Help me write text to volatile siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Caring about where you get it is weird. It sounds like you want some kind of vintage extra-dry COVID.

Saying that there are things worth taking the risk for and things that are not is a whole other story. And true.

I would say “We can’t host but would be glad to meet up at [park]. Would Sat at 10 am work?”

This is OP. A lot of those other posts that sound like they could be me aren’t. What I mean by “I care where I get it” is exactly what you said — that there are some activities that are worth taking a risk and some that are not. I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek but I guess that doesn’t translate on DCUM!

This has been very helpful. There’s no way to say, “seeing you is not worth any risk to me” without hurting someone’s feelings. And they react explosively when their feelings are hurt. So I need to decide what I want to do from here.

Don't let their adult tantrums manipulate you. Hold your ground. Outdoors only and they cannot stay with you. Don't like it? Don't come. Their willfully ignorant choices have consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

You are the problem and create drama when it's not there. Vaccines help with your symptoms not transmission. Many of the kids your kids go to school with aren't vaccinated. Grow up. If you don't want to see them say so but don't pretend its covid related when you aren't careful at all. You are selfish.

You are impressively wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

You are the problem and create drama when it's not there. Vaccines help with your symptoms not transmission. Many of the kids your kids go to school with aren't vaccinated. Grow up. If you don't want to see them say so but don't pretend its covid related when you aren't careful at all. You are selfish.

You are impressively wrong.

OP isn't being careful at all. She doesn't want to see family and using covid as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

You are the problem and create drama when it's not there. Vaccines help with your symptoms not transmission. [b]Many of the kids your kids go to school with aren't vaccinated. Grow up. If you don't want to see them say so but don't pretend its covid related when you aren't careful at all. You are selfish.

And you also apparently can't read. OP clearly stated that her kids' nonpublic schools require students to be vaccinated. Try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From your own description, it sounds like your reluctance to see them has more to do with your disdain for their position about covid & vaccines than it does with fear of catching COVID from them.

Vaccination does NOT prevent transmission.

And since they had COVID, they have immunological protection, which several studies have shown to offer superior protection to vaccination. If you understand how vaccines work, this should be clear. So please stop with the "they aren't vaccinated."

Please think hard about what the real issue is. If you don't want to see them, tell them you're busy and can't. I don't see any way this visit would go well knowing how you feel about them.

Nope. People are getting COVID again within 4-6 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, for a very long time, I was one of the most COVID-cautious and COVID-anxious people I know. And honestly, it’s crazy to me that your kids are in *daycare and school* and you are acting like that’s OK and acceptable risk, but seeing family is not. Come on. That makes absolutely no logical sense. You’re telling me your kid could very well be sitting next to an unvaccinated kid all day at school, and somehow that’s different than if they were sitting next to an unvaccinated cousin building a Lego set?

FWIW, my kids go to preschool and private school, and everyone has to be vaccinated at both.

…and must the people the other kids live with also be vaccinated?

“ Some fully vaccinated people will still get COVID-19 if they are exposed to the virus that causes COVID-19. These are called vaccine breakthrough infections.”

https://www.mayoclinic.org/coronavirus-covid-19/fully-vaccinated

It’s fine not to see these people or to not offer to host these people, but you really don’t have a health-related leg to stand on if your kids are in daycare/school. Do you and/or DH work? Do you go grocery shopping? Are you dining indoors?

DH and I work from home. We get groceries delivered, and only dine at places that have outdoor seating. We are REALLY careful. And I got Covid in July and nearly had to call 911, and I am certain had I not been vaccinated and boosted I'd have wound up in the hospital. I agree OP is ridiculous to care WHO she gets Covid from. She should just get as boosted as possible, and wear a mask any time inside a public space.

You clearly got it from somewhere and you can get it from being outside as we did. Its impossible to say if you would have been much worse off. My spouse was much longer/harder hit and they were boosted. I had two shots and wasn't boosted and it sucked but wasn't anything worse than a bad cold. Our not boosted teens barely had it. We have been in lockdown for several years and the only place the kids had been was an outdoor activity. I hadn't left the house in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

You are the problem and create drama when it's not there. Vaccines help with your symptoms not transmission. [b]Many of the kids your kids go to school with aren't vaccinated. Grow up. If you don't want to see them say so but don't pretend its covid related when you aren't careful at all. You are selfish.

And you also apparently can't read. OP clearly stated that her kids' nonpublic schools require students to be vaccinated. Try again.

Vaccines are not stopping transmission and you can always get an exemption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

You are the problem and create drama when it's not there. Vaccines help with your symptoms not transmission. [b]Many of the kids your kids go to school with aren't vaccinated. Grow up. If you don't want to see them say so but don't pretend its covid related when you aren't careful at all. You are selfish.

And you also apparently can't read. OP clearly stated that her kids' nonpublic schools require students to be vaccinated. Try again.

But are the kids wearing masks constantly? Of course not. Does OP have any clue what the classmates do outside of school or who they see and what they are exposing her kids to every day? Of course not. She just doesn’t like her siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

You are the problem and create drama when it's not there. Vaccines help with your symptoms not transmission. Many of the kids your kids go to school with aren't vaccinated. Grow up. If you don't want to see them say so but don't pretend its covid related when you aren't careful at all. You are selfish.

