Found out my coworkers were lunching during covid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you go to lunch/socialize with these people before the pandemic?

No. And they didn't socialize together outside of work, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP did not get the response she was hoping for and has stopped responding since no one is on her side.

Agree. She just wanted to hear that they were mean bullies. She probably thought someone would tell her to go to HR to complain that people she didn’t talk to don’t invite her to lunch in another state.

[Anonymous]

Apart from the obvious "commuting by plane" piece of information, you said you never ever communicated with them after you got sent home. You lurk in the shadow and don't contribute to discussions. Friendship is a 2-way street. You are emotionally needy yet uninterested in the people you are expecting to fill your need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work for a large subcontractor of Boeing, so flying in for lunch is not out of the realm of possibility.

But I get it. I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have human interaction in my life and my coworkers weren't right to avoid me. Got it. I'll just go start drinking again now.

Now I suspect you're just a troll. This reaction isn't normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apart from the obvious "commuting by plane" piece of information, you said you never ever communicated with them after you got sent home. You lurk in the shadow and don't contribute to discussions. Friendship is a 2-way street. You are emotionally needy yet uninterested in the people you are expecting to fill your need.

I don't understand how you communicate with people who aren't in the room. We never chatted via email before! All personal talk was like, turn around in the chair and chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work for a large subcontractor of Boeing, so flying in for lunch is not out of the realm of possibility.

But I get it. I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have human interaction in my life and my coworkers weren't right to avoid me. Got it. I'll just go start drinking again now.

Now I suspect you're just a troll. This reaction isn't normal.

I'm a troll because I struggle with things you don't? I'm glad you can't understand my feelings, because it sucks to live this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work for a large subcontractor of Boeing, so flying in for lunch is not out of the realm of possibility.

But I get it. I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have human interaction in my life and my coworkers weren't right to avoid me. Got it. I'll just go start drinking again now.

OP, you seem depressed, and you should look into therapy to help you deal with these situations. This is not a normal reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work for a large subcontractor of Boeing, so flying in for lunch is not out of the realm of possibility.

But I get it. I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have human interaction in my life and my coworkers weren't right to avoid me. Got it. I'll just go start drinking again now.

Now I suspect you're just a troll. This reaction isn't normal.

I'm a troll because I struggle with things you don't? I'm glad you can't understand my feelings, because it sucks to live this way.

No. I suspect you're a troll because your reaction is only looking for more people to react to you. You're refusing to look at things rationally

1. You're a flight away. No one is is inviting someone to lunch that requires a flight. Even if you work for Boeing
2. It was during a pandemic when people were encouraged not to fly
3. Youre not even friendly with these people. You didnt talk during the pandemic.
No one is saying you're a terrible person. No one is saying you don't deserve to have interaction with your coworkers. But if you look at those 3 facts, its obvious they weren't snubbing you or being mean. You need to tone down how you react to things so you can see things logically. Your reaction to the situation and to how people responded to your post hint at the fact that you're reactionary. Slow down and try to tame the emotions before you let them get the best of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work for a large subcontractor of Boeing, so flying in for lunch is not out of the realm of possibility.

But I get it. I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have human interaction in my life and my coworkers weren't right to avoid me. Got it. I'll just go start drinking again now.

Now I suspect you're just a troll. This reaction isn't normal.

I'm a troll because I struggle with things you don't? I'm glad you can't understand my feelings, because it sucks to live this way.

No. I suspect you're a troll because your reaction is only looking for more people to react to you. You're refusing to look at things rationally

1. You're a flight away. No one is is inviting someone to lunch that requires a flight. Even if you work for Boeing
2. It was during a pandemic when people were encouraged not to fly
3. Youre not even friendly with these people. You didnt talk during the pandemic.
No one is saying you're a terrible person. No one is saying you don't deserve to have interaction with your coworkers. But if you look at those 3 facts, its obvious they weren't snubbing you or being mean. You need to tone down how you react to things so you can see things logically. Your reaction to the situation and to how people responded to your post hint at the fact that you're reactionary. Slow down and try to tame the emotions before you let them get the best of you.

Oh and I'll add in point 4. You said you only flew in once a week prior. So it's not like you could have been close with them. I'm just trying to understand your thought process but I cant figure out why you're so upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you give off anti-social vibes? So many people WFH because they have no interest in the socializing aspect and just want to clock in and clock out. If that sounds like you, then you can't be put out that people are socializing around you.

