Stay at home dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

Fair point. She and kids also benefit but ambitious and driven man gets to climb all the ladders he wants to climb because he doesn't have to worry about anything else. His peer woman won't have that privilege, she'll be stretched to the max between home and office, neither would his male peers who have ambitious wives demanding equal responsibility towards home, parents and kids. He won't be able to travel at whim or play golf/have drinks with partners on weekends.

[Anonymous]

If ambitious men and women are opting for stay at home or spouses with part time/flexible jobs, they must be seeing some benefit for themselves and for their children.

[Anonymous]

I doubt many couples think of who'll win the bread and who'll hold the fort, they just pick what works best for everyone's sanity when kids come into the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

Being a stay at home parent is a thankless job, not everyone gets a mansion, maid and nanny. Not every ambitious man/woman earns a fortune, at least not in first decade of work when these things are needed the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who was a SAHD for three years until we sent our kid off to kindergarten. I am only one data point, but here are my general observations:

1. It is super lonely. I was out of the work force and my social interactions took a nose-dive. SAHMs at my kid's activities treated me like a weird interloper;

2. My wife's interest in me sexually declined, I went from well-dressed guy going to work with interesting things to talk about to guy in sweatpants taking care of a baby and running errands all day. The bedroom rebounded almost immediately after I went back to work, my wife later apologized for this;

3. My self-esteem took a major hit because of 1 and 2 above.

4. I had three years with my daughter that were really invaluable, she is really amazing.

I am a SAHM but actually found #2 to be true of me with my DH when he had been fully WFH. I basically only saw him in sweats and he rarely left the house, it was a huge turn off. I tried to subtly tell him this and he got the hint and start going into the office much more.
I try to keep this in mind myself though and get dressed (still comfortable but not sloppy)/do some makeup almost every day. I feel better about myself too.

Why not go to the gym everyday like Equinox or Lifetime Athletic?

Not sure what this has to do with anything- my kids are very young so I strap them into the stroller to get my exercise. There is no one to watch them if I were to go to the gym and I don't like the idea of leaving my infant in a gym daycare. I've offered the idea to my DH so he could exercise but he doesn't want to wake up earlier to do that and already works long hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

Being a stay at home parent is a thankless job, not everyone gets a mansion, maid and nanny. Not every ambitious man/woman earns a fortune, at least not in first decade of work when these things are needed the most.

+1, being a SAHP when you don't have a high income is hard work because you are often working very hard to keep the family on budget, too. Lots of SAHPs are full financial partners and offer more value at home than they would in even a decent paying office job. If a person making 70-90k working full time with a commute can instead eliminate the need for a nanny or FT daycare for multiple kids, keep the house clean, do most of the grocery shopping and meal prep, and will also be the primary parent on top of that (managing schools, clothes, doctors and dentists visits, take the lead on everything from toilet training to diet to friendship issues and activities), you're talking about way, way more value to the family than an extra 80k, especially if there are young kids because most of the take home from the 80k will be eaten up by childcare costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who was a SAHD for three years until we sent our kid off to kindergarten. I am only one data point, but here are my general observations:

1. It is super lonely. I was out of the work force and my social interactions took a nose-dive. SAHMs at my kid's activities treated me like a weird interloper;

2. My wife's interest in me sexually declined, I went from well-dressed guy going to work with interesting things to talk about to guy in sweatpants taking care of a baby and running errands all day. The bedroom rebounded almost immediately after I went back to work, my wife later apologized for this;

3. My self-esteem took a major hit because of 1 and 2 above.

4. I had three years with my daughter that were really invaluable, she is really amazing.

I am a SAHM but actually found #2 to be true of me with my DH when he had been fully WFH. I basically only saw him in sweats and he rarely left the house, it was a huge turn off. I tried to subtly tell him this and he got the hint and start going into the office much more.
I try to keep this in mind myself though and get dressed (still comfortable but not sloppy)/do some makeup almost every day. I feel better about myself too.

Why not go to the gym everyday like Equinox or Lifetime Athletic?

Not sure what this has to do with anything- my kids are very young so I strap them into the stroller to get my exercise. There is no one to watch them if I were to go to the gym and I don't like the idea of leaving my infant in a gym daycare. I've offered the idea to my DH so he could exercise but he doesn't want to wake up earlier to do that and already works long hours.

You can always have a babysitter come over to your house and watch your kids for three hours everyday so that you can work out at the gym. It is not that difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

Being a stay at home parent is a thankless job, not everyone gets a mansion, maid and nanny. Not every ambitious man/woman earns a fortune, at least not in first decade of work when these things are needed the most.