You are impressively wrong.

OP isn't being careful at all. She doesn't want to see family and using covid as an excuse.

+1. I can understand not wanting to see them, and even having a big driver of that desire not to see them be their overall COVID stupidity. But at this point in the game—with vaccines available to OP and her family, and her kids going to school—she has to own what the real desire not to see them is. You can’t blame COVID or hide behind it forever. At some point, you have to own your real reasons and motivations for avoiding people/not doing things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

You are the problem and create drama when it's not there. Vaccines help with your symptoms not transmission. [b]Many of the kids your kids go to school with aren't vaccinated. Grow up. If you don't want to see them say so but don't pretend its covid related when you aren't careful at all. You are selfish.

And you also apparently can't read. OP clearly stated that her kids' nonpublic schools require students to be vaccinated. Try again.

NP. You “try again”; I linked to a Mayo Clinic article that explains that vaccinated people can still get COVID, and they can still transmit COVID. And I made the point: do schools/daycare require every member of the students’ families to be vaccinated, too?

OP even admits to dining out. Even “outdoors only” dining out is taking a risk. Restaurants don’t require proof of vaccination, last time I checked. OP is justified in not seeing these people ever again for any reason, but she can’t use COVID risk as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

You are the problem and create drama when it's not there. Vaccines help with your symptoms not transmission. [b]Many of the kids your kids go to school with aren't vaccinated. Grow up. If you don't want to see them say so but don't pretend its covid related when you aren't careful at all. You are selfish.

And you also apparently can't read. OP clearly stated that her kids' nonpublic schools require students to be vaccinated. Try again.

The original post says “My kids are in daycare and public school.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using words like “momming.”

Stop with the “Is that going to work for you?” It’s mealy-mouthed. I’m not sure why you’re trying to manage people you say don’t care about you.

You could be one of her siblings! You are harsh, rude and uncaring.

Actually I’m quite the opposite. Clear is kind.

Clear can also be empathetic and not nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Caring about where you get it is weird. It sounds like you want some kind of vintage extra-dry COVID.

Saying that there are things worth taking the risk for and things that are not is a whole other story. And true.

I would say “We can’t host but would be glad to meet up at [park]. Would Sat at 10 am work?”

This is OP. A lot of those other posts that sound like they could be me aren’t. What I mean by “I care where I get it” is exactly what you said — that there are some activities that are worth taking a risk and some that are not. I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek but I guess that doesn’t translate on DCUM!

This has been very helpful. There’s no way to say, “seeing you is not worth any risk to me” without hurting someone’s feelings. And they react explosively when their feelings are hurt. So I need to decide what I want to do from here.

Don't let their adult tantrums manipulate you. Hold your ground. Outdoors only and they cannot stay with you. Don't like it? Don't come. Their willfully ignorant choices have consequences.

This. You make your choices. They make their chiuces. They don't align. That's not hurting anybody's feelings regardless of the choices involved. Could be you'll only eat at McDonald's and only on Tuesdays. Strange preference, but if that upsets them, THEY are in charge of their feelings, not you.

The first thing to do in this decision is believe each person is in charge of their choices and their reaction to other people's choices. You are not causing, nor do you need to "prevent," their explosive behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I mean, let’s be clear. The issue isn’t that your kid will get COVID from their unvaxed kid and it will be rough. The issue is that you cannot trust these folks to test or tell you the truth about either symptoms or testing. So there you are.

OP again. It’s both that I can’t trust them and that I’ve learned things about them through covid that make me not like them, honestly. They aren’t vaccinated, but when they got covid they of course went to the hospital (which I’m glad about), spent weeks in the hospital, complaining the whole time about their care. They have lied. They have ridiculed me for being a sheep. They have hosted an intervention with my parents, who are in their 80s, to convince my parents to be around them even when they are unvaccinated back when we thought being vaccinated could stop transmission. They are so selfish. I felt like my family had accomplished a slow fade from them, and now it looks like we’re going to have to have a dramatic break up. Or suck it up and have a once per year or so visit, with whatever risk that entails.

You are the problem and create drama when it's not there. Vaccines help with your symptoms not transmission. [b]Many of the kids your kids go to school with aren't vaccinated. Grow up. If you don't want to see them say so but don't pretend its covid related when you aren't careful at all. You are selfish.

And you also apparently can't read. OP clearly stated that her kids' nonpublic schools require students to be vaccinated. Try again.

The original post says “My kids are in daycare and public school.”

+1. OP later changed it to private because she didn’t like the spot-on feedback she was getting. Typical poster who lies/embellishes/moves the goalposts once they see they are in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It’s also about emotional boundaries. I know I’m going to catch covid. I have kids in school. But I care about WHERE I catch covid. I want to catch it from one of my kids. Not from a sibling who doesn’t give a $&@“ about my health.

OP, I get this. I figure if I get it in the course of my kids doing their schooling, that's an acceptable risk. Other risks (like dining indoors with unvaccinated family) seem less worth the risk. And the calculus changes; we recently locked down except for school because my partner had a medical procedure planned that he couldn't miss. Since you fear a lengthy illness when you get covid, I think you can do whatever risk management you see fit. People don't have to understand it, they just have to accept your limits (or skip the visit).

This “it matters where you catch it” makes zero sense.