Stay at home dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not common but it does happen. For it to really work though, the dad needs to actually manage the household. Plan & prep meals, shop, do housework, etc. All of the things that a SAHM would do. Its not enough to just keep the kids alive, but for some SAHD's that's all they do and then mom comes home to a disaster house and no food.

I agree, but LOL at the description of SAHMs, given the number of people on this board who seem to think that it's unreasonable to expect a SAHM to cook, keep the house clean, etc., because apparently taking care of kids is just so hard that she can't be expected to do dishes during the day.

Ironically, one of the physician did complain that husband isn't taking staying home seriously and she has to go home and clean up his mess.

[Anonymous]

You have to be a complete idiot to be a SAHD to an ambitious career woman. She's going to meet some ambitious go-getter alpha male at work and dump your loser ass.

[Anonymous]

I know one couple like this. They met while wife was in school. Guy was a bouncer and high school drop-out. Super nice guy, but not the brightest bulb. It seems to be working out for them. Two kids and nearly 15 years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not common but it does happen. For it to really work though, the dad needs to actually manage the household. Plan & prep meals, shop, do housework, etc. All of the things that a SAHM would do. Its not enough to just keep the kids alive, but for some SAHD's that's all they do and then mom comes home to a disaster house and no food.

I agree, but LOL at the description of SAHMs, given the number of people on this board who seem to think that it's unreasonable to expect a SAHM to cook, keep the house clean, etc., because apparently taking care of kids is just so hard that she can't be expected to do dishes during the day.

Yes we need to have a lengthy discussion of how the working mom in this case isn't doing enough when she comes home, and how she needs to step up on the parenting and chores when she does come home, and how she needs to stop complaining that the SAHD is too exhausted to have sex.

[Anonymous]

DH did it for 5 years when the kids were babies/toddlers. It worked for us. Like most SAHMs, he wasn’t really earning enough to justify him working and paying a nanny. Plus he is a practical person and enjoyed it. I travelled a lot for work at the time and it definitely made my life easier

It became tough for him when the kids started school and they didn’t really need him around as much. He is now back at work full time.

Our kids are now 17 and 15. Doing incredibly well at school and are well adjusted. It worked for us but I think it would be hard if both parents had great jobs they both enjoyed.

[Anonymous]

Many of my female physician friends and acquaintances who marry non-physician guys at young age, leave them and marry other physicians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of my female physician friends and acquaintances who marry non-physician guys at young age, leave them and marry other physicians.

I think they just used those guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not common but it does happen. For it to really work though, the dad needs to actually manage the household. Plan & prep meals, shop, do housework, etc. All of the things that a SAHM would do. Its not enough to just keep the kids alive, but for some SAHD's that's all they do and then mom comes home to a disaster house and no food.

I agree, but LOL at the description of SAHMs, given the number of people on this board who seem to think that it's unreasonable to expect a SAHM to cook, keep the house clean, etc., because apparently taking care of kids is just so hard that she can't be expected to do dishes during the day.

Yes we need to have a lengthy discussion of how the working mom in this case isn't doing enough when she comes home, and how she needs to step up on the parenting and chores when she does come home, and how she needs to stop complaining that the SAHD is too exhausted to have sex.

Some do that, complaining house isn't clean or kids weren't in bed or husband was playing video games.

[Anonymous]

I think wheels have turned for high income women, they want the role high income men had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to be a complete idiot to be a SAHD to an ambitious career woman. She's going to meet some ambitious go-getter alpha male at work and dump your loser ass.

Thing is that these husbands aren't losers, they are making this choice for the family because balancing two demanding careers, kids and house wasn't working for their families. Is there a risk, of course. Do they not know it? Obviously, they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not common but it does happen. For it to really work though, the dad needs to actually manage the household. Plan & prep meals, shop, do housework, etc. All of the things that a SAHM would do. Its not enough to just keep the kids alive, but for some SAHD's that's all they do and then mom comes home to a disaster house and no food.

Oh my god! Like that is so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to be a complete idiot to be a SAHD to an ambitious career woman. She's going to meet some ambitious go-getter alpha male at work and dump your loser ass.

Thing is that these husbands aren't losers, they are making this choice for the family because balancing two demanding careers, kids and house wasn't working for their families. Is there a risk, of course. Do they not know it? Obviously, they do.

Anyone who is still bucketing people in alpha/beta and can’t make a decision to stay with someone that stays at home while they work is getting left behind. Humanity is evolving past some hunter/gather alpha male BS. Don’t get stuck in a stone age mindset in a agriculture/urban society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to be a complete idiot to be a SAHD to an ambitious career woman. She's going to meet some ambitious go-getter alpha male at work and dump your loser ass.

Thing is that these husbands aren't losers, they are making this choice for the family because balancing two demanding careers, kids and house wasn't working for their families. Is there a risk, of course. Do they not know it? Obviously, they do.

Anyone who is still bucketing people in alpha/beta and can’t make a decision to stay with someone that stays at home while they work is getting left behind. Humanity is evolving past some hunter/gather alpha male BS. Don’t get stuck in a stone age mindset in a agriculture/urban society.

Eh, give them whatever labels you want, a woman who has (or thinks she has) a choice between the high-social status, high-income guy she meets at work and the low-social status, low-income SAHD she has at home, gee guess which one she will pick every time. Her attraction to her stay at home husband will inexorably decrease over time when she compares him to the men she sees at work and eventually she'll kick him to the kerb.

[Anonymous]

I tried it for a few months while out of work due to covid. Put on my best game face but hated it. Thankfully I went back to work and the kids went back to school.

[Anonymous]

I've known a few over the years. I had one guy who worked for me in the late 90's early 2000's. He married his HS sweetheart. She went to college, he didn't. He worked construction and became a supervisor and was pretty good with it. Her parents couldn't afford college, so she went to college on loans and he provided their support while she was in college and business school for her MBA. After they had kids, she was on management track and he started having back problems and had to leave construction. It made sense for him to be the SAHD. After his kids fledged, he took up computers and became a computer tech and came to work for me. He was old enough to be my dad at the time and his career was not going anywhere, but he was happy to have an office job. Meanwhile, she became the VP of finance at her health insurance company (I think it was a division of Aetna). He retired when she did and they moved to California to be near (at the time) their only grandchild. Said grandchild is now a teen and they are still happy. I believe they recently celebrated their 50th or 60th anniversary (?). I see some of his posts on FB. For them, it worked out great and was perfect for them.

I know another guy whose kids are now in college. When they were young, his wife was also on management track and he was not. She made more than he did and he became a SAHD. I don't the specifics, but now, 20+ years later, they are still married, his kids are out (one left the area, one is still in the area, going to UMD) and he is active in volunteering for an organization I work for.

Some families and some people can make it work. It's harder, but depending on the individuals, it can work.