Striver parents: why do do it?

[Anonymous]

*classes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP. You’ve never been poor, have you?

Do you think most strivers have been poor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP. You’ve never been poor, have you?

Do you think most strivers have been poor?

They know class levels are not fixed in stone.

[Anonymous]

I don't push my kids to be the best in the class, but they need to do the best that they can. I was a good student but no one "pushed" me. While I have a decent career, I could have done so much better if someone had really been making me do my best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP. You’ve never been poor, have you?

Do you think most strivers have been poor?

They know class levels are not fixed in stone.

Everyone's situation is different, but in all likelihood if you come from a well-connected, educated family, then you are going to land on your feet no matter what comes. The people who need to worry about maximizing all of their educational outcomes are those who don't have generational wealth and automatic standing, especially those who are from historically marginalized groups. Your average UMC white male is almost certainly not going to slip into poverty because his parents didn't push him to get into an Ivy. And there are a lot of downsides to the striver mindset as well . . . a focus on meritocracy rather than communitarianism, a sense of superiority and entitlement, an inability to work with people of all backgrounds, etc. Maybe your kid will wind up slightly richer than they would have otherwise, but also less kind and empathetic, and driven by the same anxiety that made you prioritize what you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP. You’ve never been poor, have you?

Do you think most strivers have been poor?

They know class levels are not fixed in stone.

Everyone's situation is different, but in all likelihood if you come from a well-connected, educated family, then you are going to land on your feet no matter what comes. The people who need to worry about maximizing all of their educational outcomes are those who don't have generational wealth and automatic standing, especially those who are from historically marginalized groups. Your average UMC white male is almost certainly not going to slip into poverty because his parents didn't push him to get into an Ivy. And there are a lot of downsides to the striver mindset as well . . . a focus on meritocracy rather than communitarianism, a sense of superiority and entitlement, an inability to work with people of all backgrounds, etc. Maybe your kid will wind up slightly richer than they would have otherwise, but also less kind and empathetic, and driven by the same anxiety that made you prioritize what you did.

We are not. I'm not upset that other people are, but the reality is that we aren't. And Ivy? Have you read the College forum lately? All this is do my kid can be prepared to go to our local college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP. You’ve never been poor, have you?

Do you think most strivers have been poor?

The fact is neither OP nor any PP considered that some people working hard to get the best for their kids aren’t doing it to keep up with the Jones or get into HYPSTXYZ college. They are doing it because they know education cannot be taken from you and if you have it, you stand a better chance of not being truly poor. Because those parents have been poor. That’s why my parents did it. Striver? Damn right they were strivers!

[Anonymous]

The irony is that parents who aren't afraid to keep their kids in districts like DCPS have a better chance of their kids getting into top schools/programs because they're big fish in a small sea instead of vice versa. But because of the nature of enrolling your child in a struggling urban district, you're probably already not a striver.

[Anonymous]

I’m a striver in every way. I grew up in a low class caste in our immigrant community and yearned for more for myself. I worked hard and continue to obsess over my career and am using everything I learned to parent my child.

[Anonymous]

In my parents' case the striver mentality came from two places... one was a genuine fear that I would end up working at a 7-11 or a call center, and the other was the fear of being perceived as lesser parents within our community.

[Anonymous]

I want my kids to have a good work ethic. General Ed was not challenging enough that they would need to work toward anything. As long as they need to try to do well, I’m happy with that. We don’t push TJ or out of school classes, but they do need to work to do well. That’s it for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that parents who aren't afraid to keep their kids in districts like DCPS have a better chance of their kids getting into top schools/programs because they're big fish in a small sea instead of vice versa. But because of the nature of enrolling your child in a struggling urban district, you're probably already not a striver.

.

Then they will confront the TJ types and the kids who have been doing higher level work for years and might struggle if they weren't challenged in high school.

[Anonymous]

I prefer my kids spend their day with kids (and associated parents) who have a similar desire and capability to learn while at school. I dont really care about TJ or UVA. I just want my kids to maximize their educational opportunities and avoid kids and parents who have other priorities.

I dont have a problem with my children going to community college to figure it out and/or transfer, striving for Stanford, or exploring vocational options.

But education, one way or the other is a key factor in determining professional success, so I will always emphasize excellence there.

[Anonymous]

I do it because my parents did it for me and it is what I know. I feel like part of being a good parent is helping my kids achieve their potential but without putting too much pressure on them. I want to help them find to have a solid peer group of like-minded strivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people just blindly compete to gain more resources than the people around them, without thinking about the end goal or why they are doing it.

You are not bound to get many truly introspective comments here. Because the kind of people who obsessively push their kids to be number one in their class are not the kind of people who are thinking about why they are doing it, beyond "job security," and "challenging their kids."

It's the worst of human nature, but it's something we all have to varying degrees.

It doesn't need to be more introspective than "job security." I want my kids to be able to put food on the table and afford to have kids of their own, by hook or by crook if necessary. I had enough canned soup for dinner as a child of poverty to know how precarious it all is. Get as much as you can because you never know how much you might need.