No grandchildren

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

OTOH, the young adults now are completely self-absorbed and extremely immature.

That is why they are not having children.

Not quite. Women have way more opportunities nowadays, and a lot of people simply aren’t cut out to be good parents (mine sure weren’t).

I’m glad that fewer people are having children and that being childfree is becoming more acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP, or other grandchildrenless people, if you are still around checking your post:

What are your plans regarding your choices, living arrangements, lifestyle now knowing you won't have grandchildren? I am thinking a lot about this now. There will be no grandchildren.
Note to others: advice such as grandparent other people's kids or volunteer work not what I'm talking about. I'm asking about the entire family "gestalt" regarding life going forward. Thanks.

OP here - we just bought a home in Florida to snow bird to. They can visit all they want or not at all.

regarding the self absorption comment - that is true for my daughter who is married. She likes her own comfortable life - sleeping until noon on the weekend, etc. She knows that about herself and doesn't want to give it up.

Eh, I wouldn't be so harsh on a daughter who likes to sleep in late and enjoys creature comfort. That's normal.

This kind of judgment will only alienate your children.

[Anonymous]

I am a 42 years old single male and I see my mom and dad every other day but lately my mother has been quite aggressive about me getting married because she would like to have grandkids.  To make matters worse, I am an only child.  I am in good health, have a very good job, and have about 30M in assets.  I've been thinking about having a couple of children of my own but I still want to be single because that's the life I choose.  I am going to have someone to surrogate the babies for me.  That way, it is a win-win for both me and my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP, or other grandchildrenless people, if you are still around checking your post:

What are your plans regarding your choices, living arrangements, lifestyle now knowing you won't have grandchildren? I am thinking a lot about this now. There will be no grandchildren.
Note to others: advice such as grandparent other people's kids or volunteer work not what I'm talking about. I'm asking about the entire family "gestalt" regarding life going forward. Thanks.

OP here - we just bought a home in Florida to snow bird to. They can visit all they want or not at all.

regarding the self absorption comment - that is true for my daughter who is married. She likes her own comfortable life - sleeping until noon on the weekend, etc. She knows that about herself and doesn't want to give it up.

Eh, I wouldn't be so harsh on a daughter who likes to sleep in late and enjoys creature comfort. That's normal.

This kind of judgment will only alienate your children.

I’m not being harsh. I’m glad she knows who she is and what she wants. I applaud her for knowing this about herself. There’s nothing wrong with being self absorbed.,

[Anonymous]

My dh and I were unable to have kids (we tried) but weren't upfront about this with my parents because they could be incredibly judgemental and bossy. Not everyone now can afford to have IVF or hire a surrogate or even adopt at this point. It all costs $$$$ now. My parents were the type to boss us around but not give us money for treatment.

I have accepted that it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42 years old single male and I see my mom and dad every other day but lately my mother has been quite aggressive about me getting married because she would like to have grandkids.  To make matters worse, I am an only child.  I am in good health, have a very good job, and have about 30M in assets.  I've been thinking about having a couple of children of my own but I still want to be single because that's the life I choose.  I am going to have someone to surrogate the babies for me.  That way, it is a win-win for both me and my parents.

That sounds terrible for your future kids. Your are buying your children and depriving them of knowing their mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

This is where if you have the money - you might consider offering to help her with these costs. Earlier the better with freezing eggs. I surprised my parents in my 40s but I will admit that I did have some help with IVF costs from my mother. She wanted a grandchild... Ended up going the single mom route since it became clear that if I waited until I had a partner I would never have a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids (still teens) say they don't want kids. Obviously a lot could change but I don't feel sad about it. We give up a lot to be parents and I can't fault anyone who makes a different choice. My sister and several close friends opted not to have kids and have rich lives.

For those who miss holding babies, remember that this is a relatively short (a year or less) period! How about offering to help out new moms by holding their babies for an hour or two so they can take a shower, go the gym, meet a friend, etc? You could do this through a church or synagogue or a neighborhood group like NextDoor. I did that during the shutdown for a friend who had kids later in life. I would go over and hold the babies for a bit to allow her to do whatever she needed to get done - shower, laundry, a quick walk outside, whatever. I loved it and she was very appreciative!

