Stay at home dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who was a SAHD for three years until we sent our kid off to kindergarten. I am only one data point, but here are my general observations:

1. It is super lonely. I was out of the work force and my social interactions took a nose-dive. SAHMs at my kid's activities treated me like a weird interloper;

2. My wife's interest in me sexually declined, I went from well-dressed guy going to work with interesting things to talk about to guy in sweatpants taking care of a baby and running errands all day. The bedroom rebounded almost immediately after I went back to work, my wife later apologized for this;

3. My self-esteem took a major hit because of 1 and 2 above.

4. I had three years with my daughter that were really invaluable, she is really amazing.

Oh, this exact thing happened to me when I was SAHM, from No. 1 to No. 5.

But it ended with my exH finding someone at his work and telling me he no longer needed a "cook" at home. I was just so busy with our autistic child, my exH never really allowed me to rebound and wait it out until it gets better. Now that I am back to work I feel my life is back on track, and I feel attractive again but the collateral damage of a broken family is irreparable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest issue is that every one assumes the person is a SAHD because they have mental or physical issues and can’t work. Even the PP construction dad quit because of a bad back not because he made far less in his blue collar job.

It can be hard for kids; around here having a SAHD makes you “that” family, and the SAHD will be excluded from the SAHM scene and play dates. This can set kids up for isolation.

Not my experience. My kid has so many play date requests that we have to turn people down. These assumptions are either in your mind or due to the people you choose to associate with.

Where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who was a SAHD for three years until we sent our kid off to kindergarten. I am only one data point, but here are my general observations:

1. It is super lonely. I was out of the work force and my social interactions took a nose-dive. SAHMs at my kid's activities treated me like a weird interloper;

2. My wife's interest in me sexually declined, I went from well-dressed guy going to work with interesting things to talk about to guy in sweatpants taking care of a baby and running errands all day. The bedroom rebounded almost immediately after I went back to work, my wife later apologized for this;

3. My self-esteem took a major hit because of 1 and 2 above.

4. I had three years with my daughter that were really invaluable, she is really amazing.

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. My situation is different. I have been a SAHD for almost eleven years, when my first born turned six years old. I now have a seventeen year old boy, sixteen years old girl, and a fourteen years old boy. My wife is still working for the federal government. I left my job at the age of 33 years old when my employer was acquired by another company and I cashed out my stock options, around 15M at the time. I figured I didn't need to work anymore and decided to be a SAHD. Since my kids are into sports, it gives me the opportunity to travel with my kids all over the US and sometimes Europe and South America for tournaments. I've been doing it for almost eleven years now and life is really good. I am sad that my seventeen years old son will go to college next year but at least I have my sixteen years old daughter and fourteen years old son for a few more years. I also workout and hang out with my gym buddies everyday at the Country Club where I am a member. I am living my dream as a SAHD.

You retired early and I’m 100% sure everyone knows that you are filthy rich even though your wife works for the gov. That’s a totally different thing.

Dot.com?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who was a SAHD for three years until we sent our kid off to kindergarten. I am only one data point, but here are my general observations:

1. It is super lonely. I was out of the work force and my social interactions took a nose-dive. SAHMs at my kid's activities treated me like a weird interloper;

2. My wife's interest in me sexually declined, I went from well-dressed guy going to work with interesting things to talk about to guy in sweatpants taking care of a baby and running errands all day. The bedroom rebounded almost immediately after I went back to work, my wife later apologized for this;

3. My self-esteem took a major hit because of 1 and 2 above.

4. I had three years with my daughter that were really invaluable, she is really amazing.

I am a SAHM but actually found #2 to be true of me with my DH when he had been fully WFH. I basically only saw him in sweats and he rarely left the house, it was a huge turn off. I tried to subtly tell him this and he got the hint and start going into the office much more.
I try to keep this in mind myself though and get dressed (still comfortable but not sloppy)/do some makeup almost every day. I feel better about myself too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know one SAHD, and yes, his wife is a surgeon.

Same. But the balance is totally different than a SAHM/working DH. She rushes out of OR to help with bedtime or wont take late cases bc her “husband needs her at home” and leaves them for her male partners to stay late and take (even though I’m sure their wives would love help too at home).

[Anonymous]

Bottom line: Ambitious men/women and their children significantly benefit from stay at home spouses. Women are just realizing this. Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

[Anonymous]

My DH was for 8 months during the pandemic, with our /kindergartener/ first grader (at the time). It was the best part of our marriage. They are still super close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who was a SAHD for three years until we sent our kid off to kindergarten. I am only one data point, but here are my general observations:

1. It is super lonely. I was out of the work force and my social interactions took a nose-dive. SAHMs at my kid's activities treated me like a weird interloper;

2. My wife's interest in me sexually declined, I went from well-dressed guy going to work with interesting things to talk about to guy in sweatpants taking care of a baby and running errands all day. The bedroom rebounded almost immediately after I went back to work, my wife later apologized for this;

3. My self-esteem took a major hit because of 1 and 2 above.

4. I had three years with my daughter that were really invaluable, she is really amazing.

I am a SAHM but actually found #2 to be true of me with my DH when he had been fully WFH. I basically only saw him in sweats and he rarely left the house, it was a huge turn off. I tried to subtly tell him this and he got the hint and start going into the office much more.
I try to keep this in mind myself though and get dressed (still comfortable but not sloppy)/do some makeup almost every day. I feel better about myself too.

Why not go to the gym everyday like Equinox or Lifetime Athletic?

[Anonymous]

lol. All of these woman so terrified at the idea that stay at home dads will become a ting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol. All of these woman so terrified at the idea that stay at home dads will become a ting.

How did you reach this takeaway from the content in this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest issue is that every one assumes the person is a SAHD because they have mental or physical issues and can’t work. Even the PP construction dad quit because of a bad back not because he made far less in his blue collar job.

It can be hard for kids; around here having a SAHD makes you “that” family, and the SAHD will be excluded from the SAHM scene and play dates. This can set kids up for isolation.

Not my experience. My kid has so many play date requests that we have to turn people down. These assumptions are either in your mind or due to the people you choose to associate with.

Where do you live?

MoCo.

[Anonymous]

According to Facebook, one of my old high school friends husbands is a stay-at-home dad. She's a professor and they have two school-age kids. I think he sold real estate before staying home and as far as I can tell he just hangs out at a hockey rink all day. His kids are pretty big into skating.

[Anonymous]

Well ambitious women want stay at home spouses. Its a good trend. We've witnessed careers of ambitious men benefiting from having wives who took care of everything. Why can't women have that?

[Anonymous]

LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to Facebook, one of my old high school friends husbands is a stay-at-home dad. She's a professor and they have two school-age kids. I think he sold real estate before staying home and as far as I can tell he just hangs out at a hockey rink all day. His kids are pretty big into skating.

So he is driving the kids to the skating rink? Wow what a horrible person. If only the mother had stayed home. She would be much better at it! It is just so hard to be a SAHM.