DH put hands on 8 y/o son's neck

[Anonymous]

In the midst of a stressful situation, DS, 8, was sent to his room for fighting with his little brother. DH went in after him to turn a light on and DS started swinging at him, repeatedly. DH responded by grabbing DS by the neck and throwing him on his bed.

I came in on the heels of this, with DS crying and saying he put his hands on my neck, and DH saying he "had to defend himself from haymakers."

This is the first time DH has put hands on kids in the family or me. He does have anger issues and has twice in the past month screamed "f*ck you or go f*ck yourself" to the same child, who when bounding across the room or play wrestling, has hurt him. DH says these are "snap reactions" to being physically hurt when not expecting it.

Where do I go from here?

[Anonymous]

Ypu pack up and leave. Contact National Center for Women and children. You only return if husbands commits and makes appointments for regular therapy and anger management. Oh and you file a police report for violence against a minor.
"Snap" reactions are bullshit. What happens when he "snaps" someones neck. You dont defend against an 8 year old. You leave the room.

[Anonymous]

In my marriage, this would lead to two options: divorce or husband moves out and enters therapy for anger management and reports regularly about it, and you get to also meet with his therapist and perhaps try to reintegrate him over time.

If he want cooperative, I’d take the kids tonight to my parents house and start divorce proceedings.

[Anonymous]

You get the 8 year old to settle down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You get the 8 year old to settle down.

OP, ignore this troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the midst of a stressful situation, DS, 8, was sent to his room for fighting with his little brother. DH went in after him to turn a light on and DS started swinging at him, repeatedly. DH responded by grabbing DS by the neck and throwing him on his bed.

I came in on the heels of this, with DS crying and saying he put his hands on my neck, and DH saying he "had to defend himself from haymakers."

This is the first time DH has put hands on kids in the family or me. He does have anger issues and has twice in the past month screamed "f*ck you or go f*ck yourself" to the same child, who when bounding across the room or play wrestling, has hurt him. DH says these are "snap reactions" to being physically hurt when not expecting it.

Where do I go from here?

And not the last. He's escalating.

OP, many, many parents have been in stressful situations with 8 year olds hitting them and have not responded by putting their hands around their child's neck.

Make a plan to leave. If you think he will be angry and not remorseful, make the plan in secret.

https://www.thehotline.org/

[Anonymous]

So there are a lot of studies that show a high level of correlation between strangling and future homicide. Your next steps couldn’t be more clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ypu pack up and leave. Contact National Center for Women and children. You only return if husbands commits and makes appointments for regular therapy and anger management. Oh and you file a police report for violence against a minor.
"Snap" reactions are bullshit. What happens when he "snaps" someones neck. You dont defend against an 8 year old. You leave the room.

This. The most troubling part of this is how he is attempting to defend his behavior. You’re on the path to broken bones. What would you say to your kid then if you chose to stay. Your husband needs to deal with this head on.

[Anonymous]

I have a child who is violent. I remember the shock I felt when it started. I wish that we had the perfect reactions - but I’m not really sure what that would have been. Over time and through a lot of medical treatment with my son, we got better at anticipating and avoiding.

I say this to point out that you have a child that crossed a hard line. Your husband may have reacted badly. It’s time to discuss bringing the professionals and, in a calmer time, discuss boundaries. But there is a lot of heat of the moment reactions that will never be perfect. And everyone who is now saying run and divorce probably don’t have violent kids. But you do.

[Anonymous]

Then this guy gets 50 percent of the time with the kids after they divorce.

Your kids sound wild.

[Anonymous]

OP again. He and my son are saying there was no "strangling" or pressure on the neck, does this matter? I looked immediately afterwards and saw no marks.

In my mind there are 1k ways to restrain a child or leave the situation without putting hands on the neck. Even moving a child to the bed in a somewhat rough manner by picking them up around the waist or shoulders....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You get the 8 year old to settle down.

Not a troll. The kid was being violent. He went after his brother, then his father. Something is wrong there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. He and my son are saying there was no "strangling" or pressure on the neck, does this matter? I looked immediately afterwards and saw no marks.

In my mind there are 1k ways to restrain a child or leave the situation without putting hands on the neck. Even moving a child to the bed in a somewhat rough manner by picking them up around the waist or shoulders....

So you totally misrepresented the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. He and my son are saying there was no "strangling" or pressure on the neck, does this matter? I looked immediately afterwards and saw no marks.

In my mind there are 1k ways to restrain a child or leave the situation without putting hands on the neck. Even moving a child to the bed in a somewhat rough manner by picking them up around the waist or shoulders....

So you totally misrepresented the story.

? No. Everyone, including DH, agrees DH put his hands on DS's neck, and moved him to the bed by using his hands on his neck. I am asking if it matters that neither of them say there was any strangling or pressure around the neck? Ie is it ok to put your hands around someone's neck and throw them to the bed in that fashion, if not choking them.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband needs anger management

I think you both need parenting classes and possibly therapy for your son he's exhibiting violent behavior towards his sibling and father. You need to get to the bottom of this and put a stop to it.