Help me write text to volatile siblings

[Anonymous]

OP, for a very long time, I was one of the most COVID-cautious and COVID-anxious people I know. And honestly, it’s crazy to me that your kids are in *daycare and school* and you are acting like that’s OK and acceptable risk, but seeing family is not. Come on. That makes absolutely no logical sense. You’re telling me your kid could very well be sitting next to an unvaccinated kid all day at school, and somehow that’s different than if they were sitting next to an unvaccinated cousin building a Lego set?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, for a very long time, I was one of the most COVID-cautious and COVID-anxious people I know. And honestly, it’s crazy to me that your kids are in *daycare and school* and you are acting like that’s OK and acceptable risk, but seeing family is not. Come on. That makes absolutely no logical sense. You’re telling me your kid could very well be sitting next to an unvaccinated kid all day at school, and somehow that’s different than if they were sitting next to an unvaccinated cousin building a Lego set?

FWIW, my kids go to preschool and private school, and everyone has to be vaccinated at both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

A) I definitely don’t eat inside or travel! And I rarely go into stores.
B) It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

And no, they won’t test before they come. Because we’re all sheep and microchips and blah blah blah.

You do you, but this is completely irrational.

+1. Are you a better person for catching it from your kids than your siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you've been put in this position. I guess my only counter would be that if you are eating inside, shopping in person, traveling at all, etc, you are probably sharing air with unvaccinated people every day.

So then you have to decide if you want to lay down the law this time, with these people - which makes it start seeming personal instead of a general rule.

But maybe you're not doing any of those things and you really do have a rule about not being indoors with anyone whose vax status isn't determined.

Would you be ok if they test right before they see you? Or at your house? Is this about setting emotional boundaries as much as health related ones?

A) I definitely don’t eat inside or travel! And I rarely go into stores.
B) It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

And no, they won’t test before they come. Because we’re all sheep and microchips and blah blah blah.

You are also as irrational as your siblings, as they are at the far end of spectrum of carelessness, you are at the other extreme. Mathematically speaking there is more of a probability that you won’t get COVID from your siblings you are seeing once versus your daily exposure to your personal, husband and children’s activities. I can tell you also dont give a $#it about your siblings either, who are making an effort to continue to be part of your children. You are willing to damage the relationship to virtue signal how COVID conscious you are versus all the ´estoopid unvaxxed’

I like you have all shots and have follow all masks procedures, as my children, but understand some members of my family have a different point of view, their closeness means more to me than a 0.x chance to catch COVID.

Some people like you thrive on feeling special when so many people with actual immunocompromised illnesses continue to live life without subjugating others around them. I feel really sorry for your children,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, for a very long time, I was one of the most COVID-cautious and COVID-anxious people I know. And honestly, it’s crazy to me that your kids are in *daycare and school* and you are acting like that’s OK and acceptable risk, but seeing family is not. Come on. That makes absolutely no logical sense. You’re telling me your kid could very well be sitting next to an unvaccinated kid all day at school, and somehow that’s different than if they were sitting next to an unvaccinated cousin building a Lego set?

FWIW, my kids go to preschool and private school, and everyone has to be vaccinated at both.

…and must the people the other kids live with also be vaccinated?

“ Some fully vaccinated people will still get COVID-19 if they are exposed to the virus that causes COVID-19. These are called vaccine breakthrough infections.”

https://www.mayoclinic.org/coronavirus-covid-19/fully-vaccinated

It’s fine not to see these people or to not offer to host these people, but you really don’t have a health-related leg to stand on if your kids are in daycare/school. Do you and/or DH work? Do you go grocery shopping? Are you dining indoors?