No, I desperately wanted to go back to the office from day 1. I don't handle isolation well - ended up in therapy, plus meds the whole time I was at home. Regular lunches might have saved my sanity.

Did you ever reach out to co-workers to get together?

No, because I didn't want to be seen as a covid denier. I had no idea they were doing it secret already...

This is a situation where I would ask why you weren't included. IMO, you don't have much to lose by asking but if you have a favorite of the ladies or one who you may be a little closer to could you ask - did you all think about including me? It's always possible that these things just materialize and no one intentionally leaves someone out but if I were you I would want to know. Take whatever answer is given with grace and then use that information to learn from it.

I did ask. She said it was because I "lived too far away" (and that's true, I commuted in once a week by airplane) but shouldn't that have been my decision? I was back in DC visiting family ALL the time over the past two weeks and could have easily swung by somewhere for lunch.

Why is that OPs typically bury the lede????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from the obvious "commuting by plane" piece of information, you said you never ever communicated with them after you got sent home. You lurk in the shadow and don't contribute to discussions. Friendship is a 2-way street. You are emotionally needy yet uninterested in the people you are expecting to fill your need.

I don't understand how you communicate with people who aren't in the room. We never chatted via email before! All personal talk was like, turn around in the chair and chat.

Obviously, you call, email, or text. This isn't rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work for a large subcontractor of Boeing, so flying in for lunch is not out of the realm of possibility.

But I get it. I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have human interaction in my life and my coworkers weren't right to avoid me. Got it. I'll just go start drinking again now.

Now I suspect you're just a troll. This reaction isn't normal.

I'm a troll because I struggle with things you don't? I'm glad you can't understand my feelings, because it sucks to live this way.

No. I suspect you're a troll because your reaction is only looking for more people to react to you. You're refusing to look at things rationally

1. You're a flight away. No one is is inviting someone to lunch that requires a flight. Even if you work for Boeing
2. It was during a pandemic when people were encouraged not to fly
3. Youre not even friendly with these people. You didnt talk during the pandemic.
No one is saying you're a terrible person. No one is saying you don't deserve to have interaction with your coworkers. But if you look at those 3 facts, its obvious they weren't snubbing you or being mean. You need to tone down how you react to things so you can see things logically. Your reaction to the situation and to how people responded to your post hint at the fact that you're reactionary. Slow down and try to tame the emotions before you let them get the best of you.

This.

[Anonymous]

Op. Let's take emotions out for a second and look at facts.

1. Prior to the pandemic, you flew in once a week
2. After Covid hit, you and your coworkers didn't interact
3. Coworkers got together for lunch. Since you didn't talk, they wouldn't know you were in town visiting family
4. Flying into town for lunch, during a pandemic which for a long time people were told not to fly, makes zero sense
5. You all are back in office now but you're still flying in once a week?

They weren't snubbing you. They weren't being mean. The fact of the matter is that no one would invite a coworker who they see once a wek and barely interact with, to fly in to meet for lunch. Its nothing against you. Its nothing against them. Its just reality.

It sounds like you're lonely and a little depressed. Which is hard. I've been there. If you can't find a new job, try to find an activity in your area where you can make some friends. I think when people feel lonely, they tend to focus on others and their friendships which may be why you're not looking at this logically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from the obvious "commuting by plane" piece of information, you said you never ever communicated with them after you got sent home. You lurk in the shadow and don't contribute to discussions. Friendship is a 2-way street. You are emotionally needy yet uninterested in the people you are expecting to fill your need.

I don't understand how you communicate with people who aren't in the room. We never chatted via email before! All personal talk was like, turn around in the chair and chat.

Obviously, you call, email, or text. This isn't rocket science.

This is why I think OP is a troll. Her thought process makes no sense! She expected people who her only interaction with is talking to them in a meeting to ask her to take a round trip flight for lunch. It makes zero sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But I get it. I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have human interaction in my life and my coworkers weren't right to avoid me. Got it. I'll just go start drinking again now.

Oh man. You are the person I desperately hope my fourteen year old doesn’t grow in to, so I’ll tell you what I tell her:

You have an inherent dignity and worth that no one can take away from you. Until you learn to recognize and internalize that for yourself, no amount of affirmation from others will satisfy you. It will be like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom.