Striver parents: why do do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP. You’ve never been poor, have you?

Do you think most strivers have been poor?

They know class levels are not fixed in stone.

Everyone's situation is different, but in all likelihood if you come from a well-connected, educated family, then you are going to land on your feet no matter what comes. The people who need to worry about maximizing all of their educational outcomes are those who don't have generational wealth and automatic standing, especially those who are from historically marginalized groups. Your average UMC white male is almost certainly not going to slip into poverty because his parents didn't push him to get into an Ivy. And there are a lot of downsides to the striver mindset as well . . . a focus on meritocracy rather than communitarianism, a sense of superiority and entitlement, an inability to work with people of all backgrounds, etc. Maybe your kid will wind up slightly richer than they would have otherwise, but also less kind and empathetic, and driven by the same anxiety that made you prioritize what you did.

Hahaha, the class climbing strivers can't work with people of all background, but the relaxed country club set can? Let me guess, the help is like a family?

Nailed it! While also looking polished, driving inconspicuous cars, staying slim and doing all the other things this board ascribes to “old money.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you are the parent of a gifted child, you have to make sure that they are getting the education that is a match for their intelligence level. Else, they get bored and disinterested in education. Then school becomes a drag for them and they are very unhappy. This is the main reason people want their kids to get into AAP. They have gifted kids who yearn to learn and want to be with like-ability cohort so the classroom enviornment is fast paced and they can learn from each other.

If you have a child with limited intelligence or limited thirst for knowledge, you can sit back with a can of beer and chillax. Why would you be interested in academic excellence for a child like that?

My AAP accepted child wanted to stay at his base school with his friends. He agreed that attending a program like RSM would work well for meeting his math needs, he loves math and enjoys being challenged in that area. He reads at home, enjoys going to museums, enjoys playing strategic board games at home (problem solving, strategy, thinking ahead, math, all sorts of skills in a fun package), and asks to go to STEM programs. We use those to keep him interested and allow for school to be some place that he enjoys, can be with his friends, and learn at an ok pace in some subjects.

He would be fine in AAP. He is smart and very capable. He can be challenged in many ways and still get something out of school at his base.

You all forget that many of the Gen Ed kids you are poopooing are going to end up in AP and IB classes with your kids and they will do just fine. The only area that AAP kids will end up ahead of their Gen Ed counterparts is in math. And that is not a given because not all the AAP kids end up in Algebra 1 in 7th grade and there are Advanced Math kids in Gen Ed that do end up in Algebra 1 in 7th grade.

I have no clue why the high SES parents are so into AAP because their kids gain no real advantage over the other kids at their schools. I fully understand why AAP is important at Title 1 schools or near Title 1 schools. I would guess that the vast majority of the posters who are agonizing over AAP on this board fall into the High SES crowd who are focused on TJ.

In the long run, AAP really doesn’t mean that much. It is nice and I think it is valuable to have as an option. I don’t think it is worth the level of angst that the parents on this forum attach to it. There are far too many ways to challenge a smart kid that are not even all that hard to do to place the level of emphasis that parents place on AAP.

As a highly educated immigrant, I want to have plenty of options.I want my kids to be at par with the average kids in my home country at the very least so that in future they can remain employed. I took the job of a less qualified American because of my superior education in my home country, and so it is quite possible someone else from another country will take the job of my own child because he is getting substandard K-12 us education. Thus,aap and lots of outside school enrichment.

[Anonymous]

I guess for some its about status or plans for college... but for me, its about getting the best education possible. I'll enrich within reason, but I want my child to be thinking, learning, and challenged during the time he is supposed to.

Playing outside, playing sports, and wasting time on video games are still on the agenda, but for those few hours a day in school, I want it to count.

This is also why I value IB, not because it gives my child an opportunity in college (unforunately, Im in an AP pyramid). I also dont care if it looks bad on an application. I think its the most complete education.

And if at the end of the day, my kids dont even go to college, they will always have this education that I did my best to provide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are almost 6,000 posts on this board. Most are about how to get your kid into AAP, or TJ, the rest are about AoPS tracks and math competitions or the best way to teach your fourth grader algebra. My question is: to what end? Is it about job security? Or do you want your children to found the next FAANG and secure generational wealth? Is it about the cache of having a child in AAP/TJ/HYP? Because everyone else is doing it? Just curious.

With all due respect.. This IS the AAP forum. What else did you expect people to discuss here?

Second question for you.. Do you ask the same question of sports strivers? Little league, Travel teams, Division 1 dreams, etc. where the majority of the kids play a sport one of their parents did when they were younger and spend way more time that the AAP/TJ crowd does, all in the hopes that they get into college through the sports route while pretending they are doing it to develop 'team skills'? Or do you consider that "healthy" and not striving at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you are the parent of a gifted child, you have to make sure that they are getting the education that is a match for their intelligence level. Else, they get bored and disinterested in education. Then school becomes a drag for them and they are very unhappy. This is the main reason people want their kids to get into AAP. They have gifted kids who yearn to learn and want to be with like-ability cohort so the classroom enviornment is fast paced and they can learn from each other.

If you have a child with limited intelligence or limited thirst for knowledge, you can sit back with a can of beer and chillax. Why would you be interested in academic excellence for a child like that?

But is it really? Hiring tutors for each (or even most) subjects does not mean your kid in innately intelligent - it means you have money to spend on tutors.

Show me a kid who gets into (for example) TJ without prep, and I will show you a kid who actually belongs there. But, they are so few and far between, that the admission rules had to change due to desperate rampant cheating. "Look mom, I made it!"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are almost 6,000 posts on this board. Most are about how to get your kid into AAP, or TJ, the rest are about AoPS tracks and math competitions or the best way to teach your fourth grader algebra. My question is: to what end? Is it about job security? Or do you want your children to found the next FAANG and secure generational wealth? Is it about the cache of having a child in AAP/TJ/HYP? Because everyone else is doing it? Just curious.

With all due respect.. This IS the AAP forum. What else did you expect people to discuss here?

Second question for you.. Do you ask the same question of sports strivers? Little league, Travel teams, Division 1 dreams, etc. where the majority of the kids play a sport one of their parents did when they were younger and spend way more time that the AAP/TJ crowd does, all in the hopes that they get into college through the sports route while pretending they are doing it to develop 'team skills'? Or do you consider that "healthy" and not striving at all?

If the talent is hereditary, that is one thing - but using your kid as striver pawn, so they can take care of you in your old age - that is quite another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are almost 6,000 posts on this board. Most are about how to get your kid into AAP, or TJ, the rest are about AoPS tracks and math competitions or the best way to teach your fourth grader algebra. My question is: to what end? Is it about job security? Or do you want your children to found the next FAANG and secure generational wealth? Is it about the cache of having a child in AAP/TJ/HYP? Because everyone else is doing it? Just curious.

So I think a couple of things.

The world sucks. Everyone is trying to take what you have or want. If you are not focused and push you fall behind. All of this is true. People want better for their kids and this is the reality. The better prepared your kids are possibly the better the outcome.

Second, on this board there are a lot of parents who have climbed the mountain and the know it is not fair, honest, nice. They want to pass on what they think will fight this and the above and they have a point of view on how to do that.


None of what parents do is crazy unless the kid can’t do it. You have to know how far to push. But push you must.