[Anonymous]

It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

OP, I get this. I figure if I get it in the course of my kids doing their schooling, that's an acceptable risk. Other risks (like dining indoors with unvaccinated family) seem less worth the risk. And the calculus changes; we recently locked down except for school because my partner had a medical procedure planned that he couldn't miss. Since you fear a lengthy illness when you get covid, I think you can do whatever risk management you see fit. People don't have to understand it, they just have to accept your limits (or skip the visit).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, for a very long time, I was one of the most COVID-cautious and COVID-anxious people I know. And honestly, it’s crazy to me that your kids are in *daycare and school* and you are acting like that’s OK and acceptable risk, but seeing family is not. Come on. That makes absolutely no logical sense. You’re telling me your kid could very well be sitting next to an unvaccinated kid all day at school, and somehow that’s different than if they were sitting next to an unvaccinated cousin building a Lego set?

FWIW, my kids go to preschool and private school, and everyone has to be vaccinated at both.

Vaccinations don't stop transmission. Stop pretending you are careful. We are careful. Kids are in virtual school still. It's ok you don't want to see them. Just say so. Don't hide behind vaccines when many are not boosted or vaccinated and you are seeing those people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, for a very long time, I was one of the most COVID-cautious and COVID-anxious people I know. And honestly, it’s crazy to me that your kids are in *daycare and school* and you are acting like that’s OK and acceptable risk, but seeing family is not. Come on. That makes absolutely no logical sense. You’re telling me your kid could very well be sitting next to an unvaccinated kid all day at school, and somehow that’s different than if they were sitting next to an unvaccinated cousin building a Lego set?

FWIW, my kids go to preschool and private school, and everyone has to be vaccinated at both.

…and must the people the other kids live with also be vaccinated?

“ Some fully vaccinated people will still get COVID-19 if they are exposed to the virus that causes COVID-19. These are called vaccine breakthrough infections.”

https://www.mayoclinic.org/coronavirus-covid-19/fully-vaccinated

It’s fine not to see these people or to not offer to host these people, but you really don’t have a health-related leg to stand on if your kids are in daycare/school. Do you and/or DH work? Do you go grocery shopping? Are you dining indoors?

DH and I work from home. We get groceries delivered, and only dine at places that have outdoor seating. We are REALLY careful. And I got Covid in July and nearly had to call 911, and I am certain had I not been vaccinated and boosted I'd have wound up in the hospital. I agree OP is ridiculous to care WHO she gets Covid from. She should just get as boosted as possible, and wear a mask any time inside a public space.

[Anonymous]

In addition to the risk:reward calculation, there’s a benefit to delaying as long as possible so there might be better treatments when we do get it

[Anonymous]

So the extent of your cautiousness is just not seeing your siblings? Mkay. You sound nuts. But go on and send the text so your siblings will know how crazy you have become.

[Anonymous]

You want to have it all your way. You want:
—to deny them a visit unless they are masked & vaxxed
—not come off as unreasonable and possible piss them off

Pick one. You only get to pick one.

[Anonymous]

At this point the lack of vaccination is more of a threat to them than you. They will suffer greater effects if they catch it. Bazillions of vaccinated people have been running around transmitting it so that's no consolation. I think the best thing you can do is appeal to them to only come if they are feeling good because you really do not want to be sidelined with covid given your health. Hopefully they will be considerate. And even then, keep your physical distance for prolonged periods whenever possible and you can decline any indoor dining/entertainment as something your family doesn't do.

[Anonymous]

Caring about where you get it is weird. It sounds like you want some kind of vintage extra-dry COVID.

Saying that there are things worth taking the risk for and things that are not is a whole other story. And true.

I would say “We can’t host but would be glad to meet up at [park]. Would Sat at 10 am work?”

[Anonymous]

PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Caring about where you get it is weird. It sounds like you want some kind of vintage extra-dry COVID.

Saying that there are things worth taking the risk for and things that are not is a whole other story. And true.

I would say “We can’t host but would be glad to meet up at [park]. Would Sat at 10 am work?”

This is OP. A lot of those other posts that sound like they could be me aren’t. What I mean by “I care where I get it” is exactly what you said — that there are some activities that are worth taking a risk and some that are not. I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek but I guess that doesn’t translate on DCUM!

This has been very helpful. There’s no way to say, “seeing you is not worth any risk to me” without hurting someone’s feelings. And they react explosively when their feelings are hurt. So I need to decide what I want to do from here.