Some people in my synogogue did this for me and it was so appreciated!!! (I never left the house - but the chance to shower and pump and eat real food was appreciated.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids (still teens) say they don't want kids. Obviously a lot could change but I don't feel sad about it. We give up a lot to be parents and I can't fault anyone who makes a different choice. My sister and several close friends opted not to have kids and have rich lives.

For those who miss holding babies, remember that this is a relatively short (a year or less) period! How about offering to help out new moms by holding their babies for an hour or two so they can take a shower, go the gym, meet a friend, etc? You could do this through a church or synagogue or a neighborhood group like NextDoor. I did that during the shutdown for a friend who had kids later in life. I would go over and hold the babies for a bit to allow her to do whatever she needed to get done - shower, laundry, a quick walk outside, whatever. I loved it and she was very appreciative!

Some people in my synogogue did this for me and it was so appreciated!!! (I never left the house - but the chance to shower and pump and eat real food was appreciated.)

Please stop bringing up examples of doing things for other kids. We all volunteer, still enjoy kids, but holding babies, dealing with other children, while certainly nice, is not the same as your entire family coming to a halt and the relationship you had with your grandparents, and the relationship your kids had with their grandparents will never be a thing with you- it's a family loss, not holding a baby loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

OTOH, the young adults now are completely self-absorbed and extremely immature.

That is why they are not having children.

Not quite. Women have way more opportunities nowadays, and a lot of people simply aren’t cut out to be good parents (mine sure weren’t).

I’m glad that fewer people are having children and that being childfree is becoming more acceptable.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom has one grandchild, from me. Growing up, she did not foster and encourage a family, in fact, the opposite, calling kids brats, our home life was chaos. I do the opposite with my child, I am fostering and encouraging family life and the importance of one day having own family.

Silent Generation mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42 years old single male and I see my mom and dad every other day but lately my mother has been quite aggressive about me getting married because she would like to have grandkids.  To make matters worse, I am an only child.  I am in good health, have a very good job, and have about 30M in assets.  I've been thinking about having a couple of children of my own but I still want to be single because that's the life I choose.  I am going to have someone to surrogate the babies for me.  That way, it is a win-win for both me and my parents.

That sounds terrible for your future kids. Your are buying your children and depriving them of knowing their mother.

If gay couples have kids, are their kids deprived for not knowing the egg or sperm donor if they are loved? No they are not. You sound ignorant. There are plenty of ways to have kids today besides traditional marriages of the 60s. Go outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42 years old single male and I see my mom and dad every other day but lately my mother has been quite aggressive about me getting married because she would like to have grandkids.  To make matters worse, I am an only child.  I am in good health, have a very good job, and have about 30M in assets.  I've been thinking about having a couple of children of my own but I still want to be single because that's the life I choose.  I am going to have someone to surrogate the babies for me.  That way, it is a win-win for both me and my parents.

That sounds terrible for your future kids. Your are buying your children and depriving them of knowing their mother.

Anyone who uses IVF or a surrogate or adopts or uses donor sperm/eggs is "buying" their children. Still makes them their children.

And puh-leeze about the "mother" crap. Surrogates willingly surrender the child and do not identify as the "mother."

You would never say this if PP was a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom begged mr to have kids snd now sll she does os travel. If you want grandkids so bad be prepared to stop your life and take care of them.

People aren’t having kids because the village is too busy with their own lives. You claim you want to be a grandmother but are you going to cook and change diapers? This is not the 1960s. People are having kids later or not at all because There is more life to live than sitting in a house with a screaming baby. Grandparents should be sued for their lack of support. Stop pressuring people to have kids who you will only see once a week for an hour.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom begged mr to have kids snd now sll she does os travel. If you want grandkids so bad be prepared to stop your life and take care of them.

People aren’t having kids because the village is too busy with their own lives. You claim you want to be a grandmother but are you going to cook and change diapers? This is not the 1960s. People are having kids later or not at all because There is more life to live than sitting in a house with a screaming baby. Grandparents should be sued for their lack of support. Stop pressuring people to have kids who you will only see once a week for an hour.

+1

1000. These grandparents are useless!!!