Is it OK for your kid to beat up his little brother then swing at his father? Your kid needs discipline. Given your questioning, I doubt there's much hope for your marriage anyway. |
An 8 year old fighting his little brother is not necessarily a violent child. Boys fight, you have to make sure they are safe. You don’t do that by putting your hands on someone’s neck. Ever. |
It's quite possible the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and you have two hotheads in your house. I've known a couple of families who had this dynamic and it did not improve with age and only got better once the son left home.
For that reason, I recommend family therapy where a skilled therapist can show both father and son how to practice cooperative behavior and cope with disagreements. Why let this escalate before starting therapy? |
We have a special needs child who will get physical and try to punch/kick us when angry/frustrated. Neither parent has ever reacted that way. It is not normal parental reaction, even when reacting to physical pain.
Sorry this is happening, OP. I agree with other pps who note that DH's behavior towards DC is escalating & this needs to be taken seriously. I don't know what you were planning to do for the holidays, but I would take the kids to my parents/siblings/family's house or a hotel. If you have someone to watch the kids tomorrow, meet with DH and start calling to set up appt with a therapist for him/both of you. Also figure out where he can live while you get the therapy/anger management in place. You can set up an arrangement where he lives elsewhere while in treatment, with the goal of him coming back into the home when you have some progress. If he is fighting you on any of this, I would contact a lawyer. |
+1 Your DH is correct to restrain him, but not in the manner he did. He could've held his arm. The instinctive reaction to go for the throat is troublesome. Is it divorce worthy? IDK. If he agrees that what he did was wrong, and willing to seek anger management, I think that is best. Your son also has anger issues. Is he getting it from the dad? |
I have boys and I grew up with all brothers. Kids fighting is typical. Kids swinging at adults crosses the line. That was the inciting factor. |
What does DH want to do. Does he see his snap reactions as inappropriate ? If he does he shouldn't have a problem going to anger management and getting family therapy.
Separate from your DH you need to find a way to manage your son . He cannot be hurting his siblings. Or attacking his parents. Though I think the attacking your husband is likely a response to his violent behavior. |
This. It's also why your DH is so triggered by this kid - parents tend to not have any idea how to parent the kid that takes after them and gravitate toward the one that takes after the person they fell in love with. It's hard to tell from this post whether your DH is a maniac or not, but he certainly shouldn't be defending grabbing a child by the throat or screaming the f word at him. So into parenting classes he goes. |
Siblings can fight. But they shouldn't be putting hands on each other. A lesson dad needs to learn as well |
It would have never gotten past this for me. |
+1 that's not okay. Your son is 8! He shouldn't be hearing those words, much less having them thrown at him. It is abusive. |
+1. And 8 is old enough to know he can get away with crying to mommy after he got consequences for punching daddy. He’s not a toddler. This kid seems to be a problem child. |
+1. I would start with professional help for the child. It sounds like you are dealing with a very difficult situation here. |
Ok, and whose fault is that? The mom or the dad's, who's yelling "eff you" to his child and putting their hands on his neck? |
Op now says that he didn't put his hands on the child's neck. So we have a father who has an anger problem. A mother who exaggerates/ lies An 8 year old who lies and has an anger problem A younger sibling who has to deal with all of the above and get s beat up by older sibling and mom defends the older sibling. Family therapy and parenting classes at a minimum. |