DH put hands on 8 y/o son's neck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

+1

It’s also why most women murder victims are killed by their significant others. Someone always tells them they were “overreacting”. And then they’re dead, or their children are dead, and they “should have gotten out sooner”.

Get out OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

+1

It’s also why most women murder victims are killed by their significant others. Someone always tells them they were “overreacting”. And then they’re dead, or their children are dead, and they “should have gotten out sooner”.

Get out OP.

Exactly. Get out OP. It’s not being dramatic to say that your life and your kids lives depend on it.

[Anonymous]

Screaming go f*ck yourself to an 8 yr old is incredibly scary behavior and a sign hat a person cannot control themself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ypu pack up and leave. Contact National Center for Women and children. You only return if husbands commits and makes appointments for regular therapy and anger management. Oh and you file a police report for violence against a minor.
"Snap" reactions are bullshit. What happens when he "snaps" someones neck. You dont defend against an 8 year old. You leave the room.

Are you crazy? The kid was swinging at his own father. And this is why - because of this nonsense. Kids think they can do whatever they want and if a parent responds, it's abuse. How absurd. Go ahead and call the National Center for Women and Children -- believe me, they have seen real abuse, 1,000 times worse than what OP described. You will be wasting their time and yours.

There are lots of ways to respond to a kid who is out of control that don’t involve putting your hands on their throat.

There are lots of ways of describing pushing a violent kid away that don't make it sound like choking them, too, which clearly didn't happen -- and which the title of this thread clearly implies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

Or you realize that so many young men are not give ANY pushback to violence when they're growing up, so they think violence is okay. He swung at his father. His father pushed him away. I think that's justified. Don't teach your kids the world will treat everything they do as a "teachable moment." Sometime they get back what they deserve, on a gut level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

Or you realize that so many young men are not give ANY pushback to violence when they're growing up, so they think violence is okay. He swung at his father. His father pushed him away. I think that's justified. Don't teach your kids the world will treat everything they do as a "teachable moment." Sometime they get back what they deserve, on a gut level.

+1. I think this thread is full of women that find a more overtly masculine-style parenting of man to boy to be too scary and dangerous and want to shelter the boy, even if it means calling CPS on your own husband. Which ironically enough feeds even more into the school shooter phenomenon than having your dad drop an F bomb on you when you’re acting up ever did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

Or you realize that so many young men are not give ANY pushback to violence when they're growing up, so they think violence is okay. He swung at his father. His father pushed him away. I think that's justified. Don't teach your kids the world will treat everything they do as a "teachable moment." Sometime they get back what they deserve, on a gut level.

+1. I think this thread is full of women that find a more overtly masculine-style parenting of man to boy to be too scary and dangerous and want to shelter the boy, even if it means calling CPS on your own husband. Which ironically enough feeds even more into the school shooter phenomenon than having your dad drop an F bomb on you when you’re acting up ever did.

Keep telling yourself that. DH is a former D1 athlete, has never touched our children. I'm from a military family, men in my family don't discipline with their hands. If you feel the need to put your hands on an 8 year old's neck to teach them a lesson, that's not masculine, that's weakness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

Or you realize that so many young men are not give ANY pushback to violence when they're growing up, so they think violence is okay. He swung at his father. His father pushed him away. I think that's justified. Don't teach your kids the world will treat everything they do as a "teachable moment." Sometime they get back what they deserve, on a gut level.

+1. I think this thread is full of women that find a more overtly masculine-style parenting of man to boy to be too scary and dangerous and want to shelter the boy, even if it means calling CPS on your own husband. Which ironically enough feeds even more into the school shooter phenomenon than having your dad drop an F bomb on you when you’re acting up ever did.

Keep telling yourself that. DH is a former D1 athlete, has never touched our children. I'm from a military family, men in my family don't discipline with their hands. If you feel the need to put your hands on an 8 year old's neck to teach them a lesson, that's not masculine, that's weakness.

Did you even read the post? He wasn't disciplining him -- he was pushing away a kid who was swinging at him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

Or you realize that so many young men are not give ANY pushback to violence when they're growing up, so they think violence is okay. He swung at his father. His father pushed him away. I think that's justified. Don't teach your kids the world will treat everything they do as a "teachable moment." Sometime they get back what they deserve, on a gut level.

