Help me write text to volatile siblings

[Anonymous]

My siblings want to come visit. We haven’t seen them in probably 2 years. They are anti-vax. I have a health condition and young children (who are now vaccinated but weren’t before there were vaccines for kids, obviously). My kids are in daycare and public school. But we are still very cautious because of my health. When I get covid (and I know it’s a when), it’s likely to sideline me for quite a while, which will be very hard on our family. I am both the primary earner and do all the momming (because I’m the mom). I haven’t talked to my siblings about anything related to covid in two years but I know from earlier conversations that they aren’t vaccinated and aren’t willing to mask around us or limit their activities before they see us or anything, which has made me unwilling to see them. They have also lied to other family members about their vaccination status and other details, so I don’t trust them. They want to come up here to visit because they want to see the kids, which is nice of them, I guess. I’m not prepared to tell them they can’t come, because that would be the end of our family relationship. I assume they know they can’t stay with us? I need to write a text that says, “it’s so nice that you want to come see the kids. We are still being very cautious, so we will need to keep the visit outside. Is that going to work for you?” What’s the best way to phrase this so that I don’t piss them off but also so that they don’t come up here thinking they can just railroad us into an indoor unmasked visit by saying covid is over for the rest of the world etc etc? I realize that. It’s not over for me. They don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Put your quoted words into a text. Say exactly that. There is absolutely nothing offensive or upsetting in what you wrote. If they respond with criticisms, defensiveness or rudeness, it's because they are dysfunctional. You have every right to protect your health.

[Anonymous]

It's so nice that you want to come see the kids! Due to my bionic heart my doctor wants me to only socialize outdoors. There's a great park with a playground in Dawson's Creek, and there's a nice hotel called Jenny's Granny near there. We're happy to bring lunch. Which weekend were you thinking of coming down?"

Don't ask if it works for them. This is the only option. THIS IS YOUR HEALTH. It's non-negotiable.

[Anonymous]

Please stop using words like “momming.”

Stop with the “Is that going to work for you?” It’s mealy-mouthed. I’m not sure why you’re trying to manage people you say don’t care about you.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using words like “momming.”

Stop with the “Is that going to work for you?” It’s mealy-mouthed. I’m not sure why you’re trying to manage people you say don’t care about you.

You could be one of her siblings! You are harsh, rude and uncaring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using words like “momming.”

Stop with the “Is that going to work for you?” It’s mealy-mouthed. I’m not sure why you’re trying to manage people you say don’t care about you.

WTF does mealy-mouthed mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using words like “momming.”

Stop with the “Is that going to work for you?” It’s mealy-mouthed. I’m not sure why you’re trying to manage people you say don’t care about you.

You could be one of her siblings! You are harsh, rude and uncaring.

Actually I’m quite the opposite. Clear is kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using words like “momming.”

Stop with the “Is that going to work for you?” It’s mealy-mouthed. I’m not sure why you’re trying to manage people you say don’t care about you.

WTF does mealy-mouthed mean?

Look it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

A) I definitely don’t eat inside or travel! And I rarely go into stores.
B) It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

And no, they won’t test before they come. Because we’re all sheep and microchips and blah blah blah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My siblings want to come visit. We haven’t seen them in probably 2 years. They are anti-vax. I have a health condition and young children (who are now vaccinated but weren’t before there were vaccines for kids, obviously). My kids are in daycare and public school. But we are still very cautious because of my health. When I get covid (and I know it’s a when), it’s likely to sideline me for quite a while, which will be very hard on our family. I am both the primary earner and do all the momming (because I’m the mom). I haven’t talked to my siblings about anything related to covid in two years but I know from earlier conversations that they aren’t vaccinated and aren’t willing to mask around us or limit their activities before they see us or anything, which has made me unwilling to see them. They have also lied to other family members about their vaccination status and other details, so I don’t trust them. They want to come up here to visit because they want to see the kids, which is nice of them, I guess. I’m not prepared to tell them they can’t come, because that would be the end of our family relationship. I assume they know they can’t stay with us? I need to write a text that says, “it’s so nice that you want to come see the kids. We are still being very cautious, so we will need to keep the visit outside. Is that going to work for you?” What’s the best way to phrase this so that I don’t piss them off but also so that they don’t come up here thinking they can just railroad us into an indoor unmasked visit by saying covid is over for the rest of the world etc etc? I realize that. It’s not over for me. They don’t care.

Are you kidding? You are engaging in high-risk behaviors and criticizing them. The vaccine will not stop transmission, just help with symptoms so it is important that you are vaccinated not them. Stop pretending you are cautious when you are not. Cautious is working at home, kids in virtual, and not doing anything indoors outside grocery shopping or what is absolutely necessary. Just tell them you are not interested in them visiting and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

A) I definitely don’t eat inside or travel! And I rarely go into stores.
B) It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

And no, they won’t test before they come. Because we’re all sheep and microchips and blah blah blah.

Stop pretending. It doesn't matter where you catch it. Most at schools aren't masking so you are just putting on a show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

A) I definitely don’t eat inside or travel! And I rarely go into stores.
B) It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

And no, they won’t test before they come. Because we’re all sheep and microchips and blah blah blah.

Ugh, I am - again - really sorry your sibs are... like that. I have a friend whose dad is like that and it's destroyed their relationship. It will never not be insane to me how the politics of this virus has shaken out.

I think the PPs have given you the right suggestions. Just tell them that you're still being ultra cautious about COVID, aren't looking for a debate about it, and would love to meet them outside. Then show up in a full body condom and be like, "I TOLD YOU I AM BEING CAUTIOUS!" (I'm just joking about that part but it probably would be pretty fun to do that.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using words like “momming.”

Stop with the “Is that going to work for you?” It’s mealy-mouthed. I’m not sure why you’re trying to manage people you say don’t care about you.

WTF does mealy-mouthed mean?

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

A) I definitely don’t eat inside or travel! And I rarely go into stores.
B) It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

And no, they won’t test before they come. Because we’re all sheep and microchips and blah blah blah.

You do you, but this is completely irrational.