Stay at home dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

Being a stay at home parent is a thankless job, not everyone gets a mansion, maid and nanny. Not every ambitious man/woman earns a fortune, at least not in first decade of work when these things are needed the most.

+1, being a SAHP when you don't have a high income is hard work because you are often working very hard to keep the family on budget, too. Lots of SAHPs are full financial partners and offer more value at home than they would in even a decent paying office job. If a person making 70-90k working full time with a commute can instead eliminate the need for a nanny or FT daycare for multiple kids, keep the house clean, do most of the grocery shopping and meal prep, and will also be the primary parent on top of that (managing schools, clothes, doctors and dentists visits, take the lead on everything from toilet training to diet to friendship issues and activities), you're talking about way, way more value to the family than an extra 80k, especially if there are young kids because most of the take home from the 80k will be eaten up by childcare costs.

The solution is a very simple one: Find a very high earning spouse. That's what I did.

Exactly. As easy to live a rich man as a poor man. Probably easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

Being a stay at home parent is a thankless job, not everyone gets a mansion, maid and nanny. Not every ambitious man/woman earns a fortune, at least not in first decade of work when these things are needed the most.

+1, being a SAHP when you don't have a high income is hard work because you are often working very hard to keep the family on budget, too. Lots of SAHPs are full financial partners and offer more value at home than they would in even a decent paying office job. If a person making 70-90k working full time with a commute can instead eliminate the need for a nanny or FT daycare for multiple kids, keep the house clean, do most of the grocery shopping and meal prep, and will also be the primary parent on top of that (managing schools, clothes, doctors and dentists visits, take the lead on everything from toilet training to diet to friendship issues and activities), you're talking about way, way more value to the family than an extra 80k, especially if there are young kids because most of the take home from the 80k will be eaten up by childcare costs.

The solution is a very simple one: Find a very high earning spouse. That's what I did.

Exactly. As easy to live a rich man as a poor man. Probably easier.

Problem is there are not enough to go around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its tough being a two career family and its tough being one career family, just in different ways. However, until kids start full time KG, its beneficial for them to be raised by a loving parent than a paid caretaker. There is no real benefit for the parent risking their career to become a full time parent. Its much easier to do part time parenting.

What? It’s not as tough to be a one career family as it is to be a two career family.

Being a working mom with a SAHD is the best. It’s really the only way to “have it all.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its tough being a two career family and its tough being one career family, just in different ways. However, until kids start full time KG, its beneficial for them to be raised by a loving parent than a paid caretaker. There is no real benefit for the parent risking their career to become a full time parent. Its much easier to do part time parenting.

What? It’s not as tough to be a one career family as it is to be a two career family.

Being a working mom with a SAHD is the best. It’s really the only way to “have it all.”

This is #1 wish of my physician friends who've learned that you just can't have it all without stretching yourself thin enough to break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its tough being a two career family and its tough being one career family, just in different ways. However, until kids start full time KG, its beneficial for them to be raised by a loving parent than a paid caretaker. There is no real benefit for the parent risking their career to become a full time parent. Its much easier to do part time parenting.

What? It’s not as tough to be a one career family as it is to be a two career family.

Being a working mom with a SAHD is the best. It’s really the only way to “have it all.”

The number one complaint in this forum is that men don't pull their weight at home or in parenting.

That means that in order to have it all, you have to find a man willing to be a SAHD (a rare unicorn) who is also willing and able to do the majority of the household and parenting work (also a rare unicorn). A rare unicorn squared! Good luck with that.

(I believe the consensus is that SAHMs should not have to do 100% of the parenting and household tasks - the working dad has to do something. By extension the SAHD should not have to do 100%. But what is a reasonable percentage for the SAH parent? 90% 80%)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its tough being a two career family and its tough being one career family, just in different ways. However, until kids start full time KG, its beneficial for them to be raised by a loving parent than a paid caretaker. There is no real benefit for the parent risking their career to become a full time parent. Its much easier to do part time parenting.

What? It’s not as tough to be a one career family as it is to be a two career family.

Being a working mom with a SAHD is the best. It’s really the only way to “have it all.”

The number one complaint in this forum is that men don't pull their weight at home or in parenting.

That means that in order to have it all, you have to find a man willing to be a SAHD (a rare unicorn) who is also willing and able to do the majority of the household and parenting work (also a rare unicorn). A rare unicorn squared! Good luck with that.

(I believe the consensus is that SAHMs should not have to do 100% of the parenting and household tasks - the working dad has to do something. By extension the SAHD should not have to do 100%. But what is a reasonable percentage for the SAH parent? 90% 80%)

It really hasn’t been my experience that he needed to be willing to do a majority of the parenting and housework. I have a P/T housekeeper that does the cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
But he does take on most of the kid stuff, including organizing their activities, AND he provides 100% reliable and 100% flexible childcare.

My life and my ability to succeed at work have completely changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its tough being a two career family and its tough being one career family, just in different ways. However, until kids start full time KG, its beneficial for them to be raised by a loving parent than a paid caretaker. There is no real benefit for the parent risking their career to become a full time parent. Its much easier to do part time parenting.

What? It’s not as tough to be a one career family as it is to be a two career family.

Being a working mom with a SAHD is the best. It’s really the only way to “have it all.”

The number one complaint in this forum is that men don't pull their weight at home or in parenting.

That means that in order to have it all, you have to find a man willing to be a SAHD (a rare unicorn) who is also willing and able to do the majority of the household and parenting work (also a rare unicorn). A rare unicorn squared! Good luck with that.