+1. I think this thread is full of women that find a more overtly masculine-style parenting of man to boy to be too scary and dangerous and want to shelter the boy, even if it means calling CPS on your own husband. Which ironically enough feeds even more into the school shooter phenomenon than having your dad drop an F bomb on you when you’re acting up ever did.

Keep telling yourself that. DH is a former D1 athlete, has never touched our children. I'm from a military family, men in my family don't discipline with their hands. If you feel the need to put your hands on an 8 year old's neck to teach them a lesson, that's not masculine, that's weakness.

DH wasn’t disciplining him or teaching him a lesson though, he was actively stopping a violent child from committing harm against him. OP even admits he’s never put his hands on anyone before, and both the kid and the dad say no choking happened whatsoever. The real problem is he physically removed him in a scary male way rather than the way mom wants him to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

Or you realize that so many young men are not give ANY pushback to violence when they're growing up, so they think violence is okay. He swung at his father. His father pushed him away. I think that's justified. Don't teach your kids the world will treat everything they do as a "teachable moment." Sometime they get back what they deserve, on a gut level.

+1. I think this thread is full of women that find a more overtly masculine-style parenting of man to boy to be too scary and dangerous and want to shelter the boy, even if it means calling CPS on your own husband. Which ironically enough feeds even more into the school shooter phenomenon than having your dad drop an F bomb on you when you’re acting up ever did.

Wow - no and no. OP whatever you do, get professional help and opinions rather than listen to people like this.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds insane.

I have an 8 year old son who has anger issues and sometimes lashes out at me and DH so I get how difficult that is. It is very frustrating and hard to know how to deal w/ it especially because in the moment, we get very upset ourselves so it's hard to control ourselves. But I cannot imagine either my DH or myself ever getting to a point of putting our hands on our child the way your husband did to your child. The most I'd ever do physically would be to try to hold/restrain my son by holding his arms still. And that would only be if he was actively trying to hurt me or someone else and for some reason we could not leave the room. My first option when my son is angry and getting violent/or I think he might become violent is to leave the room and close the door and let him calm down for a few minutes. If for some reason I cannot leave the room at that moment, my next option would be to hold his arms still by like a bear hug type of restraint. I would NEVER do anything that could physically hurt my child. And putting my hands around/on his neck would be a totally insane reaction.

Yelling f*ck you! or go f*ck yourself! to an 8 year old is also an insane reaction. Cursing at someone is abusive behavior. Not only that but it will only make the situation worse. Putting hands on a child to physically hurt them or yelling curses at them to emotionally hurt them will only make your son's behavior worse, not better. He needs to be taught how to behave, not shown examples in your husband of how not to behave. Your husband needs to go to anger mgmt/therapy/parenting classes and/or your whole family needs family counseling.

Your husband's behavior seems to be escalating. Maybe in his own childhood, he was similar to your son and the way he's acting now is how his own parents dealt with him so he's repeating that pattern. Maybe he was the same age your son is now when things started getting out of control for him in his childhood/when his own parents started abusing him, so seeing your son's behavior is triggering for him and he has outsized reactions. Whatever the reason, you need to figure it out and work together to get it under control or it will only get worse. This is a crisis situation. This is extreme. Please get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Saying the f-word at your children is completely unacceptable and a line that should never be crossed.

You read through this thread and all of the people saying "you're overreacting!" and you realize why we have so many young men shooting up this country. Everything is an overreaction till it isn't. OP these are giant flaming red flags. Please make changes for your children's sake.

Or you realize that so many young men are not give ANY pushback to violence when they're growing up, so they think violence is okay. He swung at his father. His father pushed him away. I think that's justified. Don't teach your kids the world will treat everything they do as a "teachable moment." Sometime they get back what they deserve, on a gut level.

+1. I think this thread is full of women that find a more overtly masculine-style parenting of man to boy to be too scary and dangerous and want to shelter the boy, even if it means calling CPS on your own husband. Which ironically enough feeds even more into the school shooter phenomenon than having your dad drop an F bomb on you when you’re acting up ever did.

Screaming go eff yourself and grabbing a kid by the neck is not discipline. It's a sign you have lost control of yourself and the situation.
There are ways to physically and verbally restrain a child who is out of control swearing at them and grabbing by the neck is not the way to do that

Now I don't think OP needs to leave right away but her husband must get help with his temper and they both have to learn to parent this child differently so that he doesn't become a danger to himself and others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds insane.

