No grandchildren

[Anonymous]

OP, an adult child of yours may eventually marry. They may marry a widower or a divorcee. They may instantly become a step parent. There are many, many way you may end up being a Grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom has one grandchild, from me. Growing up, she did not foster and encourage a family, in fact, the opposite, calling kids brats, our home life was chaos. I do the opposite with my child, I am fostering and encouraging family life and the importance of one day having own family.

+1 this was my childhood too, but I’m married and childfree. My sister didn’t have children either. Raising children looked awful from what I saw. I felt like a burden to both of my parents, especially my mother. My mother guilted us about grandchildren. I think she wanted a do-over. When I was about 40, my mother asked me if she’d given me a bad impression of what it was like to be a mom! She seems to know what she did. I sometimes feel sad about not having children, but it would have been a disaster and I’m proud that my sister and I broke the cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can always sign up to be "adoptable" grandparents for kids who don't have grandparents.

DP here. Sure. But we aren't collecting kids...it's not abouf that. We volunteer, I have been a teacher- thousands of kids. We are talking about the exponential family that's missing.

[Anonymous]

I am an anomaly!!! I hope my kids do not have children!!! Grandchildren would be one more human to stress about! Don’t want them at all😬😬

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an anomaly!!! I hope my kids do not have children!!! Grandchildren would be one more human to stress about! Don’t want them at all😬😬

+1

[Anonymous]

I notice this a lot with larger (3+ kid) families. For whatever reasons they seem to be more reticent about having kids themselves. Like they only picture a bigger family and know they don't want that personally even in happy families, but lose nuance that it would be different with 2 or even 1 kid. My DH is one of 5 and while there are grandchildren, there aren't many and 3 opted out altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

thank you and I'm so sorry!
The ironic part is us too.
Although we have a very big life, it could be that grandchildren won't be a part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Lots could still happen. Come back in 10 years.

True, lots of people have a first in the late 30s (we had two after 35).

I'm curious though, do you 33 and 31 year old talk about why they don't want children? I'm hearing the same from friends who have kids in that age group and younger, so this is not unusual, and have to wonder what's going on?

New poster here, 34, childfree. So many reasons. The general state of the world, climate change, finances. I am happily married but we cannot afford to buy a house. Daycare is absurdly expensive and we wouldn’t afford that either. I feel like having a child would be simultaneous with giving up retirement and working until I couldn’t walk anymore.

I don’t want all the grunt work that comes with being a parent. I am glad my parents already have grandchildren through my sibling, but sibling is very difficult and that relationship is tenuous. I feel bad that they don’t have a close relationship with their grandkids.

I have some worsening health problems that would make pregnancy a difficult or simply dangerous state for me.

Basically I think people who have kids should 101% want to be parents. You should be all in, or nothing. And I am not.

ALL of this!!!

[Anonymous]

There should be an app to connect people like this.

My parents want nothing to do with their grandchildren and my MIL is psychotic. My kids really miss out on that bond and we haven't been able to forge any similar connections organically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

OP wrote in another post that she's 56 and lives in the midwest. She started the child bearing at age 21 and was done by age 25 after having 4 kids. Now all are in their thirties. If they went on the same timeframe as OP then OP would be a great grandparent - 21 OP births+25 OP adult DC gives birth +25 OP GC gives birth=age 71 OP has a great grand child.

Stuff happens like pregnancy whether married or not and sometimes when you did not expect it. OP kids have simply not followed her life cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

that's 3 kids, not 4. what about the 4th?

She listed

31 - says no kids
33 — says no kids
34 - wants kids not married
35 - wants kids not married

[Anonymous]

I appreciate this thread. I am not sure what will happen with my three children. One is gay and doesn’t want kids, second doesn’t want children or marriage, jury is out on the third. I go to an old lady water aerobics class and as I have gotten to know the ladies I am realizing that bragging about your grandchild is the old lady equivalent of “My Marvin is so gifted. Reading three grade levels ahead and the other day the teacher said. . “ It’s completely tone deaf, is just a way of bragging about yourself, it’s a weird flex etc. There are many
Other lovely women with a variety of family situation but they don’t continually broadcast it, just like people didn’t broadcast about their child’s dyslexia etc.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, kids are expensive. We can barely take care of yourself. How can we have kids. I’m making 60k last year, and my girlfriend make about the same amount… one of the problem is taking time off for having kids = being lazy. 2nd everything is so expensive and it’s hard to see if it’s worth it or not.

[Anonymous]

We have four grown kids. Two don’t have kids and likely never will (one by choice, the other who was always on the fence but has had the decision made for her because of fertility issues). The other two have kids.

Ironically, the two without kids work with children in public school settings and love their jobs. They’re also wonderful aunts and (one the surface at least) are not jealous of their sisters with kids. They’re good with their decision.

We love being grandparents. They bring us so much joy. We are so lucky.