Found out my coworkers were lunching during covid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work for a large subcontractor of Boeing, so flying in for lunch is not out of the realm of possibility.

But I get it. I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have human interaction in my life and my coworkers weren't right to avoid me. Got it. I'll just go start drinking again now.

TROLL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work for a large subcontractor of Boeing, so flying in for lunch is not out of the realm of possibility.

But I get it. I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have human interaction in my life and my coworkers weren't right to avoid me. Got it. I'll just go start drinking again now.

TROLL.

Definitely. Each new post is more outrageous. Get back to work OP. You’re wasting time if your job is so important.

[Anonymous]

Why couldn’t you have gone to lunch with people where you live, OP? I go to lunch with friends often and I am in your situation (live in a different city than my job). During COVID I met people for lunch at least once a week. If you didn’t, that is on you. Not your co-workers in another city!

[Anonymous]

Are you a man or a woman? That's going to make a big difference.

[Anonymous]

All I hear is that I deserve to be alone because I'm weird and don't fit in. Which I guess I needed to know. Thanks for thr tough love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I hear is that I deserve to be alone because I'm weird and don't fit in. Which I guess I needed to know. Thanks for thr tough love.

That's what you are choosing to hear. No one is actually saying that. Assuming you're not a troll, you really need therapy, because your reaction is completely irrational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I hear is that I deserve to be alone because I'm weird and don't fit in. Which I guess I needed to know. Thanks for thr tough love.

You are hearing what you want to hear. Zero people have said that you deserve to be alone.

You are taking something personally that is not a personal slight against you. If you want to have actual relationships with your colleagues, you have to participate in creating them.

Work colleagues didn't hang out and socialize before the pandemic? That's how it was at my office too. We used to "socialize" via the weekly staff meetings we had, pickup lunch meetings, grabbing coffee. It was not deeply intense and personal and wasn't usually planned in advance, but there was a feeling of camaraderie that vanished when those opportunities did. We handled the loss of community by coming up with other plans, like socially distant happy hour in someone's yard, or lunch at a park, or Zoom happy hours.

You don't deserve to be alone, but it is also not reasonable to expect other people to create a social life for you. You got out of this situation exactly what you put into it. Quit being a martyr about it.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think you were not part of the group.

[Anonymous]

To answer the original question about how you overcome the hurt and work as a team together, you simply go back to treating them as you did before you knew about the lunches. That is, friendly co-workers rather than friends. I've found it's best to have a work self and a home self, so that I don't carry personal feelings and expectations into the workplace.
The lunch thing probably started as a casual, one -off occasion that organically grew into a regular occurrence. Judging from your posts,, you probably aren't the life of the party (most people aren't), but I don't see any indication that this was a deliberate slight. You don't live locally; therefore they didn't think to invite you to a local activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you give off anti-social vibes? So many people WFH because they have no interest in the socializing aspect and just want to clock in and clock out. If that sounds like you, then you can't be put out that people are socializing around you.

No, I desperately wanted to go back to the office from day 1. I don't handle isolation well - ended up in therapy, plus meds the whole time I was at home. Regular lunches might have saved my sanity.

Did you ever reach out to co-workers to get together?

No, because I didn't want to be seen as a covid denier. I had no idea they were doing it secret already...

This is a situation where I would ask why you weren't included. IMO, you don't have much to lose by asking but if you have a favorite of the ladies or one who you may be a little closer to could you ask - did you all think about including me? It's always possible that these things just materialize and no one intentionally leaves someone out but if I were you I would want to know. Take whatever answer is given with grace and then use that information to learn from it.

I did ask. She said it was because I "lived too far away" (and that's true, I commuted in once a week by airplane) but shouldn't that have been my decision? I was back in DC visiting family ALL the time over the past two weeks and could have easily swung by somewhere for lunch.

Man, I was so on board with sympathy for the OP until "well, yeah, I live a plane ride away". Seriously, wtf OP? You're really confused by why they didn't invite you? And still hurt after they explain the most obvious reason in the world?

You need bigger things to worry about.

[Anonymous]

OP you buried the lede by not mentioning that you commute by air (which, remember, was highly discouraged for quite a while).

But: with my colleagues, a routine question was "do you want to have lunch sometime?" Answers ranged from "we're staying away from restaurants" to "how about tomorrow?" And to be fair I generally only asked colleagues who lived sorta close to me (think MD vs VA).

If you're back, say when you'll be in town and ask if anyone is free for lunch that day.

[Anonymous]

Did you ever invite anyone to lunch or coffee? If not, then it's on you, not them. Another colleague and I both hated WFH. We were depressed, in therapy, on med like you mentioned. We decided that we would meet on Fridays for happy hour or lunch. We met in a location outdoors between our homes. I looked forward to it every week. We did not invite a few of our other coworkers because they live far away from us or are really covid averse (double masking, didn't want to come back, think it's moral failure to get covid)

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have friends wherever you actually live? If not, work on developing those relationships.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I live in DC and would never think to regularly invite a friend or coworker in NY to lunch.

I’m sorry you were left out but it really seems this was dictated by geography and convenience.