I have an 8 year old son who has anger issues and sometimes lashes out at me and DH so I get how difficult that is. It is very frustrating and hard to know how to deal w/ it especially because in the moment, we get very upset ourselves so it's hard to control ourselves. But I cannot imagine either my DH or myself ever getting to a point of putting our hands on our child the way your husband did to your child. The most I'd ever do physically would be to try to hold/restrain my son by holding his arms still. And that would only be if he was actively trying to hurt me or someone else and for some reason we could not leave the room. My first option when my son is angry and getting violent/or I think he might become violent is to leave the room and close the door and let him calm down for a few minutes. If for some reason I cannot leave the room at that moment, my next option would be to hold his arms still by like a bear hug type of restraint. I would NEVER do anything that could physically hurt my child. And putting my hands around/on his neck would be a totally insane reaction.

Yelling f*ck you! or go f*ck yourself! to an 8 year old is also an insane reaction. Cursing at someone is abusive behavior. Not only that but it will only make the situation worse. Putting hands on a child to physically hurt them or yelling curses at them to emotionally hurt them will only make your son's behavior worse, not better. He needs to be taught how to behave, not shown examples in your husband of how not to behave. Your husband needs to go to anger mgmt/therapy/parenting classes and/or your whole family needs family counseling.

Your husband's behavior seems to be escalating. Maybe in his own childhood, he was similar to your son and the way he's acting now is how his own parents dealt with him so he's repeating that pattern. Maybe he was the same age your son is now when things started getting out of control for him in his childhood/when his own parents started abusing him, so seeing your son's behavior is triggering for him and he has outsized reactions. Whatever the reason, you need to figure it out and work together to get it under control or it will only get worse. This is a crisis situation. This is extreme. Please get help.

Sounds like your way isn't working if you're dealing with this over and over. I wonder if OP's DS will try to swing at his father again.

[Anonymous]

I have been in this situation, except my kid was older and the horrible offense was literally not handing over a piece of paper when DH asked. My kid is a dream easy straight A kid. He just HAD to have obedience or he felt he was being made “subservient”.
Move money, talk to lawyers, and find a male councilor who deals with domestic violence. I gave mine a choice. He started weekly therapy that week, and hasn’t stopped in 4 years.
If your husband says “no” to at least weekly individual therapy you are in serious danger. Report to the police. Take off work, pack bags, move money, call a lawyer, and leave without telling him. Follow the Domestic Violence Center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds insane.

I have an 8 year old son who has anger issues and sometimes lashes out at me and DH so I get how difficult that is. It is very frustrating and hard to know how to deal w/ it especially because in the moment, we get very upset ourselves so it's hard to control ourselves. But I cannot imagine either my DH or myself ever getting to a point of putting our hands on our child the way your husband did to your child. The most I'd ever do physically would be to try to hold/restrain my son by holding his arms still. And that would only be if he was actively trying to hurt me or someone else and for some reason we could not leave the room. My first option when my son is angry and getting violent/or I think he might become violent is to leave the room and close the door and let him calm down for a few minutes. If for some reason I cannot leave the room at that moment, my next option would be to hold his arms still by like a bear hug type of restraint. I would NEVER do anything that could physically hurt my child. And putting my hands around/on his neck would be a totally insane reaction.

Yelling f*ck you! or go f*ck yourself! to an 8 year old is also an insane reaction. Cursing at someone is abusive behavior. Not only that but it will only make the situation worse. Putting hands on a child to physically hurt them or yelling curses at them to emotionally hurt them will only make your son's behavior worse, not better. He needs to be taught how to behave, not shown examples in your husband of how not to behave. Your husband needs to go to anger mgmt/therapy/parenting classes and/or your whole family needs family counseling.

Your husband's behavior seems to be escalating. Maybe in his own childhood, he was similar to your son and the way he's acting now is how his own parents dealt with him so he's repeating that pattern. Maybe he was the same age your son is now when things started getting out of control for him in his childhood/when his own parents started abusing him, so seeing your son's behavior is triggering for him and he has outsized reactions. Whatever the reason, you need to figure it out and work together to get it under control or it will only get worse. This is a crisis situation. This is extreme. Please get help.

Sounds like your way isn't working if you're dealing with this over and over. I wonder if OP's DS will try to swing at his father again.

Yes, it's likely that what the kid will learn from this is to take out his anger on people who are smaller or less powerful than him. So, he might not swing at Dad again, because he's learned that beating up younger kids and eventually women is safer.

Is that the kind of man you want to raise?