a family discussion point and then when she was born, an ongoing debate - which parent does DC most resemble?

We now have 3DC and only our youngest is as almost as fair skinned as I am. We are a rainbow of colors and we are Caucasian. Oldest has has a perpetually sun tanned look with darker hair, middle has auburn hair and pink tone and freckles and youngest has peaches and cream with nearly white blond hair.

Okay, so dreamily wondering about skin color and whether your child will have your green eyes and his tan skin is not the same at all as hoping that your child does NOT have Negroid features because their life will be easier, they will fit into Western standards of beauty and you have internalized self-hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose son (Indian) married a woman of Hispanic descent.

At the baby shower, Benjamin Moore paint chips were passed out so folks could guess the baby's skin color. Everyone was happy to welcome the baby, and love him/her whatever complexion.

It seemed pretty harmless at the time, maybe 15 years ago.

That’s crazy AF!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't think it was racist. I think Meaghan never considered herself black and was shocked, SHOCKED I SAY

yeah, that's what I thought as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a Japanese friend who married a blonde curly hair American guy with blue eyes. Beautuful unique children with muted Japanese traits.

Great example. This contribution, in the context of this thread, is racist!

+100 Beautiful muted Japanese traits?? Da fukkkkk? I'm not Japanese but I'm black/white mixed and this kind of sentiment is really offensive. As if Japanese traits are inferior. smh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't think it was racist. I think Meaghan never considered herself black and was shocked, SHOCKED I SAY

Of course she saw herself as part black, but she isn't completely black but mixed. I think it's natural for her to see herself as a blend between both and navigate the world in that way. BTW I watched the entire doc and I think she's lovely. She 's just a girl now a woman trying to make her way and raise a beautiful family. I feel like she has a really beautiful heart and can see the world differently because of her mixed identity. I think it's beautiful personally.

just to add: she has said the royal family is racist. So it is beyond dispute that they are racists, because there’s evidence now to prove what we have all suspected all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose son (Indian) married a woman of Hispanic descent.

At the baby shower, Benjamin Moore paint chips were passed out so folks could guess the baby's skin color. Everyone was happy to welcome the baby, and love him/her whatever complexion.

It seemed pretty harmless at the time, maybe 15 years ago.

That’s crazy AF!

You meant Racist AF!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very fair skinned, freckled and of Irish heritage. DH is olive complexioned with Native American ancestry. We had so many fun conversations while expecting DC - most particularly about what skin color our baby might have. It became a family discussion point and then when she was born, an ongoing debate - which parent does DC most resemble?

We now have 3DC and only our youngest is as almost as fair skinned as I am. We are a rainbow of colors and we are Caucasian. Oldest has has a perpetually sun tanned look with darker hair, middle has auburn hair and pink tone and freckles and youngest has peaches and cream with nearly white blond hair.

Okay, so dreamily wondering about skin color and whether your child will have your green eyes and his tan skin is not the same at all as hoping that your child does NOT have Negroid features because their life will be easier, they will fit into Western standards of beauty and you have internalized self-hate.

+1 I'm a natural curly red head/freckled blue eyed woman who married into a Bolivian family. DH and I never discussed (or cared) what color our kids' skin color would be. My ILs discussed it a lot. They were so proud of being 'Spanish' and white - although my MIL said she was called 'dark' because her siblings had lighter skin. Turns out, their DNA is 75%+ indigenous Andean/ 10% African. They have internalized the racism of their colonizers. Skin color was very important to them because the less they looked like the indigenous people, the more superior they were. They were also surprised that I didn't have any African DNA because they were sure curly hair was an African trait.

Given the racist history of the British royal family, I have no doubt the musings about the baby's skin color was not innocent. At the very least, they should have had some self-awareness to know that's how it would be taken even if that wasn't their intention.

[Anonymous]

You know it was King (at the time Prince) Charles who asked the question about his grandson's "complexion".
In his very awkward and socially inappropriate, narcissistic way.

Sure context matters but honestly I cannot think of a non-offensive way to ask "What's the baby's complexion? How dark is it?" right after birth in a way that isn't offensive.

Just asking the question implies that you care if the baby is dark. In UK culture, (and US culture) when asked by a white person, the expectation would be that lighter skinned was more desirable, and that someone asking this question wasn't asking just out of genuine curiosity.