Help me write text to volatile siblings

[Anonymous]

Here’s the text. “We are not available for visits or get togethers at this time.”

That’s it. Stop with the explanation. I don’t agree with your covid rationale and checked the dates to see if this was an old post bumped. But still, you have the right to your boundaries and not see people you don’t want to see. You don’t have to give a reason. You think they are unreasonable. They think the same about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the text. “We are not available for visits or get togethers at this time.”

That’s it. Stop with the explanation. I don’t agree with your covid rationale and checked the dates to see if this was an old post bumped. But still, you have the right to your boundaries and not see people you don’t want to see. You don’t have to give a reason. You think they are unreasonable. They think the same about you.

+1. And any explanation you give will sound irrational.

I consider myself more conservative than average with covid precautions, but it's a totally different risk profile now in 2022 than it was in 2020/21. I know MANY vaccinated and boostered people who have gotten Covid, including my own child. Your relatives have a marginally higher risk of spreading Covid to you than anyone else at this point. Also I don't know where you are, but covid transmission rates are very low, and hospitalization rates are extremely low.

I think either you just don't want to hang out with them for your own personal reasons, or you suffer from anxiety which clouds judgment. I have friends who suffer from anxiety, and I never understood their decision making around covid precautions. Like refusing to step into a store for several years, being very strict about playdates, and sanitizing everything every 2 minutes, but then throwing a big indoor party for their child which ended up being a covid super-spreader event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using words like “momming.”

Stop with the “Is that going to work for you?” It’s mealy-mouthed. I’m not sure why you’re trying to manage people you say don’t care about you.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

Not OP, but many of us (including me) are not doing these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, for a very long time, I was one of the most COVID-cautious and COVID-anxious people I know. And honestly, it’s crazy to me that your kids are in *daycare and school* and you are acting like that’s OK and acceptable risk, but seeing family is not. Come on. That makes absolutely no logical sense. You’re telling me your kid could very well be sitting next to an unvaccinated kid all day at school, and somehow that’s different than if they were sitting next to an unvaccinated cousin building a Lego set?

FWIW, my kids go to preschool and private school, and everyone has to be vaccinated at both.

LOL! And no activities anywhere? And you are buying this BS?

This is BS. What preschool can mandate vaccines for 5 year olds and below when only 6% of kids in that age group are vaccinated? Only 4 out of 10 children in the age group 5 to 11 are vaccinated. She is full of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My siblings want to come visit. We haven’t seen them in probably 2 years. They are anti-vax. I have a health condition and young children (who are now vaccinated but weren’t before there were vaccines for kids, obviously). My kids are in daycare and public school. But we are still very cautious because of my health. When I get covid (and I know it’s a when), it’s likely to sideline me for quite a while, which will be very hard on our family. I am both the primary earner and do all the momming (because I’m the mom). I haven’t talked to my siblings about anything related to covid in two years but I know from earlier conversations that they aren’t vaccinated and aren’t willing to mask around us or limit their activities before they see us or anything, which has made me unwilling to see them. They have also lied to other family members about their vaccination status and other details, so I don’t trust them. They want to come up here to visit because they want to see the kids, which is nice of them, I guess. I’m not prepared to tell them they can’t come, because that would be the end of our family relationship. I assume they know they can’t stay with us? I need to write a text that says, “it’s so nice that you want to come see the kids. We are still being very cautious, so we will need to keep the visit outside. Is that going to work for you?” What’s the best way to phrase this so that I don’t piss them off but also so that they don’t come up here thinking they can just railroad us into an indoor unmasked visit by saying covid is over for the rest of the world etc etc? I realize that. It’s not over for me. They don’t care.

Are you kidding? You are engaging in high-risk behaviors and criticizing them. The vaccine will not stop transmission, just help with symptoms so it is important that you are vaccinated not them. Stop pretending you are cautious when you are not. Cautious is working at home, kids in virtual, and not doing anything indoors outside grocery shopping or what is absolutely necessary. Just tell them you are not interested in them visiting and be done with it.

+1

Stop using Covid as an excuse for not seeing family. Seriously just f-ing stop. If you don't want to see them then be an adult and be upfront.

The vaccine does not stop transmission. My entire family is vaxed and guess where we got Covid.. from out kid who got it from school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

A) I definitely don’t eat inside or travel! And I rarely go into stores.
B) It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

And no, they won’t test before they come. Because we’re all sheep and microchips and blah blah blah.

Ok so you just hate your siblings and don't want to see them. Nothing wrong with that. Just be upfront and tell them.

[Anonymous]

1) Clearly, you can't stand your siblings and don't want to spend time with them. Stop using COVID as an excuse. It is worst than just being upfront and going NC.
2) Thanks to vaccines, boosters, and proven and tested treatments such as Paxlovid and Infusions, COVID is no longer a death sentence to those with a weak immune system or those with medical conditions. Unless your doctor specifically tells you to live in a plastic bubble, you should be able to resume life for yourself and your family. If you are vaccinated and boosted and receive proper care, you could also experience mild symptoms, and you could very well realize that you carried all this anxiety and fear unnecessarily. Think of how much you and your children are missing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

Not OP, but many of us (including me) are not doing these things.

Are there really that many people still not doing these things? Gosh even my ultra cautious mom is eating indoors and traveling again.

I'm not going to try to convince anyone to exceed their comfort level - but I'm just surprised! Is your spouse (if there is a spouse!) that cautious still too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

Not OP, but many of us (including me) are not doing these things.

Are there really that many people still not doing these things? Gosh even my ultra cautious mom is eating indoors and traveling again.

I'm not going to try to convince anyone to exceed their comfort level - but I'm just surprised! Is your spouse (if there is a spouse!) that cautious still too?

Your mom isn't ultra-cautious if she is traveling and eating indoors. We don't do those things but we also don't do the same things OP is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1) Clearly, you can't stand your siblings and don't want to spend time with them. Stop using COVID as an excuse. It is worst than just being upfront and going NC.
2) Thanks to vaccines, boosters, and proven and tested treatments such as Paxlovid and Infusions, COVID is no longer a death sentence to those with a weak immune system or those with medical conditions. Unless your doctor specifically tells you to live in a plastic bubble, you should be able to resume life for yourself and your family. If you are vaccinated and boosted and receive proper care, you could also experience mild symptoms, and you could very well realize that you carried all this anxiety and fear unnecessarily. Think of how much you and your children are missing.

Not everyone has quick and easy access to treatments. I was denied them. It's not about being a death sentence but you don't seem to get that. However, OP isn't being careful so no reason not to have the visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

They likely have better immunity than many vaccinated people who never got covid. You hate them and that's ok. But, don't be a hypocrite!

Nope. You are misinformed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

A) I definitely don’t eat inside or travel! And I rarely go into stores.
B) It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

And no, they won’t test before they come. Because we’re all sheep and microchips and blah blah blah.

Ok so you just hate your siblings and don't want to see them. Nothing wrong with that. Just be upfront and tell them.

They can see her kids. Just get vaccinated, and prove it. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

Not OP, but many of us (including me) are not doing these things.

Are there really that many people still not doing these things? Gosh even my ultra cautious mom is eating indoors and traveling again.

I'm not going to try to convince anyone to exceed their comfort level - but I'm just surprised! Is your spouse (if there is a spouse!) that cautious still too?

Yes, there are. Indoors only as needed. Doing things outdoors. Will never understand the desperate need to eat in indoor restaurants.

You don’t think we exist because the “we just neeed to liiiive our liiiiiives” faction is louder and never shuts up about it.

[Anonymous]

Any update OP?