Striver parents: why do do it?

[Anonymous]

There are almost 6,000 posts on this board. Most are about how to get your kid into AAP, or TJ, the rest are about AoPS tracks and math competitions or the best way to teach your fourth grader algebra. My question is: to what end? Is it about job security? Or do you want your children to found the next FAANG and secure generational wealth? Is it about the cache of having a child in AAP/TJ/HYP? Because everyone else is doing it? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Most people just blindly compete to gain more resources than the people around them, without thinking about the end goal or why they are doing it.

You are not bound to get many truly introspective comments here. Because the kind of people who obsessively push their kids to be number one in their class are not the kind of people who are thinking about why they are doing it, beyond "job security," and "challenging their kids."

It's the worst of human nature, but it's something we all have to varying degrees.

[Anonymous]

AAP is a better education with less distraction. RSM, etc are so that my kid can keep up in AAP, to be frank. They need tutoring/enrichment because the classes move fast and the math is really hard.

[Anonymous]

I frequent this board but don't consider myself a striver. My kid is naturally gifted and has earned everything on their own up to this point. We've never done tutoring or special enrichment classes beyond clubs offered at school. He has sailed through AAP and took the TJ exam yesterday with no formal prep. He loves school and being academically challenged so I'm just keeping up with the paces he's setting, no more, no less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people just blindly compete to gain more resources than the people around them, without thinking about the end goal or why they are doing it.

You are not bound to get many truly introspective comments here. Because the kind of people who obsessively push their kids to be number one in their class are not the kind of people who are thinking about why they are doing it, beyond "job security," and "challenging their kids."

It's the worst of human nature, but it's something we all have to varying degrees.

People also don't consider the consequences. There are so many anxious, stressed-out kids who turn to chemicals whose parents won't address their mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

DS was in-pool without prep and I doubt he has any interest in TJ. We choose to keep him at the base because his friends are there and he wanted to stay there.

DS is at RSM because we saw the level of math being taught in 3rd grade and were appalled. We ask DS at the end of the summer if he wants to do another year of RSM and he says yes. He asks to be in the RSM competition program. He asks to do the various competitions that are available to him. He also plays a rec sport and does Scouts.

Maybe you should stop worrying about him and parent your own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people just blindly compete to gain more resources than the people around them, without thinking about the end goal or why they are doing it.

You are not bound to get many truly introspective comments here. Because the kind of people who obsessively push their kids to be number one in their class are not the kind of people who are thinking about why they are doing it, beyond "job security," and "challenging their kids."

It's the worst of human nature, but it's something we all have to varying degrees.

This. Hoarding resources is a survival instinct. Most people don't stop to consider the end game when everyone else is trying to secure spots at these schools. They just act to soothe their own anxiety about not giving their children enough of an edge.

[Anonymous]

To me, just to get my children educated. My insecurity is from this generation not getting what we received in our home country, not becoming useful individuals in the society, and my new home country going downward by anti-intellectualism and politics.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think a lot of us were raised this way ourselves and so we just adopted this lifestyle without really considering it very much. I was the kind of striver who ended up with a job that felt prestigious in my thirties and forties and having grown up lower middle class I enjoyed the bit of respect that job bought me as an adult. I do remember when my kids were a little talking to the other parents, and it was all about who was going to go to which kind of tutoring and I remember saying how none of this was fun and being surprised because I guess I thought having children was going to be fun, at some point, I was able to step away a little bit and get some perspective, realizing for example, that I really hate soccer and I didn’t want to spend most of the rest of my children’s church childhood I at a soccer field. My kids are grown now, and I really wish that I had had the guts to make a much bigger break up with his driver lifestyle and that I had done so earlier. However, economic insecurity is a big part of the striver lifestyle. It’s not that everybody wants their kid to make $1 million by founding. The next great start up as much as it is the fact that it would be very easy to fall out of the middle class at this point and it wouldn’t take too many mistakes to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think a lot of us were raised this way ourselves and so we just adopted this lifestyle without really considering it very much. I was the kind of striver who ended up with a job that felt prestigious in my thirties and forties and having grown up lower middle class I enjoyed the bit of respect that job bought me as an adult. I do remember when my kids were a little talking to the other parents, and it was all about who was going to go to which kind of tutoring and I remember saying how none of this was fun and being surprised because I guess I thought having children was going to be fun, at some point, I was able to step away a little bit and get some perspective, realizing for example, that I really hate soccer and I didn’t want to spend most of the rest of my children’s church childhood I at a soccer field. My kids are grown now, and I really wish that I had had the guts to make a much bigger break up with his driver lifestyle and that I had done so earlier. However, economic insecurity is a big part of the striver lifestyle. It’s not that everybody wants their kid to make $1 million by founding. The next great start up as much as it is the fact that it would be very easy to fall out of the middle class at this point and it wouldn’t take too many mistakes to do so.

This is the nail on the head. "I was gifted, ergo my children are too. If they're not, I'm responsible for them regressing towards the mean."

[Anonymous]

I got my kids into AAP because the general education classes are the equivalent of a daycare center, except in rare instances usually due to an amazing teacher. The behavior in the general classes is not great. The class moves slower just because of the constant need to redirect kids that are there only to socialize. You should substitute at an elementary school and then maybe you'd understand. There is no way I would send my kids to FCPS if they were in a general class. It's daycare. Sadly, there are kids in general classes being held back because their parents don't want to push anything and get a WISC and appeal the AAP decision. It's a shame FCPS doesn't open AAP to highly motivated students that can perform at that level. I'm talking about the kids rated as 3s.

The kids that turn to chemicals are usually the kids whose parents don't push them to develop their intellect or hobbies. They have tons of time on their hands and don't develop the self-esteem that comes from hard work and accomplishment. Also, the kids they hang out with are going to be the ones that don't have anything going on either. These are the kids vaping and/or smoking marijuana in the bathroom at school.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't raised this way but fell into the system through academic achievement and a competitive nature. I guess I then married up.

When I started working at a top organization, there was only one other work mate who wasn't the child of a doctor or an academic - everyone else I guess had some guidance and smoothed path to get where they were.

Once I learned the game, it was hard not to pass this knowledge on to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I frequent this board but don't consider myself a striver. My kid is naturally gifted and has earned everything on their own up to this point. We've never done tutoring or special enrichment classes beyond clubs offered at school. He has sailed through AAP and took the TJ exam yesterday with no formal prep. He loves school and being academically challenged so I'm just keeping up with the paces he's setting, no more, no less.

Early days. Wait until college apps.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. You’ve never been poor, have you?

[Anonymous]

Non accelerated school is a mess now post-pandemic. So many kids who have issues in the middle school. Unless I want to go private, accelerated vlass are the only chance my kids will have to get a decent education.