Why do young people have kids they can't afford?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of younger female relatives that had their first child in their teens, which was tough enough. But then they had more kids with other boyfriends in their early twenties. They struggle financially and socially with unstable relationships and stress. What is the logic among younger women, wanting so many kids so young?

Society always needs some losers. Their logic? LOL.

[Anonymous]

Wise heads do not sit on young shoulders.

Their parents should get them on BC before this becomes an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wise heads do not sit on young shoulders.

Their parents should get them on BC before this becomes an issue.

Isn’t that kind of the thing though? Parents had them young and now they’re having kids young, kids aren’t being watched and there aren’t parents to suggest birth control and thoroughly explain how teen pregnancy can hinder life goals. I think it’s hard for some people to recognize how different their entire lives would be if they grew up somewhere different, with different parents, with likely much more difficult llived experiences, without the same opportunities or education etc.

[Anonymous]

Why do so many older women have kids who they maybe can afford but are still too old to be having?

Two can play the judgment game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wise heads do not sit on young shoulders.

Their parents should get them on BC before this becomes an issue.

Isn’t that kind of the thing though? Parents had them young and now they’re having kids young, kids aren’t being watched and there aren’t parents to suggest birth control and thoroughly explain how teen pregnancy can hinder life goals. I think it’s hard for some people to recognize how different their entire lives would be if they grew up somewhere different, with different parents, with likely much more difficult llived experiences, without the same opportunities or education etc.

Yep, it's part of the notorious poverty cycle. It's nothing new.

Throw in highly dysfunctional, abuse, trauma, neglect, and such and you're guaranteed the next generation is equally doomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many older women have kids who they maybe can afford but are still too old to be having?

Two can play the judgment game.

Having babies from late 20’s (closer to 30) - late 30’s. No 40’s.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the TLC show “Unexpected”? This program shows the ups and downs of teens having babies. Typically, teens pregnancies have occurred for a few generations. They interview the soon to be grandma, who is in her early 40’s, and the great grandma, who is barely 60 years old. It’s an eye opener and honestly, maybe a must see TV for the young teen crowd. Note the gender reveals and baby showers the new mother’s expect.

From a biological standpoint this is very much the natural order of things. Beyond the many women who struggle to conceive after prioritizing education and career for most or all of their 20s, and many who are never successful because they waited too long and cannot afford fertility treatments, there is also the very real issue of modern women who have children later in life having less support from other generations who just don’t have the energy once grandchildren and great grandchildren come along.

It would be nice if we could reorganize our society so that women could have babies in their early 20s if they want to without losing all the opportunities that come from delayed motherhood. Iceland is one of the few countries that really enforces this approach through social policies to support mothers.

The current model is unsustainable, I know that.

pp here -- this is such a valid point and I would love to know more about Iceland's support system.

I had my child at 26 (planned) and it has worked out great for me but it was under unusual circumstances. My career has not suffered at all.

I am anecdotally seeing more of my peers have a baby in their late 20s with the advent of paid parental leave.

26 is too young. Sorry

Lol, 26 is not too young. Both of my gen x siblings were married and had their first kids before 26. They are also incredibly successful and wealthy. They had their shit together and did not waste their twenties (and frankly, their peak fertility years) toying around at bottomless brunches and social sports leagues.

My parents also were married at 23 and had their first kid at 25. Both professionals, including biglaw. Was it too young 40 years ago? The only thing that’s changed (besides reproductive medicine) is that for some reason, it’s now acceptable for adults to still be considered incapable children by their mid twenties.

I have no issue with people who choose to wait until they’re 35+ or don’t meet the right person until then, but don’t attack mid twenties as too young either.

-married in my mid twenties, first kid in late twenties.

So those who don’t have children in their twenties are eating at bottomless brunches and talking sports leagues. Okay, you! Sorry I didn’t have children in my twenties nor ate brunch and talked sports. I missed that email.

Um, pretty much. That’s what I was doing before I had my kids- working, living in the city, going out for nice meals, and traveling. That’s what my family and friends who don’t have kids were doing and are still doing. Some people are getting grad degrees in their twenties. And all of that is fine. My only point is that it’s fine to delay having kids (or don’t have them at all! Who cares?) but it’s also fine to have them in your twenties when you are also an adult. There is nothing “too young” about it other than our culture continuing to delay what’s considered to be adulthood. And people who are adamant that you have to wait until your mid to late thirties are as equally annoying and self righteous as the camp who insists on having them young.

So you’re saying nothing to young in regards to having babies. Move to Afghanistan, you’ll fit right in.

No, I said ones mid twenties is not too young- the PP i replied to originally said 26 was too young. A person becomes an adult somewhere between 18 and 21 in the US. So even if it’s not recommended to marry right then, saying you’re too young 5 years later, and should only have kids 12-17 years later is absurd!

The brain is not fully done growing till mid 20’s. 18 is adult only in legal sense. You condone getting married at 18?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wise heads do not sit on young shoulders.

Their parents should get them on BC before this becomes an issue.