(I believe the consensus is that SAHMs should not have to do 100% of the parenting and household tasks - the working dad has to do something. By extension the SAHD should not have to do 100%. But what is a reasonable percentage for the SAH parent? 90% 80%)

While it is fun to pretend we would respect a man for his diaper-changing and toilette cleaning skills, the reality is quite different.

SAHDs are the ones who’s wives cheat (especially on work travel).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

Being a stay at home parent is a thankless job, not everyone gets a mansion, maid and nanny. Not every ambitious man/woman earns a fortune, at least not in first decade of work when these things are needed the most.

+1, being a SAHP when you don't have a high income is hard work because you are often working very hard to keep the family on budget, too. Lots of SAHPs are full financial partners and offer more value at home than they would in even a decent paying office job. If a person making 70-90k working full time with a commute can instead eliminate the need for a nanny or FT daycare for multiple kids, keep the house clean, do most of the grocery shopping and meal prep, and will also be the primary parent on top of that (managing schools, clothes, doctors and dentists visits, take the lead on everything from toilet training to diet to friendship issues and activities), you're talking about way, way more value to the family than an extra 80k, especially if there are young kids because most of the take home from the 80k will be eaten up by childcare costs.

The solution is a very simple one: Find a very high earning spouse. That's what I did.

Exactly. As easy to live a rich man as a poor man. Probably easier.

Problem is there are not enough to go around.

That's where polygamy comes into the picture!

Better to be JFK's fourth wife than Joe Schmo's only wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its tough being a two career family and its tough being one career family, just in different ways. However, until kids start full time KG, its beneficial for them to be raised by a loving parent than a paid caretaker. There is no real benefit for the parent risking their career to become a full time parent. Its much easier to do part time parenting.

What? It’s not as tough to be a one career family as it is to be a two career family.

Being a working mom with a SAHD is the best. It’s really the only way to “have it all.”

The number one complaint in this forum is that men don't pull their weight at home or in parenting.

That means that in order to have it all, you have to find a man willing to be a SAHD (a rare unicorn) who is also willing and able to do the majority of the household and parenting work (also a rare unicorn). A rare unicorn squared! Good luck with that.

(I believe the consensus is that SAHMs should not have to do 100% of the parenting and household tasks - the working dad has to do something. By extension the SAHD should not have to do 100%. But what is a reasonable percentage for the SAH parent? 90% 80%)

While it is fun to pretend we would respect a man for his diaper-changing and toilette cleaning skills, the reality is quite different.

SAHDs are the ones who’s wives cheat (especially on work travel).

Do we respect women for these skills? Or any others?

[Anonymous]

Not posting a link (easy to Google) but it is well documented that men's testosterone levels drop the more time they spend at home. This is true regardless of whether they are SAH or work from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its tough being a two career family and its tough being one career family, just in different ways. However, until kids start full time KG, its beneficial for them to be raised by a loving parent than a paid caretaker. There is no real benefit for the parent risking their career to become a full time parent. Its much easier to do part time parenting.

What? It’s not as tough to be a one career family as it is to be a two career family.

Being a working mom with a SAHD is the best. It’s really the only way to “have it all.”

The number one complaint in this forum is that men don't pull their weight at home or in parenting.

That means that in order to have it all, you have to find a man willing to be a SAHD (a rare unicorn) who is also willing and able to do the majority of the household and parenting work (also a rare unicorn). A rare unicorn squared! Good luck with that.

(I believe the consensus is that SAHMs should not have to do 100% of the parenting and household tasks - the working dad has to do something. By extension the SAHD should not have to do 100%. But what is a reasonable percentage for the SAH parent? 90% 80%)

While it is fun to pretend we would respect a man for his diaper-changing and toilette cleaning skills, the reality is quite different.

SAHDs are the ones who’s wives cheat (especially on work travel).

Do we respect women for these skills? Or any others?

This thread is about SAHDs.

[Anonymous]

It’s gonna become as common as sahms. Just an obvious trend bc really why not

[Anonymous]

DH works from home, I work full time, from home 70% office 30%. He really just needs to be available via phone. He maybe works 2-3 hours on a busy day.

So he does 90% of the parenting from 630am till 6pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not go to the gym everyday like Equinox or Lifetime Athletic?

Not sure what this has to do with anything- my kids are very young so I strap them into the stroller to get my exercise. There is no one to watch them if I were to go to the gym and I don't like the idea of leaving my infant in a gym daycare. I've offered the idea to my DH so he could exercise but he doesn't want to wake up earlier to do that and already works long hours.

You can always have a babysitter come over to your house and watch your kids for three hours everyday so that you can work out at the gym. It is not that difficult.

What? Is this what SAHDs do?

I can't speak for anyone else but yes, I do that everyday.  Babysitter comes over at 9am so that I can go to Equinox to put in my three hours workout there.  I come back home at 12pm.  DW doesn't have any issues with it.

As someone with a DH that is absolutely ripped, unless you are filming for YouTube or a professional there is no need for a three hour workout. DH tried to push his workout up to an 1.5 hours and even his trainer told him he was stupid.

[Anonymous]

No parent really needs to stay at home once the kids are at school all day - so presumably this is only while the kids are v young and temporary.
I always think dcum is weirdly insistent that having a sah parent is so crucial to making life successful and once kids are at school it’s completely unnecessary. Lots of jobs with flex so you can still do all the things, esp if you don’t mind using a babysitter to drive kids to afterschool activities