+1, being a SAHP when you don't have a high income is hard work because you are often working very hard to keep the family on budget, too. Lots of SAHPs are full financial partners and offer more value at home than they would in even a decent paying office job. If a person making 70-90k working full time with a commute can instead eliminate the need for a nanny or FT daycare for multiple kids, keep the house clean, do most of the grocery shopping and meal prep, and will also be the primary parent on top of that (managing schools, clothes, doctors and dentists visits, take the lead on everything from toilet training to diet to friendship issues and activities), you're talking about way, way more value to the family than an extra 80k, especially if there are young kids because most of the take home from the 80k will be eaten up by childcare costs.

The solution is a very simple one: Find a very high earning spouse. That's what I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who was a SAHD for three years until we sent our kid off to kindergarten. I am only one data point, but here are my general observations:

1. It is super lonely. I was out of the work force and my social interactions took a nose-dive. SAHMs at my kid's activities treated me like a weird interloper;

2. My wife's interest in me sexually declined, I went from well-dressed guy going to work with interesting things to talk about to guy in sweatpants taking care of a baby and running errands all day. The bedroom rebounded almost immediately after I went back to work, my wife later apologized for this;

3. My self-esteem took a major hit because of 1 and 2 above.

4. I had three years with my daughter that were really invaluable, she is really amazing.

I am a SAHM but actually found #2 to be true of me with my DH when he had been fully WFH. I basically only saw him in sweats and he rarely left the house, it was a huge turn off. I tried to subtly tell him this and he got the hint and start going into the office much more.
I try to keep this in mind myself though and get dressed (still comfortable but not sloppy)/do some makeup almost every day. I feel better about myself too.

Why not go to the gym everyday like Equinox or Lifetime Athletic?

Not sure what this has to do with anything- my kids are very young so I strap them into the stroller to get my exercise. There is no one to watch them if I were to go to the gym and I don't like the idea of leaving my infant in a gym daycare. I've offered the idea to my DH so he could exercise but he doesn't want to wake up earlier to do that and already works long hours.

You can always have a babysitter come over to your house and watch your kids for three hours everyday so that you can work out at the gym. It is not that difficult.

What? Is this what SAHDs do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not go to the gym everyday like Equinox or Lifetime Athletic?

Not sure what this has to do with anything- my kids are very young so I strap them into the stroller to get my exercise. There is no one to watch them if I were to go to the gym and I don't like the idea of leaving my infant in a gym daycare. I've offered the idea to my DH so he could exercise but he doesn't want to wake up earlier to do that and already works long hours.

You can always have a babysitter come over to your house and watch your kids for three hours everyday so that you can work out at the gym. It is not that difficult.

What? Is this what SAHDs do?

I can't speak for anyone else but yes, I do that everyday.  Babysitter comes over at 9am so that I can go to Equinox to put in my three hours workout there.  I come back home at 12pm.  DW doesn't have any issues with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

Both parties CAN benefit from the arrangement depending on their personal goals. I work, and I would love to have a SAH spouse to take care of the house stuff. On the other hand, I have been a SAHM and resented the heck out of my husband's busy career that made it difficult for me to pursue my own once we had kids. Now, we are just drowning with both of us working. He should have married a dumb flit who wanted to eat bon bons all day, and I should have married someone who aspired to be a strictly 40 hour a week government employee with lots of flexibility. Instead we both lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well ambitious women want stay at home spouses. Its a good trend. We've witnessed careers of ambitious men benefiting from having wives who took care of everything. Why can't women have that?

lmao this isn’t true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the idea ambitious men benefit from having stay at home spouses.

Its a sacrifice and should be valued and respected.

LOL it is the stay at home wife who benefits from being married to some rich guy. She gets to live in his mansion and spend his money, what a sacrifice. She will whine and wheedle until he hires maids and nannies to do her job for her. Much sacrifice! So brave! Oh but wait she gave up her crappy cubicle job to do that, what a trooper! No wonder it's so hard to find women who want to sign up to be married to a rich guy.

Being a stay at home parent is a thankless job, not everyone gets a mansion, maid and nanny. Not every ambitious man/woman earns a fortune, at least not in first decade of work when these things are needed the most.

If you didn't pick the right ambitious man who has the money to afford a stay at home wife, that's on you.

[Anonymous]

Its tough being a two career family and its tough being one career family, just in different ways. However, until kids start full time KG, its beneficial for them to be raised by a loving parent than a paid caretaker. There is no real benefit for the parent risking their career to become a full time parent. Its much easier to do part time parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its tough being a two career family and its tough being one career family, just in different ways. However, until kids start full time KG, its beneficial for them to be raised by a loving parent than a paid caretaker. There is no real benefit for the parent risking their career to become a full time parent. Its much easier to do part time parenting.

All parents are “full time parents”