Isn’t that kind of the thing though? Parents had them young and now they’re having kids young, kids aren’t being watched and there aren’t parents to suggest birth control and thoroughly explain how teen pregnancy can hinder life goals. I think it’s hard for some people to recognize how different their entire lives would be if they grew up somewhere different, with different parents, with likely much more difficult llived experiences, without the same opportunities or education etc.

Yep, it's part of the notorious poverty cycle. It's nothing new.

Throw in highly dysfunctional, abuse, trauma, neglect, and such and you're guaranteed the next generation is equally doomed.

+1. You can’t really understand it if you come from a reasonably educated and/or supportive family and grew up with a certain idea of how your life would go (college, job, marriage, kids). This is not how it is done in all communities and within all families. I used to work at a homeless shelter and it is so hard to see the cycle continue but it’s very difficult to break out of the poverty cycle if that’s all you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Oh, as a third year resident, who raised baby?

DP. But I know plenty of ppl in medicine who had kids in their mid to late twenties. Even two doctor couples. You make it work, especially if one spouse has a more traditional or flexible work schedule. Or you get a nanny or use daycare, the same as a 38 year old middle-senior executive, or biglaw partner first-time parent would require. But maybe you’re anti-childcare and think a woman should work until 37, have her first kid, then quit? That’s very feminist.

NP. Not anti-child but I agree that mid 20’s is too young. You seem to be hung up on career as a guide to being entitled to have children early. It takes way more than a career to raise a child. You seem to be completely disconnected from them and I bet your children are merely an accessory to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

NP. College or not. Nope to babies at 26.

for you. For other people, it's fine.

No, it’s not fine at all. Move to the Middle East or marry a Duggar. Take your pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the TLC show “Unexpected”? This program shows the ups and downs of teens having babies. Typically, teens pregnancies have occurred for a few generations. They interview the soon to be grandma, who is in her early 40’s, and the great grandma, who is barely 60 years old. It’s an eye opener and honestly, maybe a must see TV for the young teen crowd. Note the gender reveals and baby showers the new mother’s expect.

From a biological standpoint this is very much the natural order of things. Beyond the many women who struggle to conceive after prioritizing education and career for most or all of their 20s, and many who are never successful because they waited too long and cannot afford fertility treatments, there is also the very real issue of modern women who have children later in life having less support from other generations who just don’t have the energy once grandchildren and great grandchildren come along.

It would be nice if we could reorganize our society so that women could have babies in their early 20s if they want to without losing all the opportunities that come from delayed motherhood. Iceland is one of the few countries that really enforces this approach through social policies to support mothers.

The current model is unsustainable, I know that.

pp here -- this is such a valid point and I would love to know more about Iceland's support system.

I had my child at 26 (planned) and it has worked out great for me but it was under unusual circumstances. My career has not suffered at all.

I am anecdotally seeing more of my peers have a baby in their late 20s with the advent of paid parental leave.

26 is too young. Sorry

Lol, 26 is not too young. Both of my gen x siblings were married and had their first kids before 26. They are also incredibly successful and wealthy. They had their shit together and did not waste their twenties (and frankly, their peak fertility years) toying around at bottomless brunches and social sports leagues.

My parents also were married at 23 and had their first kid at 25. Both professionals, including biglaw. Was it too young 40 years ago? The only thing that’s changed (besides reproductive medicine) is that for some reason, it’s now acceptable for adults to still be considered incapable children by their mid twenties.

I have no issue with people who choose to wait until they’re 35+ or don’t meet the right person until then, but don’t attack mid twenties as too young either.

-married in my mid twenties, first kid in late twenties.

Your parents are from a different generation. That is not relevant to 20+ years old today.
Success and wealth do not make one a good parent at a young age. Only serves to cement how wrong you are in your reasoning for having a child.

Bottomless brunches and sports league talk shows your immaturity. I pity your children.

You sound bitter. Praytell, what incremental “maturity” helped you between 25 and 35+ in terms of raising kids?

You tell us since you already told us that 20 years old childless people are having brunch and talking sports.

None, besides more money. That’s been my point the whole time. It’s fine to choose to have kids in your twenties or to have them later. Whatever floats your boat. Just don’t act like having kids later is superior. It’s not, it’s just a choice or circumstance.

Having kids at an appropriate age is superior. Having them early to mid 20’s is not appropriate

[Anonymous]

Sociologists have asked this question too; here's a book on the subject:

Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood before Marriage
by Kathryn Edin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s easy to see pregnancy is a way to do things over and right some wrongs. All of us had fantasies of being the perfect parent that our parents weren’t when we had our first child. And then of being a better parent with a second than we were with the first.

I can see how, if you had a baby as a teen, you might be anxious to have another baby a few years later with a more stable partner and experience motherhood the “right” way.

+1 Very insightful.

[Anonymous]

Is Brunch Granny on this thread? I need to see the fight between her and 26 Is Too Young.

[Anonymous]

Because hope springs eternal. And abortions are increasingly difficult to obtain.