No grandchildren

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

OP wrote in another post that she's 56 and lives in the midwest. She started the child bearing at age 21 and was done by age 25 after having 4 kids. Now all are in their thirties. If they went on the same timeframe as OP then OP would be a great grandparent - 21 OP births+25 OP adult DC gives birth +25 OP GC gives birth=age 71 OP has a great grand child.

Stuff happens like pregnancy whether married or not and sometimes when you did not expect it. OP kids have simply not followed her life cycle.

OP here - um yeah. they haven't. that's not really the point. I did not expect them to. I mean, I hoped they did not have 4 kids by the age of 25. IT was very very difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have four grown kids. Two don’t have kids and likely never will (one by choice, the other who was always on the fence but has had the decision made for her because of fertility issues). The other two have kids.

Ironically, the two without kids work with children in public school settings and love their jobs. They’re also wonderful aunts and (one the surface at least) are not jealous of their sisters with kids. They’re good with their decision.

We love being grandparents. They bring us so much joy. We are so lucky.

OP here - you are lucky. I would like that joy and am grieving that I likely won't get it.

[Anonymous]

My mom is in her 70s and she has several friends who have no grandchildren or only one or two. My mom feels lucky to have 6 from her 3 kids. There was a time when she wasn't sure she would have any. As much as she laments other aspects of how her life has turned out she is grateful for this. My kids drive me crazy but they better give me grandchildren someday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate this thread. I am not sure what will happen with my three children. One is gay and doesn’t want kids, second doesn’t want children or marriage, jury is out on the third. I go to an old lady water aerobics class and as I have gotten to know the ladies I am realizing that bragging about your grandchild is the old lady equivalent of “My Marvin is so gifted. Reading three grade levels ahead and the other day the teacher said. . “ It’s completely tone deaf, is just a way of bragging about yourself, it’s a weird flex etc. There are many
Other lovely women with a variety of family situation but they don’t continually broadcast it, just like people didn’t broadcast about their child’s dyslexia etc.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. My parents pretty much only talk about their grandchildren, but it's not to brag/flex. It's mostly that they don't have anything else exciting going on to talk about (the weather? their illnesses?). They're retired so they just centered their lives around grandkids. think most elderly people are like that and can't talk about other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

I am in the same boat but with two children. I am close to my sister’s children so I think I will concentrate on being a great great-Aunt. My children are both young (mid 20’s), but they do not even date. They were already late bloomers and Covid has stunted them further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate this thread. I am not sure what will happen with my three children. One is gay and doesn’t want kids, second doesn’t want children or marriage, jury is out on the third. I go to an old lady water aerobics class and as I have gotten to know the ladies I am realizing that bragging about your grandchild is the old lady equivalent of “My Marvin is so gifted. Reading three grade levels ahead and the other day the teacher said. . “ It’s completely tone deaf, is just a way of bragging about yourself, it’s a weird flex etc. There are many
Other lovely women with a variety of family situation but they don’t continually broadcast it, just like people didn’t broadcast about their child’s dyslexia etc.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. My parents pretty much only talk about their grandchildren, but it's not to brag/flex. It's mostly that they don't have anything else exciting going on to talk about (the weather? their illnesses?). They're retired so they just centered their lives around grandkids. think most elderly people are like that and can't talk about other things.

It seems odd to have no other interests. They don’t read, cook, garden, go to a bible study, travel, go to the movies, make art or take photos or redecorate their home, go to the gym, have pets? Literally it’s all either illnesses or grandchildren? That seems pretty severe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate this thread. I am not sure what will happen with my three children. One is gay and doesn’t want kids, second doesn’t want children or marriage, jury is out on the third. I go to an old lady water aerobics class and as I have gotten to know the ladies I am realizing that bragging about your grandchild is the old lady equivalent of “My Marvin is so gifted. Reading three grade levels ahead and the other day the teacher said. . “ It’s completely tone deaf, is just a way of bragging about yourself, it’s a weird flex etc. There are many
Other lovely women with a variety of family situation but they don’t continually broadcast it, just like people didn’t broadcast about their child’s dyslexia etc.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. My parents pretty much only talk about their grandchildren, but it's not to brag/flex. It's mostly that they don't have anything else exciting going on to talk about (the weather? their illnesses?). They're retired so they just centered their lives around grandkids. think most elderly people are like that and can't talk about other things.

This is hilariously insulting. Old people only have weather, their illnesses, and grandkids to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate this thread. I am not sure what will happen with my three children. One is gay and doesn’t want kids, second doesn’t want children or marriage, jury is out on the third. I go to an old lady water aerobics class and as I have gotten to know the ladies I am realizing that bragging about your grandchild is the old lady equivalent of “My Marvin is so gifted. Reading three grade levels ahead and the other day the teacher said. . “ It’s completely tone deaf, is just a way of bragging about yourself, it’s a weird flex etc. There are many
Other lovely women with a variety of family situation but they don’t continually broadcast it, just like people didn’t broadcast about their child’s dyslexia etc.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. My parents pretty much only talk about their grandchildren, but it's not to brag/flex. It's mostly that they don't have anything else exciting going on to talk about (the weather? their illnesses?). They're retired so they just centered their lives around grandkids. think most elderly people are like that and can't talk about other things.

Still reflects poor social skills, especially when someone else may not have grandchildren and is pining to do so.

[Anonymous]

I hope one of my kids accidentally gets pregnant so I can become a grandparent soon. There I said it. Flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 62, daughter is 41 and son is soon to be 37. Neither has children and neither are interested in having children. My daughter is in a long term relationship, no sign of a partner for my son. I come from a family of 7, lots of nieces and nephews with kids but they all live far away. I never bug my children about it, it's totally their choice but it does make me sad. I had my daughter when I was 20 and always thought I would be a young grandma. I get wistful when I hear my siblings talk about their grandchildren but still love hearing about it. What surprised me is watching shows like Finding your Roots, I get sad that my family tree is ending. But what's much worse is not having any children in my life, I haven't held a baby in ages.

If you really are 62, then congratulations for still being able to type so fluently and maintain your sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope one of my kids accidentally gets pregnant so I can become a grandparent soon. There I said it. Flame away.

So you're okay with the possibility of outliving your grandchild opening up? Isn't it bad enough to have to worry about outliving one of your own children? Why create more worry than necessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 62, daughter is 41 and son is soon to be 37. Neither has children and neither are interested in having children. My daughter is in a long term relationship, no sign of a partner for my son. I come from a family of 7, lots of nieces and nephews with kids but they all live far away. I never bug my children about it, it's totally their choice but it does make me sad. I had my daughter when I was 20 and always thought I would be a young grandma. I get wistful when I hear my siblings talk about their grandchildren but still love hearing about it. What surprised me is watching shows like Finding your Roots, I get sad that my family tree is ending. But what's much worse is not having any children in my life, I haven't held a baby in ages.

If you really are 62, then congratulations for still being able to type so fluently and maintain your sanity.

Huh? She’s 62, not 82. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate this thread. I am not sure what will happen with my three children. One is gay and doesn’t want kids, second doesn’t want children or marriage, jury is out on the third. I go to an old lady water aerobics class and as I have gotten to know the ladies I am realizing that bragging about your grandchild is the old lady equivalent of “My Marvin is so gifted. Reading three grade levels ahead and the other day the teacher said. . “ It’s completely tone deaf, is just a way of bragging about yourself, it’s a weird flex etc. There are many
Other lovely women with a variety of family situation but they don’t continually broadcast it, just like people didn’t broadcast about their child’s dyslexia etc.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. My parents pretty much only talk about their grandchildren, but it's not to brag/flex. It's mostly that they don't have anything else exciting going on to talk about (the weather? their illnesses?). They're retired so they just centered their lives around grandkids. think most elderly people are like that and can't talk about other things.

This is hilariously insulting. Old people only have weather, their illnesses, and grandkids to talk about.

I’m a 61 year old grandparents, and it’s how I think and I’m not insulted about it. Once you reach a certain age you realize what’s most important.

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar boat but still hopeful as mine are a little younger. BUT, I was an older parent and what I worry about is that by the time my children get around to having their children I will be too old to travel as much, play as much, be as involved and active as I am now (in my late 60s).

[Anonymous]

I'm where you are, OP, and I deeply empathize. I have four adult kids ranging in age from 25 to 35, and no grandkids. DH and I are sad about it, and my mom is 85 with no great-grands even though she has a total of 9 grandchildren.

DD 35 - won't be having kids; single for the time being and also uninterested in having children, though she loves spending time with her friends' kids

DS 31 - doesn't date, asexual, won't be having kids

DD 30 - recently married - my only hope but unlikely for a while if ever

DD 25 - doesn't date, single, says she'll have kids one day but has social anxiety and might not date for a long long time

My sister has four adult kids as well, and they're all married. The reasons for not having kids range from disinterest to health reasons (cancer). Then my son has an adult kid, and he's unmarried and not interested in kids.

I have childfree friends and have always supported the idea that you don't need to follow a script & do the whole marriage-house-kids thing. But at the same time, I never imagined none of my kids would have children!

DH and I are retiring this year and will take the time to travel & spend time with our aging parents for now. Hopefully at least one grandchild will come our way within the decade.