Why does my mother control my father, and why does he allow it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents had this dynamic. All their lives.

Mom was a perfectionist who loved control. She often ridiculed dad (and us kids) for not doing things exactly right according to her high standards, with the result that dad gradually did less and less. Dad was laid back and passive, and perfectly happy to let his competent wife take care all the household running chores. Deep down, he knew mom had a kind heart and meant well, so he let her run things and tune her out most of the time. Occasionally her hen-pecking ways get out of hand and he'd snap at her. Mom coped with her resentment of dad by dumping on me.

It's a dysfunctional relationship, sure, but it worked for them. Shortly before dad died, he told us what a great partner mom had been for him. Her love language was acts of service, and despite all her bark, she took really good physical care of him. For her part mom was inconsolable after dad's passing. She changed her tune completely and sang only his praises.

It's a mind f*ck for me, watching their relationship and all the dysfunctions there within. I believe they were codependent on each other, a domineering personality and an enabler.

That’s a pretty superficial interpretation of someone’s marriage and capabilities.

Classic narcissist!

Maybe if you marry someone laid back and passive, you’ll realize what few options you have for functioning well.

I'm sorry that you married a dud. but you don't get to dismiss my family story.

My dad was not a dud. He was accomplished, level headed, and a good listener. He had his faults, but was still a good father and a decent husband. He never, ever, badmouthed my mom, even though he had plenty of reasons to. Mom was a martyr with a raging temper who blamed everything on everyone else. Had she married someone not as laid back as dad, I'm positive there would have been shouting matches and worse.

Dang, I messed that up above 👆. Meant to add “Classic narcissist!”